danielmccalib1

My girlfriend has a prescription to adderall. She got her refill on the 9th (10mgx4/daily 30 day supply or 120 pills) and by the 11th she had used 49 pills. She had a crisis and she wanted to round up all the pills and give them to me. Now its been 4 days and she is trying to negotiate with me to give her back some. She says that she has a 'presciption' or 4 a day and why can't she just do a half dose so she has more energy and focus. I don't want her to have any more adderall until she sees a doctor or a psychiatrist (she doesn't have an appointment for either). And my thinking is its better the longer she has it out of her system. I have no idea what to do and it's messing with my mind that she does have a presciption, but my thinking is that it doesn't matter because the doctor that prescribed it as being beneficial for her didn't know she had a dependancy issue with it, which invalidates the doctors advice that she should take it. This is the first time I've had to deal with a agf.

janiebluebird

I previously had a prescription for something similar to adderall (ritalin) and I can tell you that its not good for you. Its basically like being on coke all day. Adderall actually gives even more of a high than ritalin does (I'd tried it before I got my prescription). I don't think doctors realize what they are doing when they prescribe that stuff out or they just don't care (except for their paycheck). However, it is her choice at the end of the day whether or not she wants to take it. Maybe negotiate her down to a few? That probably won't work once she's on it though, cause like other "upper" drugs, you want to maintain your high/avoid the comedown and adderall certainly has one. You could also try presenting her with the negative side effects associated with it and help her to find alternative means of concentrating. It surely does help with concentration and getting things down, but at what cost? You are all speedy, getting things done like a damn robot and then there's a comedown- it does not come without a price and its not normal.

Impurrfect

(((daniel))) - Welcome to SR, though I'm sorry for what has brought you here. I'm a recovering addict (RA) and have loved ones who are A's (addicts/alcoholics).

I did the "trying to help him control his usage" with three different bf's (XABFs - ex addict/alcoholic bf's) and it never did anything but frustrate me, to no end. I eventually turned to substances to deal with the frustration, but most people don't do that.

I seriously doubt she is going to let up on wanting her pills back. She knew she had a problem, at that time wanted help, but now her addiction is screaming at her.

Knowing what I know now? I'd give her the pills back. There's nothing to stop her from getting them off the streets or using something else to ease off the discomfort (it's what we A's do - we don't LIKE being uncomfortable).

There are some really good posts at the top of this forum called "stickies" - they're permanent and have a lot of good information.

Bottom line, she's going to do what she wants to do, however she has to do it. If she truly wants recovery and freedom from the pills, she will find it. If not? She'll keep using them at a way faster rate than she is prescribed.

There are a lot of people here who have loved ones who are A's. I lurked her for over a year before signing on, and the experience, strength and hope (ES&H - sorry, but we use a lot of abbreviations) has helped me to realize that I am just not powerful enough to stand between anyone and their addiction. No one could do that for me, either, when I was using.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

danielmccalib1

Hi Janie,

Thanks for the support. I am conflicted because I have the willpower to not give her any. I have them in a secure spot and I often think about just disposing of them so she can't ask me for them. Secretly I want her to ask for them to throw them down the toilet but I know that will not happen. I really want her to get into a doctor or therapy and have them prescribe her medication and not have me be the overseer. However, as it stands she is coming home in a few hours and I have to decide if I am going to give some to her to make it through her workday tomorrow. I just don't know if I am truly enableing her by giving her prescibed medication back to her. I still think she is addicted and it doesn't matter if a MD gave it to her, she is mentally obsessed with this drug.

@stillnotsurewhattodo...

danielmccalib1

Hi Amy,

Thank you for clarifying what I am going through. It is very tough to know since I have not had an addiction to know what the motivation is, is it avoidance of being uncomfortable? She has low blood sugar and says that eating (while she doens't like gaining weight) helps her cope with wanting the pills. I don't want to be the overseer, I want to be the supporter. In your experience would it be beneficial to give her the prescibed dose until she gets in to see a doctor (assuming she is ready and wants to go, and then makes the appointment).?? Thanks

Dee74

Hi and welcome danielmccalib1

I'm sorry - I think being the drink or drug 'police' for a loved one must be the worst job in the world.

