Thank you all, so very, very much
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
Thank you all, so very, very much
To each and every single one of you,
Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. You have all been sent to me today by my HP. I am married to an active alcoholic whose disease has spiraled over the past three months. I work my Al Anon program, and like any 12-stepper, I have good days and bad days. Lately I have had a string of bad days. I have been struggling tremendously with maintaining detached empathy for my husband. I successfully detach for weeks at a time and limit my feelings on his alcoholism to a non-obsessed "I pray that he will find the path his HP wants him to be on", and then something triggers me and I'm right back in there, taking everything personally and mad as h*ll at the way he/his disease treats me and the toll it takes on our family. I did not grow up around alcoholism, and this experience has been my first real taste of it.
Someone on my Al Anon board suggested I try an open AA meeting to try to gain a better understanding of what my husband experiences. I didn't feel ready emotionally for that, but I did come here.
I know my husband is desperately sick. I know you all are sick. I know he knows he has a problem, despite his protests to the contrary. I know he knows his alcoholism affects us all in profoundly negative ways. He does not need me to shame him for these things; he shames himself enough already.
He gives no appearance of being ready for recovery, although I know I cannot truly know his feelings and intentions. I am trying to give him over to his HP on that journey. But there are days when I look at his behavior and an unable to detach, and think "how can somone behave that way, especially toward people he claims to love?"
I know, and (mostly) accept that it is the disease talking. Reading about you all, and your journeys, your triumphs, your struggles...today, at least, it is making it easier for me to look upon my husband with love and empathy, without taking on his feelings as my own and trying to fix everything.
I am able to see that you are all children of your HPs, and so is my husband. Our HPs do not want us to struggle and suffer. Yours don't, and my husband's doesn't.
I am able to see how courageous you all are, and how courageous my husband is when he manages do go a day or two without drinking, or only drinks a few beers instead of 15. I am able to see how this is the battle of a lifetime for you, and for my husband. I am not ashamed of you, or your actions, or your disease, and I am not ashamed of my husband.
This is a watershed moment for me, and I have you all to thank for that.
Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. You have all been sent to me today by my HP. I am married to an active alcoholic whose disease has spiraled over the past three months. I work my Al Anon program, and like any 12-stepper, I have good days and bad days. Lately I have had a string of bad days. I have been struggling tremendously with maintaining detached empathy for my husband. I successfully detach for weeks at a time and limit my feelings on his alcoholism to a non-obsessed "I pray that he will find the path his HP wants him to be on", and then something triggers me and I'm right back in there, taking everything personally and mad as h*ll at the way he/his disease treats me and the toll it takes on our family. I did not grow up around alcoholism, and this experience has been my first real taste of it.
Someone on my Al Anon board suggested I try an open AA meeting to try to gain a better understanding of what my husband experiences. I didn't feel ready emotionally for that, but I did come here.
I know my husband is desperately sick. I know you all are sick. I know he knows he has a problem, despite his protests to the contrary. I know he knows his alcoholism affects us all in profoundly negative ways. He does not need me to shame him for these things; he shames himself enough already.
He gives no appearance of being ready for recovery, although I know I cannot truly know his feelings and intentions. I am trying to give him over to his HP on that journey. But there are days when I look at his behavior and an unable to detach, and think "how can somone behave that way, especially toward people he claims to love?"
I know, and (mostly) accept that it is the disease talking. Reading about you all, and your journeys, your triumphs, your struggles...today, at least, it is making it easier for me to look upon my husband with love and empathy, without taking on his feelings as my own and trying to fix everything.
I am able to see that you are all children of your HPs, and so is my husband. Our HPs do not want us to struggle and suffer. Yours don't, and my husband's doesn't.
I am able to see how courageous you all are, and how courageous my husband is when he manages do go a day or two without drinking, or only drinks a few beers instead of 15. I am able to see how this is the battle of a lifetime for you, and for my husband. I am not ashamed of you, or your actions, or your disease, and I am not ashamed of my husband.
This is a watershed moment for me, and I have you all to thank for that.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by Wisconsin 
I know you all are sick.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 181
Wisconsin that is beautiful. I know it must hurt so much.
My dad sometimes attends open AA meetings to get a better idea of what my sister and I are dealing with as alcoholics. He does not have a substance abuse problem, and it really touched me when he told me he did this.
I wish the best for you and your husband.
My dad sometimes attends open AA meetings to get a better idea of what my sister and I are dealing with as alcoholics. He does not have a substance abuse problem, and it really touched me when he told me he did this.
I wish the best for you and your husband.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
(((((Wisconsin)))))
Welcome to Sober Recovery. We have a really GREAT Friends and Family of Alcohoics forum:
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
that I believe you might just find helpful.
Alcoholism and/or Addiction is a devasting, cunning, baffling, and powerful affliction that can and does kill, not only the afflicted one but destroys relationships and jobs and the afflicted ones life, and many times the loved ones also.
Sounds like you are working hard on you. Good for you.
Please take a gander at The Friends and Family Forum.
Hope to see you there.
Love and hugs,
Welcome to Sober Recovery. We have a really GREAT Friends and Family of Alcohoics forum:
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
that I believe you might just find helpful.
Alcoholism and/or Addiction is a devasting, cunning, baffling, and powerful affliction that can and does kill, not only the afflicted one but destroys relationships and jobs and the afflicted ones life, and many times the loved ones also.
Sounds like you are working hard on you. Good for you.
Please take a gander at The Friends and Family Forum.
Hope to see you there.
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Prayers to you and your husband.
Open meetings are great, you would enjoy them and appreciate them.......
wouldn't it be something if the hubby tagged along one day with you ??!!
All the best.
Bob
Open meetings are great, you would enjoy them and appreciate them.......
wouldn't it be something if the hubby tagged along one day with you ??!!
All the best.
Bob
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 92
I am praying for you. Before I ended up here, I was in your shoes with my ex husband and it was exruciating, it brought me to my knees. Loving an addict in active addiction is a true heartbreak, I am so glad you are working a supportive program, finding your peace, and letting go. Much love to you. xo
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