Went off the wagon, hard.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 140
Went off the wagon, hard.
I drank last night. I drank a lot last night. I said some horrible things last night. I don't like being reminded about last night.
It's all too familiar, this is what always happens when I drink. I had abstained for a long time. I woke up and cried, it felt good; to cry, not to drink.
I'm going to get in touch with a counselor that worked with me in the past. For a long time I have stopped seeing her just to save a bit of money. I had this sudden mindset of instant gratification last night and that I was going to drink. Typical I would make it about what I want. Although I am ashamed of what I have said to others and what I put my body through, I'm not going to give up.
I think what I've learned from this experience is I have been staying sober for the sake of others, but I think that has me harbor resentment toward others. I have to really want this to make this work all the time, and I know that I really do. When I am sober, health is very important to me.
I am a bit shaken up at the moment but I am going to come around here more often.
It's all too familiar, this is what always happens when I drink. I had abstained for a long time. I woke up and cried, it felt good; to cry, not to drink.
I'm going to get in touch with a counselor that worked with me in the past. For a long time I have stopped seeing her just to save a bit of money. I had this sudden mindset of instant gratification last night and that I was going to drink. Typical I would make it about what I want. Although I am ashamed of what I have said to others and what I put my body through, I'm not going to give up.
I think what I've learned from this experience is I have been staying sober for the sake of others, but I think that has me harbor resentment toward others. I have to really want this to make this work all the time, and I know that I really do. When I am sober, health is very important to me.
I am a bit shaken up at the moment but I am going to come around here more often.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Northern Utah
Posts: 920
RA, I understand. I've been on and off the wagon for a few years. I had gone 5 days Friday when I drank and drank a lot. Like you, I behaved in a way that I am not at all proud of.
Don't beat yourself up too hard. You've picked yourself up and come here to get support. Good work! I am going to write about the stuff that I did Friday (broke some blinds, yelled at my husband, threw shoes, said things I didn't mean) so that I can remember what can happen when I put that crud (alcohol) in my body. I don't want to beat myself up over it, but I don't want to forget it, either.
Be good to yourself.
Don't beat yourself up too hard. You've picked yourself up and come here to get support. Good work! I am going to write about the stuff that I did Friday (broke some blinds, yelled at my husband, threw shoes, said things I didn't mean) so that I can remember what can happen when I put that crud (alcohol) in my body. I don't want to beat myself up over it, but I don't want to forget it, either.
Be good to yourself.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 134
I'm glad you came here and posted, it's so easy to just avoid reaching out and letting one slip become another. I have, as many many others have had, plenty of slips and falls and all you can do is dust yourself up and not allow one to become another. It's always hard to have to look back and go "not again" about things you said/did while drinking, but just let that be incentive to not drink today.
Do something kind for yourself today, and we're here to offer support.
Do something kind for yourself today, and we're here to offer support.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 879
Hi Raiseanchor. This is just kind of a side-comment to your post...one thing that I think is Not helpful at all in recovery is to call it "on the wagon". I used to call it that too, & I think it somehow denigrates recovery. Insinuates somehow that our sobriety is temporary. Because if you're "on the wagon", then you could easily be "off". Words & self-talk are very powerful.
I like what Nirvana said about doing it differently this time.
Best wishes to you in your sobriety.
I like what Nirvana said about doing it differently this time.
Best wishes to you in your sobriety.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,531
Hi RaiseAnchor. I'm sorry you're so miserable. Nothing worse than remorse & guilt after drinking. You don't have to go back there again, though. Thank goodness it's preventable.
It's good you're seeing the counselor again. You can start over and this time it will last. Keep on talking to us & let us know how it's going.
It's good you're seeing the counselor again. You can start over and this time it will last. Keep on talking to us & let us know how it's going.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Wichita KS
Posts: 53
Write down exactly how you feel right now.... Every pain, every emotion...everything. Keep it close to you and next time you feel like drinking pull out that paper and see where drinking took you and how you felt....If it's not enough to keep you from taking that first drink...you didnt write enough
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 11
I agree that you can't beat yourself up over "falling off the wagon". It won't do anything but depress you and lower your confidence to stay sober. I'm only 29 days sober so I'm no expert. But I probably had 25 times where "I'd fallen off the wagon" after a week or ten days.
For me, admitting the truth about alcoholism was very, very important. The truth is that it, and any other chemical substance addiction, is a disease. And the disease will give you nothing in return except for erasing your experiences in this life.
For me, admitting the truth about alcoholism was very, very important. The truth is that it, and any other chemical substance addiction, is a disease. And the disease will give you nothing in return except for erasing your experiences in this life.
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