I don't want to be the one to say it's not your job to do this - but it's really not.

If your gf doesn't want to see anyone else about this then that's the bottom line - and you'll have to decide what your response is to her decision.

You will find a lot of support and encouragement here - I hope you'll check out our Family and Friends forums too

D

danielmccalib1

Hi Dee,

Thanks for the quick reply. I do understand that, it seems so hard to come to a firm decision. If its not my job to be the pill police, then what do I do when she gives them to me and then asks for them back. Following your advice as soon as she feels the temptation and wants them to ease what she is going through I should give them back to her. Of course you must know how hard emotionally that is, as you feel progress is being achieved by her assertion that she doesn't want to have access to them, then only to have that false security revealed when she tries to negotiate them back. I have my own vis-a-vis counseling scheduled for next thursday (because of this) but sometimes I feel it is too far away and that I need some guidance sooner.

Impurrfect

(((Daniel))) - I agree with ((Dee)) about being the "drug police". My stepmom is addicted to a few drugs. After denying she had abused her pain pills, even though I KNEW she was high, I grabbed her bottle of pills and said "fine, let me count them".

She is, normally, a meek, timid, codie woman who stands up for nothing and no one. She came after me with a vengeance, screaming, cussing, and was trying to get her pills back. My dad is an enabler, she's yelling at HIM to "make her give me back my pills, they're MINE, I have a prescription for them!!!" and he said "let her count them".

Sure enough, she had taken more than double what she was prescribed in 2 days. Sure, I felt validated (dad can't tell when she's had too much, but I can), but honestly? I won't do that again unless it's because I've called 911 so I can tell them how many she's taken.

You give her the "prescribed dose" and it's just going to unleash the addict voice in her that screams for more. She's probably built up a tolerance..all one pill is going to do is p*** her off and she will take it out on you.

I know you want to support her, but honestly? You're not the kind of support she needs. If she truly wants to get off them? She needs to be honest with her dr. and talk to other RA's. It's not anything lacking in you, it's just you will never understand her train of thought because you aren't an A.

I know this is a lot to absorb at one time. I hope you keep reading and posting. I seriously doubt I'd be where I am today (mostly sane, responsible..just a slip with stepmom) if it weren't for the great people here.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Dee74

I have no answers for you Dan - although Amy put into words what I might have said

I can imagine it feels like a no win situation - you're either the enemy for withholding or you feel like a traitor for capitulating.

Only you know how much you're prepared to do and what your expectations are.

I think you should consider tho that, in this case, you may not be the guy for the job.

I hope others will chime in & share with you - I wish you and your partner well
D

sugarbear1

Prayers to you both

Alexeight

Hi Daniel, I'm someone who has twice given my prescription for adderall away because I can't control myself on them, with instructions to give me back my prescribed dose day-to-day (then, 30 mg twice a day). It says a lot about you that your girlfriend felt she could open up to you about this - she trusts you - at the time I was keeping my addiction secret from my boyfriend and went to my best friend instead.

That said it's an awful responsibility for you and a bad place for you to be in. I have to say the only thing that kept me from going to my friend for more was the knowledge that she would say no. It was a thought that annoyed me and comforted me at the same time, b/c deep down I knew that she was protecting me.

Sounds like your gf is going through some deep withdrawal. Taking 49 pills and then going cold turkey can induce some seriously uncomfortable feelings. My guess is that those will pass the longer she goes without them, she'll start to feel more "herself" as each day passes. The trick for me was avoiding bingeing when I got my prescription renewed. I would say the BEST thing to do is for your gf to open up to her doc about her addiction but that is a very difficult place to come to and not one that I have come to myself.

She might talk to him about switching her to vyvanse which has less of a "punch" than adderall with similar effects and is easier to control the dosage. I'm managing to keep myself on the prescribed dose on that much more than I was on the adderall.

Until then I'd give her the prescribed amount each day and no more, and make sure that she knows that you care about her, no matter what, which is the most important thing, and ultimately what can help pull her out of the addiction.