day 3 - angry!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 85
day 3 - angry!!!
I'm on day 3 now. Physically I'm doing ok, I've still had no energy though... and I'm getting worried about Friday. I was invited out for drinks after work with a new group of coworkers - and I really want to fit in with them, so I'm not sure what I'm going to do about that yet.
I'm just extemely angry today. At one of my coworkers in particular. I thought we were pretty good friends, and she is one of TWO PEOPLE IN THE WORLD that I've confided in about my desire to quit drinking (she has addiction issues herself and in her family). I found out that she betrayed my trust in 2 ways - by spreading a nasty, untrue rumor about me, and by actually telling someone else at work about my drinking problem. I have been very private about my issues with alcohol, so this is a huge deal to me. I feel completely embarassed and betrayed.
I haven't confronted her, I've just been fuming about it. Just makes me think that there's no one in this world you can trust.
I'm just extemely angry today. At one of my coworkers in particular. I thought we were pretty good friends, and she is one of TWO PEOPLE IN THE WORLD that I've confided in about my desire to quit drinking (she has addiction issues herself and in her family). I found out that she betrayed my trust in 2 ways - by spreading a nasty, untrue rumor about me, and by actually telling someone else at work about my drinking problem. I have been very private about my issues with alcohol, so this is a huge deal to me. I feel completely embarassed and betrayed.
I haven't confronted her, I've just been fuming about it. Just makes me think that there's no one in this world you can trust.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 27
Hey SnowDaisy. I'm day 10. I know that anger that you have. It does get a little better within time. This Friday, if it were me, I would find a way to pass on it until you are a little stronger. I've had to turn down a few events because I don't want to be tempted and I'm sooooo good at rationalizing. Instead, rent yourself a few good movies, grab a tub or your favorite ice-cream or bag of chips and chocolate. Wake up in the morning and do a workout, and treat yourself to a manicure or pedicure. Ever party that you turn down, reward yourself. I promise you, when you wake up the next day, you will be so happy that you did. 
With regards to your friend. She's not really a close friend if she betrayed you like that. You've already confronted her. End of story. Be done with her and if she's a co-worker, simply deal with her on a professional manner. You are in such a better place then she is and she is going to try and bring you down. New level, new devil!!! BIG HUG
With regards to your friend. She's not really a close friend if she betrayed you like that. You've already confronted her. End of story. Be done with her and if she's a co-worker, simply deal with her on a professional manner. You are in such a better place then she is and she is going to try and bring you down. New level, new devil!!! BIG HUG
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 149
Oh Snowdaisy, that is HORRIBLE! I'm sorry your bigmouth coworker is talking about you. Recovery is hard enough and who needs people whispering and giving you the side eye.
I would try and ignore it all, you are strong and I know this because you are here with us. Addiction is a beast and it takes a very strong person to deal with it. As for your friend, I would would give her the cold shoulder and remove her from your thoughts. I understand your mad and embarressed, but don't let a twit like that ruin your progress. She is not worth it. Stay strong!
I would try and ignore it all, you are strong and I know this because you are here with us. Addiction is a beast and it takes a very strong person to deal with it. As for your friend, I would would give her the cold shoulder and remove her from your thoughts. I understand your mad and embarressed, but don't let a twit like that ruin your progress. She is not worth it. Stay strong!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 746
SnowDaisy
I haven't told my secret to anyone! Not even the closest friend. I and will not for a long time.
What you could do is just tell that person that it was a joke and that you enjoy life they way you like. Change the rumor topic. Say that you have troubles with your new diet.
I haven't told my secret to anyone! Not even the closest friend. I and will not for a long time.
What you could do is just tell that person that it was a joke and that you enjoy life they way you like. Change the rumor topic. Say that you have troubles with your new diet.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
on Friday you will have 5 days sober, good start. it's very slippery to "go out for drinks" with co-workers at that time. You have to decide what is most important to you.
And if you want privacy, for now do not confide in people you work with. Keep your personal life out of the office.
And if you want privacy, for now do not confide in people you work with. Keep your personal life out of the office.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 85
I'm not going to tell her it was a joke, because she obviously knows otherwise. When she talks to me, I'm going to tell her why I'm upset. But honestly she has shown her character in doing those things, and I am done being friends with her. Period. I can't belive that someone that is so into AA and all that would go spout their mouth off like that. It's disgusting.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Snowdaisy, i am new here, day 2. That is lousy, what your coworker did to you. No way around it. I agree with those who say ignore, and move on. Give the lies and rumor no attention.
I am also faced with a party invite for tomorrow night. I have been craving an evening out with ladies. I do think I can go and not drink. I was sober for several months before and those times were a bit easier for me, since my heavy drinking was more of an at home watching TV thing. I was always on my guard socailly.
My lines were something like, "No thanks, I am really thristy for some water. Do you have any sparkling water?" Or, "I have to get to the gym early, so I will have water." Something nobody can question or pressure you for!
it is usually a PTO ish thing, so I prefer to keep it simple and not overshare.
Good luck with all of it.
I am also faced with a party invite for tomorrow night. I have been craving an evening out with ladies. I do think I can go and not drink. I was sober for several months before and those times were a bit easier for me, since my heavy drinking was more of an at home watching TV thing. I was always on my guard socailly.
