My younger son...
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My younger son...
My younger son is coming back to our state, he up and quit his job and moved to AZ. with a friend no money no job...ugh!!Lasted 2 1/2 months we all sent him money(which was a waste) I have been stressed thinking about all the crap I go threw with him. He is addicted to pot and makes a mess out of his life, very impulsive. I put him in rehab. twice when he was teenager (he is 22 now) and did counselling..which I think... okay I was screwed up myself and trying to help my son(that really worked..not!) I am going to tell him not to call me unless its for a visit because it puts to much strain on my marriage..which I understand how my husband feels. Hell, he is my son and I get feeling the same way! I know that sounds bad but I am so tired of helping my family when they don't help themselves...heck I couldn't even help me for the longest time! I just don't have the energy anymore for it....so sad when I think how I failed them and screwed them up. My kids don't think I have a drinking problem that's cause they really was not around in the evening to know. They always seen me take care of everything and helping everyone.....but I don't want to do it anymore...burned out! My oldest son does not drink or do drugs, works, pays is bills...He can't stand to be around drinking he is not your typical 25 year old who wants to party, which I'm so grateful for. I babied my youngest to much...boy if I knew then what I know now, I would of done things different. Sorry for the vent just stressed out anticipating the problems and so sick with a cold. Do I sound like a horrible person cause I get feeling guilty for feeling this way 
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Do I sound like a horrible person cause I get feeling guilty for feeling this way
Not at all. You sound like someone who has been through the wringer and has finally had enough. This isn't some 8 year old kid, this is a 22 year old adult, who has been given plenty of opportunities to straighten out, yet refuses to do so. I don't think anyone here would blame you for the way you are feeling. I do think many of us would tell you to stop feeling guilty about it. Guilt is something we feel when we've done something wrong. You haven't done anything wrong, so you have no reason to feel guilty.
Also, the fact that he's moving back to your state does not mean that you will have to deal with anything. He's an adult and you don't have to do things for him that he is capable of doing himself, even if he doesn't do them. If you keep making things easier for him, he'll never learn to do things for himself.
Have you tried al-anon or nar-anon meetings? They can be very helpful when dealing with an addict.
Not at all. You sound like someone who has been through the wringer and has finally had enough. This isn't some 8 year old kid, this is a 22 year old adult, who has been given plenty of opportunities to straighten out, yet refuses to do so. I don't think anyone here would blame you for the way you are feeling. I do think many of us would tell you to stop feeling guilty about it. Guilt is something we feel when we've done something wrong. You haven't done anything wrong, so you have no reason to feel guilty.
Also, the fact that he's moving back to your state does not mean that you will have to deal with anything. He's an adult and you don't have to do things for him that he is capable of doing himself, even if he doesn't do them. If you keep making things easier for him, he'll never learn to do things for himself.
Have you tried al-anon or nar-anon meetings? They can be very helpful when dealing with an addict.
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Originally Posted by suki44883 
Do I sound like a horrible person cause I get feeling guilty for feeling this way
Not at all. You sound like someone who has been through the wringer and has finally had enough. This isn't some 8 year old kid, this is a 22 year old adult, who has been given plenty of opportunities to straighten out, yet refuses to do so. I don't think anyone here would blame you for the way you are feeling. I do think many of us would tell you to stop feeling guilty about it. Guilt is something we feel when we've done something wrong. You haven't done anything wrong, so you have no reason to feel guilty.
Also, the fact that he's moving back to your state does not mean that you will have to deal with anything. He's an adult and you don't have to do things for him that he is capable of doing himself, even if he doesn't do them. If you keep making things easier for him, he'll never learn to do things for himself.
Have you tried al-anon or nar-anon meetings? They can be very helpful when dealing with an addict.
Not at all. You sound like someone who has been through the wringer and has finally had enough. This isn't some 8 year old kid, this is a 22 year old adult, who has been given plenty of opportunities to straighten out, yet refuses to do so. I don't think anyone here would blame you for the way you are feeling. I do think many of us would tell you to stop feeling guilty about it. Guilt is something we feel when we've done something wrong. You haven't done anything wrong, so you have no reason to feel guilty.
Also, the fact that he's moving back to your state does not mean that you will have to deal with anything. He's an adult and you don't have to do things for him that he is capable of doing himself, even if he doesn't do them. If you keep making things easier for him, he'll never learn to do things for himself.
Have you tried al-anon or nar-anon meetings? They can be very helpful when dealing with an addict.
I feel so alone at times with my feelings, the one person I could always talk to passed away 4 years ago which was my mom ♥ Its times like this I wish I could pick up the phone to call her. Thank you again Member
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Nel, my observation in my family, the in-laws, with my husband's brother, is that by always fixing everything for him, and taking him in, over and over, is that he is still a child at 46 years old. I think it is good to have your son do for himself and find the right path. If you have sent him ot rehab more than once and he is an adult, you have done alot for him.
And the best thing you can do forever, and all of us(I have young kids) is to lead by example. Be sober and healthy and kind, etc...
And the best thing you can do forever, and all of us(I have young kids) is to lead by example. Be sober and healthy and kind, etc...
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Originally Posted by Sapling
Nel...You're in early recovery yourself aren't you?....Maybe I'm wrong.
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This is a rule that I live by Nel...Because I have to...Or I die. NOBODY...Mother, Father, Sister, Brother, Girlfriend, Exwife, Friend, Enemy...NOBODY....Get's priority over my sobriety...Because without my sobriety....I'm dead.
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Originally Posted by Sapling
This is a rule that I live by Nel...Because I have to...Or I die. NOBODY...Mother, Father, Sister, Brother, Girlfriend, Exwife, Friend, Enemy...NOBODY....Get's priority over my sobriety...Because without my sobriety....I'm dead.
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Originally Posted by rochele
Nel, my observation in my family, the in-laws, with my husband's brother, is that by always fixing everything for him, and taking him in, over and over, is that he is still a child at 46 years old. I think it is good to have your son do for himself and find the right path. If you have sent him ot rehab more than once and he is an adult, you have done alot for him. And the best thing you can do forever, and all of us(I have young kids) is to lead by example. Be sober and healthy and kind, etc...
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I think as women we tend (or at least I do) to feel more feelings of guilt and emotion more then men. I know all the men in my life do not share the same kind of emotional thinking I go threw... not at all. (My little family is all men no sisters,daughter,nieces and my mom passed) I guess I just need to keep things in perspective and try not to drive myself crazy worrying about the future. Thanks everybody.
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