Scared of AA meetings, am I a AA meeting snob???
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
But don't get me wrong. AA meetings are not like in the movies. There are always some rough spots, meetings where you may feel a little uncomfortable. I've been studying not for profit groups for quite a while now, not only AA but all sorts of charitable organizations, even dog clubs (!!!). (Maybe the dogs have more sense than some of the owners!) Anyway there always seem to be one or two old timers who more or less figure that they run the show, or ought to anyway. So sometimes recovery ends up in being a sort of ego thing. It happens. People are human. And alcoholics are oh so human! So the best way to do it is to roll with the punch, take advantage of the good stuff and there's lots of that. If after awhile it's not for you then try some other program. Only one thing is important- never give up on permanent sobriety.
W.
W.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 456
I started out at a hall downtown in my medium sized suburb of Seattle that held 6 or 7 meetings a day since I knew it was there. Thank God I did! it really helped through the early days. I went frequently the first month, then backed off to one meeting a day. At 30 days I noticed all the commotion around. Finally, at 45 days I was bothered by the chaos, bitterness, attitudes, and complacency. I started to really question if being sober was going to turn me in to one of "these people." Of course there were some great people with great attitudes, but that was the exception.
Finally one particularly chaotic night I was asked to share and just said "my name is...I'm leaving now to see if I can find an AA meeting somewhere."
It's a nice downtown but it's similar to many others where the residential real-estate closest isn't the most prime and it's also split by the main BNSF west coast rail line- hopefully you get the picture.
I found a meeting in a church near my own neighborhood the next night and my program of recovery finally started. In fact, this meeting and those people connected with me. I could look around the room and see so many that had what I wanted. We're still a very diverse bunch, but for the most part we share similar goals and interests beyond sobriety too.
I could be called a snob for this, and probably have been...I really don't care. I will work with any alcoholic who asks for help so long as they are willing. I found a group that is supportive and close and gives me a pattern to model my life. To me, that's recovery.
You will know in your heart when you've been to a good meeting. I try to take newcomers to my two favorite so they can see how incredibly different two -very good- meetings can be and hopefully check out others on their own to find what works best for them.
Good luck. Some very nice people are waiting to meet you.
Finally one particularly chaotic night I was asked to share and just said "my name is...I'm leaving now to see if I can find an AA meeting somewhere."
It's a nice downtown but it's similar to many others where the residential real-estate closest isn't the most prime and it's also split by the main BNSF west coast rail line- hopefully you get the picture.
I found a meeting in a church near my own neighborhood the next night and my program of recovery finally started. In fact, this meeting and those people connected with me. I could look around the room and see so many that had what I wanted. We're still a very diverse bunch, but for the most part we share similar goals and interests beyond sobriety too.
I could be called a snob for this, and probably have been...I really don't care. I will work with any alcoholic who asks for help so long as they are willing. I found a group that is supportive and close and gives me a pattern to model my life. To me, that's recovery.
You will know in your heart when you've been to a good meeting. I try to take newcomers to my two favorite so they can see how incredibly different two -very good- meetings can be and hopefully check out others on their own to find what works best for them.
Good luck. Some very nice people are waiting to meet you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 54
You should appreciate the fact that you have so much choice, and such a variety of meeting available in your area. Where I live, there are only 4 meeting a week in the city, and only 2 I can fit into my schedule. There are maximum 7 people at each meeting.
So count your blessings and go to a meeting...try them all if you like. Good luck
So count your blessings and go to a meeting...try them all if you like. Good luck
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Hi
Good on you for giving AA a go. Excellent advice has been given.
I am starved of choice as far as AA meetings go.
It can take me all day and late into the night to get to a meeting but I manage to get there and am so pleased they are available.
I am on an extended holiday in Vietnam and found a meeting (thanks to Veritas) which I attended last night with the one other member.
We would ordinarily never cross paths but what we shared, the fellowship,is just magic to me.
I am coming up to 9 months sober with the support of both and AA and this forum, have never been happier.
My obsession with alcohol has been removed as promised in the BB.
I hope you find your solution.
CaiHong
Good on you for giving AA a go. Excellent advice has been given.
I am starved of choice as far as AA meetings go.
It can take me all day and late into the night to get to a meeting but I manage to get there and am so pleased they are available.
I am on an extended holiday in Vietnam and found a meeting (thanks to Veritas) which I attended last night with the one other member.
We would ordinarily never cross paths but what we shared, the fellowship,is just magic to me.
I am coming up to 9 months sober with the support of both and AA and this forum, have never been happier.
My obsession with alcohol has been removed as promised in the BB.
I hope you find your solution.
