JesseJe

Hey everyone new to the forum and glad to be here.

I have to stop drinking and doing drugs. I've always been really attracted to alcohol since I was 16. I'm 27 now and I don't think I have EVER gone more than a week with out a drink.

In the last year I've binged every single weekend where I stay up for 2 days drinking and taking cocaine or other drugs.

Last weekend was the worst. I had all these panic attacks and just feel so ashamed at what my life is becoming. I'm also aware and quite scared of the danger of this habit. (Specifically combining large amounts of coke and booze)

One of the biggest problems I find though is that so many people do this! It seems normal in the city.. Tons of parties everywhere. Maybe I just need to meet new people.

Anyway, I realized what alcohol and drugs have been doing for me all these years and they just mask the emotional issues I have with myself. I feel like if I stop for long enough, these issues can surface and I can deal with them in a healthy positive way. Enough with the self destruction!

I hope I can do this, I'm just looking for support and looking to give some where I can.

Wish us all luck!

wilson04

Im fairly new to this and to am sure i have a problem its not healthy to do the stuff we do to our bodies.I count mysekf lucky i never over dosed all though im sure it was close at times. I m dealing more with the mental part to the addiction right now and am finding it harder than the physical side of things your making the right choice

wilson04

live each day like its ur last !!!!!And dreams will come true -

loudog430

Living in a party town can be tough....but you have to find things that aren't party related. And people too. Believe it or not....not everyone parties.

Stay on this website and see the constant flow of people coming in and wanting to change their life. You are not alone. A lot will slip, and come back and try again. I know I have. Don't slip. There is a grander you awaiting in the shadows, ready to pop out. And believe me, people will be jealous and wonder how you did it. Then, you can help them.

ButterflyMan

Hey and welcome.

My storys reads much like your own. Hitting the binge all weekend, feeling depressed and unwell going back to work. This month I'll reach six months and I won't lie, it's been a nightmare at times.

If you really want to commit to changing your life for the better you need to have a clear reason for wanting to do so. You need to be prepared to dramatically change your life. You won't just be giving up booze but friends, your current social life and your whole view on what is a good time.

Visit often and stay positive. Bravery is always better than bottle if you catch my drift.

Sapling

Welcome Jesse....You are right...Something has to change...And that something is you. Coke and Booze binges....That'll kill ya.....That I know. I've seen that in action. I think meeting new people and dealing with it in a healthy positive way sounds great. Just to get real here...I'd look into some kind of structured program of recovery...I don't care which one...Take your pick. Put all the effort you can into it and be willing to make some major changes in your life....I lost too many friends to that combination....It's deadly. You don't want to play around with that for too long.

logo

What did I have to change in recovery. I had to change everything about me and that was no easy task. Recovery is a process of changing me and not worrying about anyone else. You can totally change your life if you will give recovery a shot and see what happens. If it does not work for you you can always go back to all out the pain and misery you were in. It was time for me to find a new way of life and follow that way. Give up the fight and find a new way to live. I had to surrender to this way of life for it to work for me.

2granddaughters

Jesse, are you going to AA ?

Bob R

jocata

Welcome Jesse. This forum is great place to start that change you want.

When I was using and drinking, I also thought that everone was drinking and using drugs. That's because the people I was with all the time were drinking and using. I didn't hang around anyone that didn't. Go figure. Now that I'm sober, those I hang around don't drink and drug, amazing how that works. I had to change just about everything in my life, not easy but well worth it.

Hang in there.

God bless.

JesseJe

Thank you all so much for the kind words and encouragement. It helps so much to know there's hope and people out there to help.

It's also good to clue in to how dangerous it is man. I cherish my body! And my life! I'm playing Russian Roulette for sure and I know it has to stop.

I'll have to prepare for how challenging it will be.. already this coming weekend there's a ton of stuff going on, shows, dance parties whatever and I'm like - well. I can't go. Not yet. I'd love to be able to go to a show without boozing one day but I don't trust myself yet.

I'm going to wait for AA. That would be too much for my head right now, though some might disagree. I've never tried to stop on my own, I've never even admitted it was a problem until just now so I'm going to see what kind of strength I can muster before that step.

If it turns out I slip up and do this to myself ever again I will go. Because I will have proven that I can't control it. I want to see if I can first.

Will be on here often. Thanks again so much.

artsoul

Coming here often really helped me (and still does)...... I remember feeling sad and restless that first Friday night without alcohol and spent the night and all of Saturday with my new friends on SR.

You're doing something really great for yourself! It takes time to develop new interests, so be patient with the process. I can tell you though, there's no buzz that can compare with looking at your life and being proud......

Welcome - we're glad you're here!

desertsong

Jesse, I live in a community where drinking and drug use are recreational sports....the price you pay for living in paradise, I guess.

No one is too far from recovery, though. Ironically, I found that out after living in this alcohol/drug infested paradise. I use the term loosely ...

The worst crap is behind you. My AA sponsor told me to just "feel what you're feeling" and don't look for an escape. Yeah. Right. But that's what it takes to get sober, even if it sucks, and in the early days, it DOES suck. All that matters is that you get through the crap without drinking. It is horrible ... yes. But the question to ask yourself is ... will it be better if I drink?

The answer, if we're all honest here is, "YES." But what we don't say to ourselves is, "YES ... but just for now." The fallout that we don't let ourselves address is far worse. And deep down in our gut we know that we are only prolonging the "problem," whatever it is.

Alcohol brings temporary relief ... which is why it keeps the hooks in us ... but we all know it takes more than it gives. What is it taking from you? And what is it giving you back? Those were questions I had to ask myself honestly ... the answers gave me what I needed to stay sober. Wish that for you as well.

