Imthatguy2012

I know that I'm new here and i was very active on here last week trying to read and learn and understand. But i fell off the path last friday night. I went to my parents and got sucked back into it by some old friends i ran into at dinner. I wanted to stop after the one beer they bought me at dinner, but i soon found myself picking up an 18 pack with my dad on the way home. 18 beers and many shots of whiskey later i was up by myself and i was to ashamed to even log into this website. I went to bed telling myself that this was the last time. I woke up and felt awful... My parents had to go to the hospital and i was home alone. I got in my car and drove back to my apartment and saw my ex there packing up her things for work. I sat there trying to explain what happened and told her i needed help, but she is way over listening to me for that. "you need to help yourself" she said, and i did to all the beer and jack in the fridge. I called my parents asking for them to come pick me back up and take me back to their house and i got there and had another drink. went to bed (aka passed out on the couch with the drink in my hand). Woke up sunday and my brother was there getting ready work the superbowl. He walked in with a bottle of jager and an 18 pack, but we bought 12 more before we started going at it again. By the time the game was over we were sloshed. But that didnt stop us from trying to drink everything in the house, we didn't get that far we both passed out before that. Now it's monday and i had the day off and so did he. His exact words were forget this its my day off i can have a beer if i want and he pulled two out of the fridge one for him one for me. We drank all the beer that was left over from the night before and it was only 12:30pm when we were done with those. My mom had to go back to the ER that day and so my brother and i went to his apartment (with a ride from his g/f) and we had more beer and jager... basically the night went like that. I was taken out to a party when all i wanted to do was go home because i had to work and i was worried about mom. I don't even remember the party. I called out of work on tuesday because i wasn't thinking with my right mind (i called before i was slurring my words and forgetting things). I lied to them saying i had to take care of my mom because she was going back into the hospital with back problems. I feel terrible about that. I woke up on tuesday morning at my brothers apartment not knowing how i got back there. Huge gash on my shin from falling down the outside stairs. I have not had a drink since. I'm in so much pain still after 60 hours of no alcohol, but i think i am trying to recover from 72 hours of alcohol. I went to my first meeting ever last night got a chip. I got a call from my brother to skip the meeting and hang out, i was mean to him, but i told him no. No I'm done being a loser, being broke all the time, feeling like crap all the time, calling out of work, and losing girlfriends. I told him im finding new friends and im sticking to this. He was angry about that, but i really dont care i need to work on me.

Sorry that is a huge run-on paragraph but i was just trying to get it all out and be honest and the words started flowing. I'm over this whole thing and im making this change for real

Imthatguy2012

thank you for reading... and i am thoroughly embarrassed about this... but i have to tell the truth

Fubarcdn

It is good you came right back and didn't fall back to where you were.
It is hard but sometimes we have to change our friends in order to move forward and it is insightful that you see that.
I am sure your brother doesn't want to lose his drinking buddy but you have to move on to better things.
Good luck on your quest.

Imthatguy2012

Thank you. Ya i am changing friends as soon as i can i met quite a few nice guys who invited me out with them this weekend, last night. I hope to hang out with them again tonite.

Sapling

That's a bummer...But it shows you what one beer can do to you...Good lesson. Here is something to think about...

You won't need to drink...If you don't have a drink.

Don't pick up the first one...And meet some people at the meetings....They'll get you in a lot less trouble.

2granddaughters

Are you attending AA meetings in Jacksonville?

Imthatguy2012

yes i am

instant

I hope you can find the strength and courage to continue on a good path for yourself. I fear how much longer you could last living like that.

It may be that in time by your example your brother can see there is a better way .

Imthatguy2012

i never thought about it that way but that is an excellent point!! even more motivation!

MustStop

I appreciate your post because thats exactly what would happen to me if I had one beer with my dad and the same follow through drinking if my brother showed up.

Dee74

welcome back I'mthatguy

D

Jitterbugg

Your post brought back some ugly memories for me. Calling in 'sick' to work while I slurring my words over the phone and having my GF walk out on me in disgust was a regular thing for me. I need to be reminded of these experiences to stay sober. When I get tempted, I ask myself if buying a case of beer is worth a week of shame, regret, and no grocery money. Anyway, what's done is done...just get back on the wagon and try again.

katrinka

It seems like your Mom might need your help and support right now. Maybe concentrating on her will give you some incentive to stay sober. Good luck, we're rooting for you!

CaiHong

welcome back Imthatguy,
Stay strong in your resolve, keep attending meetings, the support of the fellowship is invaluable.
This is the most important thing you will do in your life as others have said be an example to your brother that is the best thing and only thing you can do for him.
your sobriety will be the best gift to your mother and ultimately to yourself.
you can do
CaiHong

Hevyn

I'm so glad you came back. Never feel embarassed or ashamed. We all understand, & many of us have slipped & stumbled before we got it right. This last episode will probably make you even more determined. You can do this - we are here to listen and help.

SomethingBetter

My brother was my best drinking buddy, so I can relate, you are choosing right, just know it may not be easy but it gets easier in time, and in time your brother might see the path and choose it too.

NewBeginning010

Welcome back, I hope this can stick for you this time

hungover12

Hey there,

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I also go on those ridiculous benders that last for days, then feel like poo the whole next week, too. We need to realize that our bodies are not meant to process that amount of liquor....It is not worth it, and if I were you I would stay away from all the drinkers, (even though its your bro) until you feel comfortable.

Good luck!

langkah

Wow ITG...doing AA, hanging out with the sober guys? If you keep heading the way you're going this actually might be the last time.

DeusX

Thank you for sharing Imthatguy2012

I totally relate man. Having many girlfriends walk out, lost tons of jobs....kept the alcohol flowing because it seemed like the only solution to my problems at the same time I was in pain because it was the one thing also causing all of my problems. I felt doomed. I swore to never drink many times, promised many people yet after a few days or sometimes weeks I would expect different results and tell myself I can have just a couple, no one will find out and I will feel good for awhile but it never went that way...I always ended up waking up with more regrets and empty promises.

Finding help was difficult because without booze I had so much anxiety and fear, panic attacks even. I had to get to a point where I was desperate enough to be willing to do anything to end the miserable mess inside my head. I went to AA thinking maybe, just maybe, hopefully something can help or I can learn how to stay sober...and someone was there to help and I did learn how to stay sober.

Hang in there, be strong, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I hope your fog clears soon so you can see it