My lines were something like, "No thanks, I am really thristy for some water. Do you have any sparkling water?" Or, "I have to get to the gym early, so I will have water." Something nobody can question or pressure you for!
it is usually a PTO ish thing, so I prefer to keep it simple and not overshare.
Good luck with all of it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
To carify, I meant to give the lies and rumor no attention to those who she told. Like it is not true or worth your time.
Certainly confront her if you feel you can deal with it now. She should know how lousy it was, what she did.
Certainly confront her if you feel you can deal with it now. She should know how lousy it was, what she did.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Central Texas
Posts: 223
I'm sorry this happened to you. Really stinks! If your friend was really into AA as you say she should know better. Shame on her.
You are doing a great thing for yourself, hold your head high and ignore the idiots and oblivious....
Best,
Dazee
You are doing a great thing for yourself, hold your head high and ignore the idiots and oblivious....
Best,
Dazee
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: In a happy Bob Ross painting
Posts: 40
I've said this before and I'll say it till I'm dead: In my opinion, a recovering alcoholic should avoid any situation where the temptation of alcohol exists.
It's your life, not your friends that count. So you miss a party or a social gathering....who cares? If sobriety is not the #1 thing in your life, then there isn't anything else if you start drinking again.
Do not let peer pressure control your life or your decisions.
It's your life, not your friends that count. So you miss a party or a social gathering....who cares? If sobriety is not the #1 thing in your life, then there isn't anything else if you start drinking again.
Do not let peer pressure control your life or your decisions.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Queens, NY
Posts: 267
Hey all - great to see everybody giving snowdaisy such great advice. I do have one question though. Why are we all so embarrassed or secretive about our recovery? I have tried to rationalize this a million ways to Sunday, and I still conclude that coming from the horse - there isn't much left to gossip about. Sorry for the soliloquy, but here goes:
You were a closet private drunk:
- Nobody saw you get fall down stupid
- You likely never embarrassed yourself in public either verbally or physically (or very few times
- Everybody, and I mean everybody knows the effects of alcohol - it applies to everybody
My comment if somebody asks, or sees me not order wine at a party: I'm just so tired of waking up groggy and feeling horrible. I used to love my wine or scotch, and God sure knows I can hold my liquor - but I'm just getting too old now, and my body can't take that abuse anymore. I suppose if I could only have one, it would be ok - but i never did that well before either, so it's just water for me.
Retrospective: What are they going to say or gossip about? They never saw you get stupid or crash a car. So best as they know - you are just being a prude. Fine, I'm a prude, can we move on to a different topic?
You were a public drunk:
- Everybody saw you get fall down stupid
- You likely always embarrassed yourself in public either verbally or physically
My comment if somebody asks, or sees me not order wine at a party: Common, is there any question I shouldn't be drinking?
Somewhere in the middle of public/private:
- Some people saw you get fall down stupid
- You likely embarrassed yourself in public either verbally or physically a few times
My comment if somebody asks, or sees me not order wine at a party: To those who knew, see fall down drunk. To those who didn't see the nobody knew part above.
Either way - they only gossip when it's a secret. When you are open and honest and sober emphasis on sober - there is nothing left but applause.
Aside from people telling me I'm all wet or don't get the big picture or different strokes for different folks - my genuine belief about why we don't tell people - because we are afraid we are going to fail, and don't want to look like failures to everybody else. We are terrified that if we do drink again, now everybody will be looking at us funny. WELL - I think they will look at us funny, they will judge us, and for me - that's yet another reason for me not to pick up the bottle. So telling people for me is another layer of protection against picking up the bottle.
You were a closet private drunk:
- Nobody saw you get fall down stupid
- You likely never embarrassed yourself in public either verbally or physically (or very few times
- Everybody, and I mean everybody knows the effects of alcohol - it applies to everybody
My comment if somebody asks, or sees me not order wine at a party: I'm just so tired of waking up groggy and feeling horrible. I used to love my wine or scotch, and God sure knows I can hold my liquor - but I'm just getting too old now, and my body can't take that abuse anymore. I suppose if I could only have one, it would be ok - but i never did that well before either, so it's just water for me.
Retrospective: What are they going to say or gossip about? They never saw you get stupid or crash a car. So best as they know - you are just being a prude. Fine, I'm a prude, can we move on to a different topic?
You were a public drunk:
- Everybody saw you get fall down stupid
- You likely always embarrassed yourself in public either verbally or physically
My comment if somebody asks, or sees me not order wine at a party: Common, is there any question I shouldn't be drinking?
Somewhere in the middle of public/private:
- Some people saw you get fall down stupid
- You likely embarrassed yourself in public either verbally or physically a few times
My comment if somebody asks, or sees me not order wine at a party: To those who knew, see fall down drunk. To those who didn't see the nobody knew part above.
Either way - they only gossip when it's a secret. When you are open and honest and sober emphasis on sober - there is nothing left but applause.
Aside from people telling me I'm all wet or don't get the big picture or different strokes for different folks - my genuine belief about why we don't tell people - because we are afraid we are going to fail, and don't want to look like failures to everybody else. We are terrified that if we do drink again, now everybody will be looking at us funny. WELL - I think they will look at us funny, they will judge us, and for me - that's yet another reason for me not to pick up the bottle. So telling people for me is another layer of protection against picking up the bottle.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