Sapling

If you need AA someday it will be there...It's like this site. Nice to know it's there. What you said above here is a major step in the right direction....Too many people just don't figure that out. Your day will come for doing those things....Get a little time first. Best of luck to you...Sounds like you have a good idea what's going on.

ads62

I hear you Jesse. My life is a mess. I have also drank since teens and have drank regularly since I was about 26. Obviously stress and pain precipitate my need to mask the pain. Not a good childhood; both parents alcoholics. My ex-husband and I partied pretty regularly for years. He could control it, I couldn't. It was a source of contention with him, but he didn't let me have it, unless he was unhappy about something--which was pretty much all the time. Our relationship didn't help matters. And I drank more and more over the years. I am 50 this week. Depressing. Speaking of which, I've gone through severe depression for oh about going on 8 years. Left him had an affair got divorced, lost my job; unemployed for 9 months--then he died suddenly of a heart attack. Went into severe depression with so much guilt remorse, and sadness. I'm still depressed. I don't have any zest for life. I dwell on the past and want our life back. Too late. I'm having nips in the morning to face the day because I dread the day. I hate my job but obviously have no choice. I'm scared to death I willl lose my job. I'm in sales and the pressure is too much. I have quit for only 3 months a couple of years ago and a month in July. I drink more than a pint of vodka a day. Vicious cycle. I did feel better when I quit, but that hasn't been enough to take the step. I am talking with an old friend from years ago, and he's probably --surely a in worse shape than I am. We aren't romantically involved--he doesn't appeal to me at all. I find him weak because he's an alcoholic.. Oh the irony. Does the site alert you to responses? I posted a month or do ago and didn't get an alert. I'm looking for encouragement. I know I have to find the strength within ME. I'm so lonely and as it goes, alcohol is my best friend. I'm sitting here ready to call into work. I don't care, yet if I lose my job, I'll surely lose everything!! I'm still attractive in my decrepit age, yet who would want me? Men have, but I'm not interested in them, lately the old friend is clamping for a relationship. I'm not attracted to him at all. And wouldn't that be a good combo. I've told him he is in a sad state and pitiful. Can you imagine? He is though he posts pathetic messages on Facebook--and it's quite apparent he is an alcoholic. Ha I choose to live in my own world and appear strong. Ha! Always have appeared strong. How do I set an alert. I forgot where I posted before. Just have to remember where I posted?

JesseJe

All good advice. To ads62 I can only somewhat sympathize with you because I really don't know what that must be like. Only imagine.

The only source of comfort I can give you is that it's never too late. It's never too late to find the light in your life, and really, it's never gone, only covered up. In some cases more so than others but still, it's there.

I think seeking out spirituality in your life would be the only solution. The only thing that can start any change in your life will be a change within you. Even when it seems hopeless you have to dig real deep and find that inner voice that thinks you're worth it. That KNOWS your worth it.

Like I said, it's never too late, don't give up hope that is sometimes the only thing that will keep you going.

Hevyn

Hi JesseJe - Be proud that you've made a very wise decision. Continuing on that way would be dangerous. I binged on weekends forever, but the last few years of my drinking career I was never sober. I drank all day, every day & couldn't make a move without it. Somewhere along the way I lost the ability to control the amounts I drank. I never dreamed that could happen to me.

You have an upbeat, positive attitude & that will help! You'll find hope and encouragement here - it's a wonderful place. Congratulations on your new life.

JesseJe

I just wanted to check in again here and give a little update.

Although I didn't succeed in staying in this last weekend I did manage to sleep both night fully, and only drank very little. Also did not use any cocaine which was the first weekend without in about a year.

Trying to be proud of that. Also, Saturday night, there were two parties, people calling me to go out and I knew at one of them that's where they all do blow for days on end and I said no I'm going home. Was in bed by midnight and happy as hell the next morning!!

Also had some friends over for Valentines last night and they brought beers and wine and I didn't even want to drink. I just need to keep on with the support and thinking about the possibility of a sober life. I don't yet feel like I could go without, but I feel like I'm heading in the right direction. Thanks all, you definitely helped.

sissy07

Jesse,

I am glad you updated us!!! It sounds like you are on the right track. Breaking the cycle is not easy to do - it appears that you are on the road to doing that. Keep up the good work and keep posting!

sugarbear1

I wish you well on your sober journey! I hope you find a program and follow it. I tried stopping at 25 years of age, but there were too many parties to attend...

25 years later, I made a disaster out of my life. I had stopped the coke, ten years later in an alcoholic moment of weakness, I thought I'd try it again. My friend said, "Oh, I don't do it that way anymore." I learned how to free-base and within 2 years, I lost everything.

Ten years (of drinking cause I was so lost after destroying my lovely life) after that, I have 9 months of real sobriety/clean time. I know you have to learn for yourself, but.........

I wish you well on your sober journey! You can stay stopped and have a wonderful life!

davidf938

Jesse, please be aware that there are many programs out there. AA is not the only one. If you find benefit from it, so be it. My personal experience involved walking out of my first AA meeting and into a liquor store. My relationship with AA would not improve. It was often forced down my throat by the legal system and AA pureists. I rebelled by getting drunk. 30 years later, I was facing death from alcoholism and stumbled upon a program that truely helped me. On 2/14 of this year I will celebrate 3 years of sobriety without a single meeting. Life is still a struggle at times, but I don't need the temporary amnesia provided by the bottle. You can do this. If one program doesn't work, try another. Many are listed on this site. Best of luck to you.