im SOOOO ashamed of who I became
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 16
im SOOOO ashamed of who I became
im so ashamed of myself at this time (28 years) for being who i am.. THIS WASNT SUPPOSED TO BE ME.. I've always been told i have a big heart, more like a BIG drug dumpster.. Ive tried kickin things in the past. Didnt smoke weed til 17 yrs old.. Cigarettes/alcohol @ 18 years.. Had a BIG BAD cocaine addiction, which lead to a divorce- i have a son, was doin just weed thing real good until some1 introduced me to OXYCOTIN.. I was smoking it on foil.. Then started to wonder why i NEVER touched them before in my life.. Like i was MISSING something.. It was WEED/PAIN PILLS i was gettin hooked (Zanax is for the birds).. felt like the INCREDIBLE HULK after snorting a ROXY (2nd favorite pill).. Been doing 15-75mg/day.. Just snorting them (NEVER even swallowed one).. Well, the ROXY game was changing. Couldnt find them, got my girlfriend INTRODUCED (im going STRAIGHT TO HELL) to them.. So we would either: have pills, get tweeked and enjoy each other--or-- not have nothing, cant find nothing, and be FIGHTING like crazy. Been doing ROXYs super hard for 2-3 years, well when FINDING THEM got too difficult-- some1 else asked me if i tried DILAUDID (D's), I said no, well i got some (only thing around), then after doin research about them, I saw the best effects were PLUGGIN (anally) them----UHHHHH, HELL NAW, or BANGIN (IV'd) them.. I promised myself I would NEVER smoke crack or shoot myself up, hell I've been scared of needles since I was a little boy... THAT PROMISE WENT OUT THE WINDOW!! Started, got pro with it, and been shooting D's, Roxy's, Methadone, Morphine, etc... LOVED THE FEELING, well "everything GOOD comes to an END", so those got hard to find the past 3 weeks-- so i also promised myself (after recovering from BLOW) that i would NEVER do COKE again, well throw that promise out the window. I started BANGIN coke and meth!!! what an IDIOT i was.. well, HAVENT HAD ANY OPIATES for bout a week.. 4 days ago, got some coke--shot it up.. 3 days ago some more COKE and METH, and stayed up two days.. Stopped earlier than NORMAL to get sleep.. DIDNT sleep worth a DAMN, and woke up this AM to bang (MY LAST TIME) meth-- well my eyes and temperature have been weird last 2 days.. this am when i did IV of meth, I threw up IMMEDIATELY after IV'ing.. Been NAUSTIOUS with diarrhea ALL DAY. .Scared to eat ANYTHING-- then talked to guy got dope from.. He said i must be "dopesick", never knew what that was.. BUT i think im infected- and after reading some things ONLINE i am really SCARED.. I told myself that was it on METH for good, but from ALL THIS RESEARCH, i guess the PILLS r what it's from?? I dont care, i want to change my life, BEEN WANTING TO FOR AWHILE, can any1 please help me.. I just feel like its TOO LATE and TOO BORING to be sober, BTW, i will NEVER stop smoking WEED!! Its a drug, but NATURAL-- and safer than cigarettes, am I wrong for thinking like that???? PLEASE SOME1 HELP ME, the DOPESICK THING is freakin me out.. HHHEEELLLPPPP!!!!!
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
I'd say help is what you need....I think I would get myself to the nearest Emergency Room you can get to asap and relay the story you just told here. If you don't have insurance...Tell them you think you are dying.....They have to take you. You need some medical attention. I wouldn't sit around and think about it too long. You need to get cleaned up before you can help yourself.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
welcome to SR
I agree with everyone else here. If you think you have an infection the best response is to seek medical attention
I hope you find a detox situation that will help you too.
D
I agree with everyone else here. If you think you have an infection the best response is to seek medical attention
I hope you find a detox situation that will help you too.
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 16
Feelin better 2day.. Found out this isnt as physical as i thought.. More like PSYCHOLOGICAL battle.. It's gonna be fun with 2 ppl under 1 roof gettin sober.. Its hard enough doing it by yourself.. Any1 have any suggestions, that wont result in us having to end our relationship because of the DRUG DEMONS??
