Tulips77

I'm on day 6 and I realize I'm all over the place in my emotions and expectations, but, this just seems really insensitive to me. He knows I'm struggling and I said as much when I poured myself a cranberry soda. Fridays were our night together to drink and unwind so obviously since this is my first friday of not drinking, it's especially brutal. Looks like he's keeping the tradition going without me. I don't know, I can't expect him to make the same decision as I have but I guess I was hoping that he would at least help me through these first few days/weeks when the pull is so strong.

I won't break tonight. That much I know.

aussieblue

Tulips sorry your going through this , my husband is a drinker and never stopped in the early days for me either ,it makes it really hard .Stay strong and stick close to the forum for support. Thinking of you.

Dee74

I'm sorry Tulips - sometimes other people just can't understand.

I'm glad you're staying strong.
Stick with it and eventually what others do won't be an issue

Till then you'll find a lot of support here

D

Tulips77

Thank you, aussie. I will.

katrinka

My husband said he would help me when I first quit drinking but he didn't. He asked me a few times if it was OK with me if he had a beer, but what am I supposed to say? He's not a problem drinker so I don't feel like I should make a big deal out of it. I must say though that there are fewer debit slips for beer and I haven't noticed him drinking very much this week. Maybe your husband will be more considerate when he sees how serious you are.

Tulips77

That's exactly how it is with us.

I can't help but be bummed because after my last brutal binge last Saturday where I fell and hurt myself, he sat me down and said I should stop drinking (I had already made that decision myself) and I agreed with him. Now he's pouring himself silly while I struggle. Just seems insensitive but I can't focus on that, I guess.

sugarbear1

Try a marriage counselor.

Purplecatlover

You've got to do this for you. I posted a similar thread in the beginning of my recovery. That little alcoholic voice in my head was trying to find a cheap excuse to get mad at him & justify a relapse. He's drank everyday but 2 of my 27 days sober & now I don't care. I have the problem not him. Stay strong, you can't control other people, only yourself.

Purplecatlover

He probably wants to know your serious before he stops. That's what my husband told me, anyway.

Tulips77

Yeah, I'll get through tonight sober. I'm certain of that.
And, yes, I know a marriage counselor would help...been there, done that.

Purplecatlover

One day at a time. Deep breath. Move on. Read & post. SR saved me!

justhadenough

I can relate to this as my husband also drinks but unlike me, normally and doesn't have a problem. It is difficult as we used to drink together but just because I decided to quit I don't think he should quit just because of me -I agree with others we do this for us. It would be easy for me to say oh I'm having a drink because he is, and I'd probably blame him for me having a drink.

I know now though that it's for me-what others do doesn't matter. Interestingly, I'm on day 40 now and I have noticed that since I've stopped he doesn't seem to be drinking as much, although still has a couple most nights. I mentally switch off and don't look at his glass. Maybe your husband will cut down now his drinking buddy has quit. good luck.

langkah

Remember that you decided to be fully determined to fight your urges.

Dazee

I don't have this problem but have to say I'm so impressed with those of you who stop drinking and stay sober while your partner's are drinking. I honestly don't think I could do it. Hats off to you! It says a lot about your strength and determination.

Tulips77

I'm awake and feeling refreshed, strong and most of all...sober! On to day 7!

Cascabel

My wife has continued to drink since I quit. I guess it doesn't bother me that much since she is fairly discrete about it. Also, since there are bottles of wine in the cupboard I have to deal with temptation when "drinking time" rolls around. So far, having wine available to drink is less of a problem than is dealing with the habits that I have developed around drinking. I just try to divert myself when I get the urge; after about ten minutes the urge lessens. So far, though, it has never gone away.

neferkamichael

Congratulations on the 7 days tulips. You sound strong, you'll quit no matter what anybody else does. Good luck.

justhadenough

Congrats on day 7 Tulips-the worst week is over with

sadsoul2011

First - great job on staying sober last night! Way to Go!

Having a spouse that continues to drink can be an added challenge. I know, I have one. And one that drinks quite a bit. I just hit 4 months yesterday and it is getting easier. In the beginning I went through periods when it bothered me and periods when it didn't....

For years I used the "excuse" that he was drinking so I couldn't stop. Then I finally stopped. I know he didn't believe me at first (and still wonders), that I quit, because he had heard it SO MANY TIMES BEFORE. Ugh! I can't blame him. My goodness, I don't even know how many times over the 25 years I said "that's it" (and it *maybe* lasted a couple of days).

Making the decision to quit and then shaking up your schedule will help. When your AV starts in about your husband drinking, tell it to pound sand and change your thoughts....I would start planning what I was going to do in the evenings with my hobbies etc...

You can't control your husband. You can only control you, what you think about and what you do. You proved last night that you can "do your own thing".

Your actions will speak louder than words.

Continue to lead by example - you never know where you will both end up!

phoebe64

Congratulations on day 5 and for resisting tempation last night. Somehow I miised your discussion last night. I was living the same evening! I just sat here reading and reading, and on another board(unrelated to drinking) where I have long term friends. I also said right to him, I am taking the kids out to KMart, since I cannot drink and it is kind of hard to hang here and watch you do it. So, maybe he will get th emessage.

What I think I noticed, is my dh seems to hide how much he is having when I am trying not to drink. Not sure if that is to make it easier on me, or because he knows I am sober and well, to a sober person, 6-7 beers seems like alot more than it does to a person who has drained a bottle of wine along side of you!

I know we say they are normal drinkers, but do normal drinkers really have 5-7 beers every weekend night, and have to sleep int until 10 each of the following days? That is the flipside. The clarity of being sober makes me see the wate fo time. My son and i are here bright eyed and resdy for the day, and he is up there, smelly and having troubl waking. And he went ot bed about 90 minutes ahead of me.

But not for s to judge. I think last time i had several months in, he did seem to cut back over time. But if I had any, he sees it as a license to have more. he uses me as a barometer. I think it speaks of a problem. Oh well.

Hang in there tulips. Day 5 for me, and I was so close to opening a bottle of wine last night. I am so glad I didn't righ tnow. I will be here tonight I am sure, when he starts up again. I need ot get my energy up for some hobbies. I do make beaded jewelry, but just have not felt very creative lately.

Sigh...