Demetris

I have gone 1 day without a drink..lol..already bored with the idea of never drinking again. I know I am missing out on most of my life because I am either drunk or hungover. Never really present.
Being disconnected is like the only time I feel free from the chaos going on around me. I have two children and two step children. They are all very lovely but sometimes I feel like I am not enough. It feels like when I don't drink my mind is in overdrive...gotta work work work....be a good mom..be a good mom, daughter wife whatever..
I never just drink 1 or 2, I think why waste my time, I barely got a buzz, it just makes me tired. I am soooo tired of this @#!@#. But I feel barely alive when I am sober. Also afraid to publicly admit my problem:/
I am very concerned for my health because I can see the disease progressing. At first it was all fun and games but now it is all I think about. I have read all about this problem but still feel reservations about making the commitment. I have never been great with commitment. Afraid to fail those most important to me..I know how strong the pull is.

dababy

I'm new on here so I'm not even going to pretend to give advice. Just know that I am here rooting for you!

augustwest

here's some motivation....keep drinking and your children will end up without a father

2granddaughters

Get to AA. Your post is pretty well spot on with most AA's I know. We stay out there in fear until there is nowhere else to go.
Bite the bullet, get to the meetings. You will be with others on the road to recovery.

Best of luck.

Bob R

Sapling

Look at it like this....Being disconnected.....Is the cause of all the chaos going on around you.

Anna

I hope that you find the motivation to stop drinking, for yourself and for your children.

Living a sober life is only boring if you allow it to be.

phoebe64

And, there is something to be said for getting used to boring, as opposed to chaos in life, right?

Simple pleasures like feeling really good when you wake up, and taking a walk with your kids, and not just thinking about when will it be 5:00 so you can have some wine(my situation). Having the energy and being resent to really enjoy your kids, and do stuff with them. it isn't boring at all, once you feel well.

But, I have relapsed, as well. It is hard. Day 7, so I am early in again.

Welcome.

Purplecatlover

I used to think it was my"medicine" to deal w/stress. And the constant pressure I put on myself to be the best wife, mom, etc.
I soon realized most of my stress was self induced by alcohol & perfectionism.
I'm now a month sober, my stress & anxiety is more than 1/2 what it was.
I have more patience, learned to be happy with just being me (not perfect) just do the best I can.
Alcohol was poisoning my mind, thoughts & body.
Life is so much easier sober, boring and all

Fenris

Demetris, I hope you find the resolve to stay sober. I felt a lot of the things you're feeling when I quit drinking, and I've relapsed a couple of times because of similar thoughts/feelings. After about six months of sobriety though, I can honestly say that my life is more interesting and less chaotic than it was when I drank. I've found new ways to fill my time, new interests to pursue, and the beginnings of what many people call "serenity", an inner peace that I don't want to trade for temporary oblivion. Doesn't mean that everything's a basket full of rainbows and smiling puppies, but even the bad days are better because I'm learning how to deal with them in a way that doesn't further harm myself or others. I hope you find that too. Keep coming back here to read and post. Lots of good support here.

--Fenris.

justhadenough

or a mother. think the original poster is female. totally agree with your point Augustwest. that's one of the reasons I stopped so I could start being a proper mum.

justhadenough

double post

Dee74

Welcome Demetris

I never went a day without drinking either...I had no idea how to live sober - I didn't want to change my life - the thought scared me.

So I kept drinking...and things got worse and worse.
In my case I nearly died.

So...I made the changes - it was hard at times, sure, but no harder than my drinking life - and I found a lot of support here

Five years on, I'm happy with who I am, I love my life and I'm there for the people who love me.

All I had to do was give up drinking - and I've never regretted it

good to have you here Demetris

D