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by WHOamInow 
Feelin better 2day.. Found out this isnt as physical as i thought.. More like PSYCHOLOGICAL battle.. It's gonna be fun with 2 ppl under 1 roof gettin sober.. Its hard enough doing it by yourself.. Any1 have any suggestions, that wont result in us having to end our relationship because of the DRUG DEMONS??
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 92
Thank you for being so honest! It is very brave to admit you need help. Let's stay in today and focus on you beginning recovery in the best and safest way available. Please consult with a medical professional asap, whether it is calling your family doctor, local er, or detox facility. First things first!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 16
thanks to every1.. not gonna go to the doctor ( no health insurance) but i got some SUBOXENE dissolvable strips (opiate bloçker).. i know im not going to be able to COLD TURKEY stop.. so its gonna b a process, but as long as its UPWARD for BOTH of us, it was worth god giving me a sample of HELL yesterday..
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 134
Yes definitely keep us posted, and please please please be careful. Tapering on such strong drugs is most certainly dangerous. I didn't have insurance either, but wound up getting charity care through a local teaching hospital post an accidental od (slipped after cutting WAY down on roxy's/h and it just took one time shooting 1/2 what I ever had before...hence my serious concern b/c it's hell to get yourself down from opiate addiction let alone the uppers in the mix). I was able to safely detox for a few days in the hospital b/c it's what it came down to.
Are there any teaching hospitals in your area? (med schools. some other hospitals will have similar programs). I'm just really concerned for the safety of you both. I also get trying to do as much as humanly possible on your own, I cut down on everything I could on my own, and that is sheer hell. Just please keep an eye out for each other, b/c worst case scenario is death, and an ER bill is definitely worth having if it saves your life. I got pedialyte during some of the rougher times of being dopesick to try to keep my electrolytes up, that's one thing I suggest immediately (v8 is good for this too, but that can be hard on your stomach if you're feeling really badly)
Glad you found this place, and keep posting.
(and the biggest and most serious issue is the shame I have in the choices I've made, but all we can do is do our best to move forward and learn and grow from that)
Are there any teaching hospitals in your area? (med schools. some other hospitals will have similar programs). I'm just really concerned for the safety of you both. I also get trying to do as much as humanly possible on your own, I cut down on everything I could on my own, and that is sheer hell. Just please keep an eye out for each other, b/c worst case scenario is death, and an ER bill is definitely worth having if it saves your life. I got pedialyte during some of the rougher times of being dopesick to try to keep my electrolytes up, that's one thing I suggest immediately (v8 is good for this too, but that can be hard on your stomach if you're feeling really badly)
Glad you found this place, and keep posting.
(and the biggest and most serious issue is the shame I have in the choices I've made, but all we can do is do our best to move forward and learn and grow from that)
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: in the shadow of the rockies
Posts: 338
about 6 years back , a young couple came into our NA meeting. he had just gotten out of prison. She was running a using pad...
Today they each are managers in large dept stores, got custody of her kid, paying the mortgage, and running NA meetings..... so, yeah, i've seen couples do the recovery thing
Today they each are managers in large dept stores, got custody of her kid, paying the mortgage, and running NA meetings..... so, yeah, i've seen couples do the recovery thing
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
thanks to every1.. not gonna go to the doctor ( no health insurance)
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 16
well- we BOTH have cut back, like 1 D each a day.. my flu- symptoms r going away.. I feel, well we both feel its done a 180 and we are actually DOING VERY WELL, i guess its gonna b a long road, but we r continuing to move FORWARD and not backwards.. We both have alternate places to stay if withdrawals get bad. I am very HAPPY i found this place, and one day- WHEN I BEAT THIS- i would be HONORED to be able to help people that were just like me. And, Im no tough guy- so if things werent better, I wouldve been in the HOSPITAL, and they could add the bill to the other $9k-$12k I already owe them.. I REALLY appreciate every1's input and help.. You guys r like CYBER ANGELS..!!
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