I was at a wedding of a friend of my son's and the daughter of friends of my ex and I. I first got stumbling drunk, then ate 7 pieces of cake and was in the bathroom trying to make myself puke, tears streaming down my face, snot pouring out of my nose. I was already long past being able to walk a straight line or focus on a person's face when they spoke to me. I used to never let myself get that way in front of others, always drank/used alone, but now...this was the third time in two weeks I'd done that, and had also had to pull off the road mid day and sleep in a church lot from a horrid hangover...and I knew that it was out of control and now making a fool of my kid's and spouse as well. That is when I knew it had to stop.

When I couldn't hide it any longer. Not even from myself.

because every time I drank I tried to kill myself.

On the morning after an uncontrolled night of drinking, in an extraordinary, denial-free, moment of clarity, I saw my drinking for what is was and where it was heading if I didn't stop.

So I stopped.

First time I quit for a year and a half because my wife gave me an ultimatum, quit or leave.
The conditions eased over time and I started going to the bars too often.
So.
This time I quit before my wife issued another one of those pesky ultimatums.
My wife is much more important to me than my drinking hobby.

I decided to quit every morning. I found out I didn't have a drinking problem, I knew where it was and would suddenly decide every evening to purchase it and drink it. What I had was a staying stopped problem. I found a solution that didn't include drinking!

I didn't have a problem stopping drinking...I had a problem staying stopped.
I couldn't do it safely.

Woke up one morning 27 days ago and realized I had basically lost everything. The trail of destruction I had left behind me included a living situation not up to my standards, a nearly ruined career including unemployment, a recent break-up, financials in near ruin, relationships with friends and certain family on the brink of destruction and some that will never be repaired ALL due to my alcoholism.

There is also the fact that while I was drinking I made very little progress in life, friends went on and began getting married, having kids, buying homes and I was the one only at their weddings to get drunk. I remember one wedding where it was alcohol free, so we shared a flask outside. Well you know what a couple sips does to an alcoholic...off I went driving around in a borrowed car on a Sunday evening (liquor stores closed) looking for wine or anything to drink. Ended up pulling into my dads to slam some straight gin before going back to the wedding.

Pretty much crap like that, is why I gave it up. I made little progress, caused destruction, ruined relationships, became incredibly complacent and just was not happy with what I had become.

Now its all about life rebuilding 101.