LadyNoBinge

Oh Kellyprettybird, i hear YOU! I felt stuck in the same cycle as well: this day was the pits, i can't wait to go home to drink and relax, numb out, wake up the next day full of anxiety, trudge through the day, repeat. It is an awful feeling. I realized my primary motivator for the drinking was to numb myself from the fears that are in life. Fear of being alone with myself and what I might find, fear of everything, really! What helped me a great deal was making conscious efforts throughout each day to STAY IN TODAY. At work, did I do the best work I could? Was I kind and professional? Ok. Then on my way home, changing my paradigm, making a very intentional separation between my work life and my personal life. Some self talk like "ok now i am home, what's done at work is done, there isn't any good reason for me to be thinking about work when i am on my own time. Whatever is unfinished can be handled tomorrow. I am going to spend tonight taking good care of myself.". Then I say ok i am home, now what? Well, i am not going to drink today so what should i do with myself? Read a book, call a friend and catch up, exercise, organizing the closet, catch up on correspondence, take a hot bath, or watch stupid tv until it is time for bed. Before you go to sleep, acknowledge that 1. You didn't drink 2. You did a good job at work 3. You took good care of yourself at home 4. You are grateful for x, y and z. Creating and maintaining a healthy boundary between worklife and homelife is key. You need it! There are lots if ways to make these boundaries part of your daily routine, sometimes they can even be fun! The more we add emotional structure to our lives, the more likely we are to feel less overwhelmed and empty. HTH! xoxo

Lost3000

Funny thing, it took me forever to figure out that my fear of flying and anxiety could be managed SO much better by not drinking. I thought that if I got wasted I would eliminate the anxiety when I fly. Uh, no. Flying is so much easier for me. And I mean flying on a plane. LOL.

I think a lot of us think that way. I used to. It led me back to drinking. And then I got so sick of drinking that even now (day 46) I am ok with not drinking ever again. Every so often the thought creeps in "never? really?" and I quickly shut that down and concentrate on the now. I figure if I keep doing that eventually that voice will shut up or at least be very weak.

Lost3000

I tend to take work home with me. Or at least think about someone, something for a moment. I like your attitude. I used to come home and pour a drink immediately, I believe to numb myself out. I have to make a conscious effort to eliminate that thought and do something else - and quick!

Lost3000

OP: Have you received advice to work with?

I wanted to mention, but maybe already did, I was hugely against AA. I'm still not really doing their steps, nor do I have a sponsor. But I realized something. While I was trying to get away from my drinking friends I realized how hard it is to find things to do that don't involve drinking and even harder, find friends that don't drink to do those things with!

AA was my answer. I've already met a few people just in my few once a week attendance. I've made plans with them and amazingly, they don't flake out! As my husband says, people who drink are flakey.