CaiHong
The Little Alcoholic Monstress That Could
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Northern California
Posts: 1,159
Hi. I just wanted to say I dont think theres anything wrong with wanting to be with others like you. Go to a few meetings and I think.youll find that you have more in common with those you usually wouldnt mix with than you thought
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 456
Originally Posted by smileyblue 
You should appreciate the fact that you have so much choice, and such a variety of meeting available in your area. Where I live, there are only 4 meeting a week in the city, and only 2 I can fit into my schedule. There are maximum 7 people at each meeting.
So count your blessings and go to a meeting...try them all if you like. Good luck
So count your blessings and go to a meeting...try them all if you like. Good luck
I'm not pointing the finger at you, Smileyblue, your post just reminded me of a conversation I had with a friend a while back.
He is in the contemplation stage of sobriety at the urging of his fiance and a few recent very negative consequences. He still lives in the same smaller town that we both grew up in and said he doesn't like to attend meetings since the town spreads rumors and gossip so quickly (17,000 people in a rural area). I was trying to think of a good response to something that I could see as a fairly reasonable objection when he said it's too late when he gets home from work. I found out that he carpools with his fiance to a city 60 miles a way each day and there is a four hour differential in their shifts. He was a bit aggravated that I would suggest that he attend a meeting in another town while his fiance was still at work!
He still won't commit to anything but at least he knows now that he's not being honest with himself when he uses that excuse!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 92
Thank you for posting, it is very brave to reach out for help. I don't think you sound snotty and the choices can be overwhelming. I was scared to death before my first meeting, and it must have shown, because as soon as I walked in, several of the ladies there came up to me immediately to make me feel welcome. That being said, maybe a gender specific group would be a good place to start. Good luck! xo
dopeless hope fiend
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Here. Now.
Posts: 1,021
Originally Posted by StPeteGrad
I started out at a hall downtown in my medium sized suburb of Seattle that held 6 or 7 meetings a day since I knew it was there. Thank God I did! it really helped through the early days. I went frequently the first month, then backed off to one meeting a day. At 30 days I noticed all the commotion around. Finally, at 45 days I was bothered by the chaos, bitterness, attitudes, and complacency. I started to really question if being sober was going to turn me in to one of "these people." Of course there were some great people with great attitudes, but that was the exception.
Finally one particularly chaotic night I was asked to share and just said "my name is...I'm leaving now to see if I can find an AA meeting somewhere."
It's a nice downtown but it's similar to many others where the residential real-estate closest isn't the most prime and it's also split by the main BNSF west coast rail line- hopefully you get the picture.
I found a meeting in a church near my own neighborhood the next night and my program of recovery finally started. In fact, this meeting and those people connected with me. I could look around the room and see so many that had what I wanted. We're still a very diverse bunch, but for the most part we share similar goals and interests beyond sobriety too.
I could be called a snob for this, and probably have been...I really don't care. I will work with any alcoholic who asks for help so long as they are willing. I found a group that is supportive and close and gives me a pattern to model my life. To me, that's recovery.
You will know in your heart when you've been to a good meeting. I try to take newcomers to my two favorite so they can see how incredibly different two -very good- meetings can be and hopefully check out others on their own to find what works best for them.
Good luck. Some very nice people are waiting to meet you.
Finally one particularly chaotic night I was asked to share and just said "my name is...I'm leaving now to see if I can find an AA meeting somewhere."
It's a nice downtown but it's similar to many others where the residential real-estate closest isn't the most prime and it's also split by the main BNSF west coast rail line- hopefully you get the picture.
I found a meeting in a church near my own neighborhood the next night and my program of recovery finally started. In fact, this meeting and those people connected with me. I could look around the room and see so many that had what I wanted. We're still a very diverse bunch, but for the most part we share similar goals and interests beyond sobriety too.
I could be called a snob for this, and probably have been...I really don't care. I will work with any alcoholic who asks for help so long as they are willing. I found a group that is supportive and close and gives me a pattern to model my life. To me, that's recovery.
You will know in your heart when you've been to a good meeting. I try to take newcomers to my two favorite so they can see how incredibly different two -very good- meetings can be and hopefully check out others on their own to find what works best for them.
Good luck. Some very nice people are waiting to meet you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Here
Posts: 183
I felt similar this exact time last week. Scared to go to 1st meeting, all the options...where to go...etc. I finally just picked a "Open, Beginners, Discussion" meeting place & time that worked for me last Friday night and just shut my overanxious brain off and just went with it...was almost robotic. I set a time in my head of when I had leave house by...I put on some good upbeat music (help me stay positive)...and once there I just walked in with as open a mind as possible.
