quindad

I've been abusing alcohol for quite a while now, but have always stayed "functional", I guess meaning employed. Never drink during the day, haven't had it directly affect my relationships, but there's something tearing me up inside and when I get home from work at night I tend to binge drink so I can sleep. When my ex and I split about 3 years ago it got worse and it took way more to numb myself. I was awarded custody of my daughter this past November, so I always have her. I'm also in school part time and working nights full time. My stress levels are through the roof, my finances are in shambles due to the economy, and between work, school, and my daughter, I literally have no time for myself. I've tried AA in the past, but now I literally have no time to get to a meeting. I can't take my daughter to a meeting and if I actually do have a spare hour or two, there isn't a meeting scheduled.

I have no family within 2,000 miles and none of my friends understand because I'm not some "skid row bum" of a drunk. It just looks to them like I decompress because I'm stressed. It's gotten to the point that my activity level has been affected, I'm constantly depressed, I'm withdrawn, self absorbed, my appetite is almost gone, and I suffer from constant anxiety. I don't want to die from this, I don't want my daughter to get older and have a drunk for a dad, and I don't want this to hurt my schooling. These things are all so important to me but I can't seem to let alcohol go.

I need help and don't know what to do or how to go about getting it. I can probably count on one hand the amount of times in a year I don't drink. It's such a habitual thing for me, I pace like a caged animal when I try not to. I just feel like I'm crawling out of my skin and full of rage. I hate it and I hate myself for letting it get this way.

I just really need help and I don't know what to do. Anything you guys can throw out there will really be appreciated.

WhySoSerious

Well you made one step in the right direction by joining up on here! ive only been here a few weeks but there are a lot of people on here who will give you advice and kind words.

Dee74

Hi quindad

Seeing a Dr & and being honest with them about the problem can be a good first step - coming here is a great move too like WSS said. You'll find a lot of support here

As far as programmes go - there are many different approaches and methods - here's some links to some of the main players:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I also recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you're interested in a non 12 step approach

Welcome to SR

D

quindad

I've been seeing a doc and have been honest with him in the past, but my inability to stop has caused me to downplay the drinking and just avoid the topic unless he brings it up. He put me on prozac and even though it messes with my stomach it feels like it's helping a little. He also put me on klonopin for my anxiety and it really helps. I've never mixed that with alcohol which kind of surprises me. I feel like if I can just make it a week or two and get it out of my system I'll be able to see clearer and have it be easier to cope with.

Anna

Yeah, that's right, just hang in there and things will get easier.

I'm glad you're careful about mixing the medications with alcohol because it could be dangerous.

Hevyn

Hi quindad - it's great to have you here with us.

You have so much going on in your life - I'm sure you're overwhelmed. Try to realize that drinking isn't helping a thing - it's just adding more stress & anxiety to what you're already trying to cope with. I always thought alcohol was buffering me from reality, but it was slowly destroying my ability to handle anything. You've made a wise decision - know that it won't always feel this intense. Better days are coming.

Sapling

I tried AA...And I made it work for me. I did some things I didn't want to do and heard some things I didn't want to hear. It worked. Where did I find the time?.....I used the time I would use to drink and went to meetings. Find some kind of program and give it your all!

soberjim

Hi quidad....welcome to SR. Sounds like you have many stressers in your life at the moment. I understand the depression and anxiety all too well, and the feeling like crawling out of your skin at the end of the day.

Your daughter and yourself are the first priority. You are working on classes and that is positive.

In the final analysis, alcohol will only add to your depression and anxiety. Be there for your daughter.

This website and community is excellent. There are different paths to the same place. Read through some posts and you will see you are not alone. Many people have successfully put alcohol behind them and are in a better place. Find out what will work for you.

Keep posting. Glad you joined.

Jim

artsoul

Welcome quindad!

Before I got sober, I was drinking pretty much every night, too. The depression and anxiety were awful and I was a mess inside, even though I managed to look "normal" to everyone else. I think what we don't realize is that we're putting ourselves through withdrawals every day.

I was so happy to find that my outlook changed within a week of getting sober - I was so much calmer and my Prozac started doing what it was supposed to do all along (I even started smiling again - whoa!).

Glad you're here!

quindad

Thanks so much for the warm welcome. I just feel like I can't take what I've been doing anymore and I'm at my wit's end. Didn't drink last night. Didn't sleep either, but I didn't drink. Hands are shaking like a mother.

WhySoSerious

hey man one day at a time, and ya sleeping will be tough for awhile, but once you start to sleep you wont be able to get enough of it... at least thats how it was for me

Sapling

I'm glad you didn't drink.....Yeah I know the shaking routine well...You might want to talk to your doctor about that...He can probably help you out...Just do yourself a favor...Be honest with him about everything.

gaffo

No matter how complicated things might seem remember it's simpleon't Drink.

I've gone over a hundred days now and I won't lie to you, it's not easy but really what is? It gets easier quickly. Just don't drink. One minute at a time. Good things will start to happen to you now! I've got 2 young kids that won't have a drunk dad because of this. My life is just as crazy as before but it's easier to deal with. Good Luck!

nexttime

In addition to SR I read books about recovery. The few spare minutes I have during the day are either spent here, in a book or walking depending on my state of mind but there are plenty of ways to start the recovery process without attending meetings.
However if you feel that meetings would be best for you I suggest you make one a part of your schedule as soon as possible. Think of it as paying yourself first so you can accomplish all of the other things going on in your life.

Good Luck

jocata

Instead of drinkiing, use that time to work on recovery. Find something recovery related and work the heck out of it. Also, drinking while taking antidepressants is not good. I've done that and it can make anxiety much worse. You probably wont get the full benefit of the Prozac as long as you are drinking while taking it.

You can do this, I promise. Keep posting and reading. We are here to get and give support.

God bless.