changemyway

I have been doing well lately, slipped up a bit earlier this week, but put the drink down in favor of going to a meeting and got myself a temporary sponsor.

I put off talking to my husband about this for a bit, knowing I would be met with comments like, "Why are you trying to quit drinking again?" and "You don't have a problem." I suspect he does this to protect his own drinking.

I tried talking to him today about what happened at the meeting I went to, that I am planning on attending another meeting tomorrow, and that I want to keep attending meetings and work the steps with my sponsor. I didn't even get through everything I had to say before he brushed me off, saying he couldn't be bothered leaving work early to watch the kids for me so I can go to meetings when he could be getting overtime pay.

Should I lie to him? Pretend I'm going to yoga or something and actually go to my meetings? I have talked to his sister, and she is indifferent towards most everything, but said that she would help in my quest to get sober if I needed her. Maybe I should just start leaving the kids with her. Of course, this may cause dischord between her and my husband as well.

I don't know what to do.

Dee74

I believe it's important for you to do what you know is right for your recovery.

I wouldn't lie tho - make other arrangements for your kids for that hour or so if your husband is going to be unsupportive.

D

Sapling

Hey CMW...Don't lie about it...Give your sponsor a call...Run it by her...Keep checking in here.

sugarbear1

how old are the children? how many? you might be able to have someone watch them while you are at the meeting--by bringing them with you. I've watched children so the mom can focus without worry.

I don't suggest lying to hubby, but do what you need to stay stopped.

Anna

In my opinion - don't lie.

Recovery is about honesty.

You can always check in here anytime, and feel free to PM me anytime if you want to chat.

FlyerFan

Never lie, it will only make things worse. You should make it clear to him that this is important to you however. but if he is really concerned about his job then I would try to find other people to watch your kids or bring them with you as suggested above. I know sometimes I have seen people bring small children and often in churches there is another room or a little hallway with chairs they could sit in and color or play quietly, it depends on the meeting you may have to ask about that sort of thing to make sure its okay.

CaiHong

I think wanting to share the most important thing in your life,getting sober, with your husband is quite natural.

Don't be put off my his less than enthusiastic response. Don't lie to him there is no need. I like that your sister in sees the importance of your sobriety and is willing to look after the kids to support you and allow you to go to meetings.

I can't stress enough the amazing thing you are doing right now by getting sober.

I wish you all the strength and power to overcome any obstacles in your way.

CaiHong

Lily

I agree with what everyone has said on here. Don't lie and remember this is about you and not him and he is making this about him not wanting you to go for perhaps other reasons, perhaps it is because he knows he too has a problem. Perhaps you can find a gentle way to let him know this isn't about his drinking but about yours.

As far as your kids go, I brought my son along w/ me to meetings for a while cuz my husband works 2nd shift. I think I brought him till he was about 6 or so. I got him a tiny DVD player w/ head phones and he used to sit in chairs near our meeting circle. Also crayons, gameboy, etc. Better yet is if your Sis can watch them so you can concentrate better. I am proud of you for wanting to live sober and be a better mom to your kids. You can do this!

Lily

CAPTAINZING2000

You touched the main reason. He doesn't want you to stop if, you were used to drinking together.

FlyerFan

have a serious sit down with him and make sure he knows how you really feel. If he loves you he will have to come to terms with the situation and support you.

Missy7

I have a codependent husband as well. He wants me to feel good and he wants me to quit but I am his drinking buddy and if I ever get truly quit it will change his life.

I guess you need to figure out if your own health is worth changing his life. You'll probably be a better partner, right? And for Pete's sake, a better mother. That is your first priority.

FlyerFan

Yeah, my boyfriend went sober when I did. We used to be drinking buddies as well, but he realized that I had a serious problem and he wants to support me.