I was welcomed with open arms, and 2 different rounds of applause...I wasnt ready to share, but I did intro myself to group, and just listened. Ive gone to three more meetings since (and shared) and already met some good people, possibly new friends. SOOOOOOOO GLAD I just bit the bullet and went...you will be as well, should you decide to go.
I was welcomed with open arms, and 2 different rounds of applause...I wasnt ready to share, but I did intro myself to group, and just listened. Ive gone to three more meetings since (and shared) and already met some good people, possibly new friends. SOOOOOOOO GLAD I just bit the bullet and went...you will be as well, should you decide to go.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
When I was in a rehab they took us in a bus to a meeting in a very poor part of town. There were drug dealers selling stuff openly on the streets. The meeting was in a church basement. We sat at long tables and looked at each other eyeball to eyeball. Many of the members appeared to have been in prison. Many of them were bald and had tattoos. But they were the frendliest people. They had seen the very worst, likely worse things than I could ever imagine. They reached out to me. They welcomed me. And I welcomed them. Another meeting was in a sort of attic, filled with what appeared to be homeless people. Same thing. I'm not a conventional Christian. I don't go to Church very often but I looked at them and I thought to myself, "If the Lord is anywhere, He is here. This is what was all about, so many years ago. This was the message, that of a Hand, reaching out into the very depths of Hell and lifting you out. Some might say, "Oh that's very well. You may believe that!" and I agree. A man may stand at the Canyon's Edge, may find himself in a forest one morning when the sunlight is just starting to pierce through the mist and that man may say only, "Hand me the morning newspaper and get me a cup of coffee...." There is sadness in that mist, sadness in the canyon. Sad and very beautiful.
W.
W.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 93
I chose a meeting in the good part of town with the assumption that i would be more comfortable there. the first meeting i went to i felt like i was in the wrong place because "these people are not like me".. One had just gotten out of prison, a couple were street-people, one was a tattooed thug, one was a single mother in a halfway house. I simply could not relate. But I kept going. I posted a thread here very similar to yours about how i just didn't fit in. A very insightful person respond something like this....I know you've been posting here a lot and getting some great advice and a lot of support, and I'm glad you are here. Would it surprise you to know that I am homeless? I am one of those "street-people" you referred to; I am using a computer at the library to write this. Does that make my message any less valid? Does that mean you cannot relate to me anymore? Please be a little more openminded and realize that all the people here who are helping you are not like you either, but they are still helping you. You don't know if the person posting is a prestigious surgeon or a tattooed thug. that is how you should think about the meetings. Listen to the message, not the person.------Needless to say that was a huge eye opener, and very humbling. i was even a bit embarrassed about my line of thinking. I have learned so much from all the great people in the meetings (and here), and continue to be amazed at how much in common i have with them.
dopeless hope fiend
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Here. Now.
Posts: 1,021
things are not always what they seem. I'm a middle class white guy, good job, college degree, who is also a four time convicted felon, ex arch criminal who has been to prison. the only identification I need is the shared suffering of my fellow addicts and the shared desire to help eachother recover.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Lots of good posts here.
I don't have anything to add, except maybe...
Closed meetings... only alcoholics allowed. That way if you see someone you can be reasonably sure they are there for the same reason you are.
Beginners Meeting... I highly recommend them if they are good, open or closed. I still attend one every week, I am over 3 years.
Big Book Meetings... This is where they study the real program of AA, a good place to start.
Discussion Meetings? These are a mixed bag, some good, some, well... not so much. I tend to like them, but not everyone does.
But most important of all... Go !!!!
When you do go, be deligent and... Identify with the person sharing, as much as you can. Do not compare.
Alcoholism is equal opportunity and I am amazed at how often I hear something that resonates with my own experience. No matter who it is that is sharing.
Relax, it's OK.
Addendum... Oh, don't leave without a copy of the Big Book.
I don't have anything to add, except maybe...
Closed meetings... only alcoholics allowed. That way if you see someone you can be reasonably sure they are there for the same reason you are.
Beginners Meeting... I highly recommend them if they are good, open or closed. I still attend one every week, I am over 3 years.
Big Book Meetings... This is where they study the real program of AA, a good place to start.
Discussion Meetings? These are a mixed bag, some good, some, well... not so much. I tend to like them, but not everyone does.
But most important of all... Go !!!!
When you do go, be deligent and... Identify with the person sharing, as much as you can. Do not compare.
Alcoholism is equal opportunity and I am amazed at how often I hear something that resonates with my own experience. No matter who it is that is sharing.
Relax, it's OK.
Addendum... Oh, don't leave without a copy of the Big Book.
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