DonDraper

So i finally admited to myself and wife that i am an alcoholic :-/ this is my second time being married. I live in boston and i'm trying to figure out how i can get help. My longest sobriety periosd was a year but i ended up cracking becsaus ei was doing it on my own.

I sat and thought today why am i like this. I didn't tell my wife but i really hate myself. People around me want to be like me. They don't even know how terrible i am. I have a beautiful wife, kids, family, home etc etc.

I wonder how can i have accoplished so much and still be this much of a drunk?

for the first time i forgot my son's birthday i just don't know where to turn. I wonder if anyone else understands the self hatred aspect of this?

Dee74

I think most of us understand that very well Don - I hated myself with a vengeance.

I also accomplished a lot when drinking - but I've realised now, since I quit, how much more I can accomplish...

No matter what recovery method you're thinking of, you'll find a lot of different methods represented here anyway - and a ton of understanding and support

it's good to have you with us - welcome

D

artsoul

Oh, believe me, we get it....!

Drinking took me to a dark place emotionally. It creates depression and anxiety, so no wonder we feel depressed and anxious! It also isolated me from others and even from myself.

It's hard to finally give up and ask for help, but really - none of us can do this alone. I'm glad you found us today!

Impurrfect

(((Don))) - trust me, we do get it. No one could hate me any more than I hated myself.

I'm glad you're here..SR has been a huge part of my recovery and it's really great knowing that people here really do "get" me I hope you find the same..welcome to the family!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

debsam

welcome Don - glad you're here.

A lot of great support. Get comfortable and have a read around

This can be a new beginning for you - we truly understand

sugarbear1

Welcome home!

loudog430

I'm with you on the self hatred.....Im 8 days sober....Wishing things would speed up, questioning everything I do and about life. I am sure it gets easier. SOme volunteer work bright and early with the family may help lift your spirit and give you some purpose and self esteem.

1undone

Hi Don! Towards the slow and painful end of my drinking career I woke EVERY morning saying some very bad things to myself and feeling very ashamed! It's taken me almost a year to get my brain to consistently in a more positive place since my journey towards a sober life started.

Without the pain of self hatred I don't think I would have stopped. . I think you are on your way to making some changes. You wouldn't be posting here if you weren't ready to reach out.

blackkitty

I hate myself too. I'm So addicted to so many things. I understand how you feel.

Dee74

welcome to you too blackkitty

katrinka

I also understand. I felt like a phony and two-faced (hence my avatar) Not anymore! The shame is lifting and I feel much better about myself. Sobriety is so worth the effort. Good luck to you!

Purplecatlover

I completely understand the self-hatred, which kept me in the vicious cycle of alcohol. But you can stop. You can break the cycle. You can love yourself & life again. You have to do whatever it takes to stay sober, AA,Rational recovery, etc. Everyone will have suggestions just find what works for you.
After a few few weeks of struggling, it got much easier for me. I could see the damage it had done to me, mainly emotionally.
I'm so much happier now & I never thought I could overcome this until I found SR.
Welcome!