chiyo

Not sure if this is the proper place to put this, but here it goes. Hey folks, first time posting here. I've been an alcoholic for 16 years and I have not been able to stay sober for more than a month or two at a time. I have this idea in my head that I cannot function without alcohol, and even though I know that's not true my brain is pretty good at convincing me otherwise when the choice to drink or not comes up. I have in the past tried AA, counseling etc with no luck. Right now, due to very recent events which I will not discuss, I am not able to leave my house anymore. I am working on it slowly and hope to be able to step outside soon.

My last relapse which happened last Wednesday and lasted day and night until Friday was a bad one. I thought I was a goner for sure but by some miracle I was given yet another chance. I know that pretty soon those chances will run out and that will be the end of me and I don't want that to happen. I'm still sitting here shaking like a leaf trying to muster up all the strength not to drink. I live in a very small community so most of my friends live within 2-5 minutes from my house so all I have to do is get on the phone and call one of them and they'll be here with alcohol in no time. Right now I consider every second that I don't make that phone call a victory. Anyway, enough rambling. Looking forward to meeting you all.

MentalLoop

Chiyo - the Big Book says (i've only read it, never been to AA yet) that by sharing your story, you help other people stay sober, and by extension it helps you stay sober. So let me specifically tell you how you have helped me. I am 70+ days sober and think every now and then that I must be a little different, because i kicked this thing the very first time I tried. And surely I must be different because I have seen a ton of posts on SR about people who have relapsed after a week or three. Of course, you don't need to be a rocket scientist to know that my brain is starting its trickery for me to believe i can drink responsibly. Well, in your first and second sentences you have just given me an attitude adjustment. Not only have you been sober many times in the past for as long as I have been on my mighty horse, but you have also shown me that despite this show of force I have, it can lead to 16 years of alcoholism.

So for today, I am no longer convincing myself I can do it responsibly, I am going to follow your lead, and not fool myself about my sobriety.

Thank you,

LindseyMarie

Hi Chiyo,

Your right, every second IS a victory! Glad to meet you

Dee74

Hi Chiyo
welcome

I know the feeling.

That fear fed my addiction & I kept on drinking more and more until I not only stopped functioning (ironic that), I damn nearly stopped breathing.

The only way out for me was to take the leap of faith - stop drinking and to make some pretty serious changes in my life.

I'm so glad I did tho - my life now is unrecognisable to what it was.
I love my life, I love who I've become, I regret nothing

You'll find a lot of support here

D

DarrenW

You speak often of the changes you made, Dee. Can you shed some light on those changes--as well as your plan for continued sobriety? Thanks!

sugarbear1

You can call your local AA Intergroup Office and ask for some people to come over and talk with you. search: aa city state

I never had a problem drinking, I had a problem staying stopped!!
Peace,

Dazee

Welcome chiyo!!

macknacat

needed to hear ya- thanks. Ironic- I have 16 years clean n sober. When i was out there i never put more than a few days together.

When i bottomed out i was , as they say, sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I have stuck with AA and NA- it became more important to save my ass rather than my face..
All i ever wanted was to embrace my own human-ness. i have. You can...

katrinka

Welcome Chiyo. I've been sober for 37 days and sometimes I've felt it has been minute by minute. Hang on, it gets easier and worth the effort.

CaiHong

Hi Chiyo,
I am sober 8 months with the support of AA and this forum. I hope you find what works for you.

CaiHong

chiyo

Thanks everyone. Its been a long and crazy day. I gave my cell phone to my sister so that I can't call anyone to bring alcohol, and now I'm going to bed, first time in years this early. I could probably use some sleep anyway.

gaffo

I just quit after 20+ years. Also sick and tired etc. It's just another one of those really hard things. At 100 days, it isn't as bad as it was. Life has sucky moments whether you're drunk or sober. At least the pay offs are great.

Have you thought about telling your friends that you're trying to give it up? I did that and now my drinking friends don't come over to drink beer as much or leave anything in the fridge...

Hevyn

Hi Chiyo! Glad you found us. SR has helped me stay strong & off the stuff for 4 yrs. I felt like you after my last binge - didn't see myself coming back from it, but here I am. You'll find many people with a story just like yours. I love the fact that we're never alone - we have each other.

EmeraldRose

Welcome chiyo. I drank for 30 years and have been in recovery for a year (January).
We all know how easy it is to get booze...but we all know the repetitous feelings we have if we give in.
I'm kinda likin' the sober feelings. It's so much more controllable, livable, managable.

You've done it once, you can do it again...and this time for good.

quitforme79

Welcome to SR Chiyo! I know it's tough but you are in the right place and seems like you have already been given a lot of good advice on this thread.. Hang in there and post when you need us!