stepping

Today is day 3 sober for me and I feel like I am doing OK. I had a bottle of red wine sitting hidden from me in case my WD got bad.....I thought that if at least I had it I would be OK....it is a mental thing...and I can't even explain it bc it is just weird

Anyway, day 3 and I am feeling great (well OK lol) physically. Tomorrow I return to work. The last relapse I had was after 22 days sober that arose after a very bad day at work. The first bad day that I had at work since I got sober for 22 days on 9-9-11.....I came home and had it set in my mind that I would drink 2 beers to "ease the stress".....well I literally chugged down my hidden "emergency 6 pack" that was in the fridge then. Then low and behold here we are back on track after a vicious relapse between Oct and this Thur. That one night led me to almost 5 months!!! DANG!!!!

Anyway, my point is THAT WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN! I am learning from my mistakes

Anyway, I just dumped the wine! The whole dang bottle! And I feel pretty darn good minus smelling it that was a bit hard. But it is GONNNEEE!!!!! And I am one step closer to continuing my new sober life

Orbea

Damn emergency reserve! Good for you!

jocata

Don't give up stepping.

God bless.

Anna

Good move! I find it's just easier to never have alcohol in the house.

blackoutgirl

Hey Stepping!! So glad that you are picking yourself back up You now have another experience to build upon to maintain your sobriety. I would be the same way, one or two drinks and it would be full speed ahead I'm afraid.

I hope you have a great work week I start training in a new area at work tomorrow, so I'm excited to get started. You can do this Stepping!! Keep on truckin friend!!

stepping

Orbea - I literaly LOL'd. Reserve just leads to trouble!!! I learned

Jocata - I won't give up! Makes it so much easier with people like you by my side. You are such a genuine soul

Anna - Thanks! Yes, I totally agree much easier to not have it in the house. I admit everytime I accidentally caught eye contact with that bottle my knees literally got weak! Makes it a lot easier to just know it is gone

blackoutgirl - Good luck on your new job area! That is great that you are excited to get started! Thanks for the wishes of a great work week! You do the same! I (scratch that) WE are gonna keep on truckin

Sapling

We are always learning...Work those steps and keep coming back!

GirlFromCO

Great job, stepping! I love it when people dump booze down the drain! It is seriously one of my favorite things to read here. :ghug3

stepping

Thanks sapling and cogirl!!! Ok so I am at work and would have never imagined having the energy to log into my phone and post an update when hung over. I didn't have the strength but here I am letting u guys know I am doing fabulous!!! I had a realization last night when reading. I had to switch things up in my thinking. I thought I drank bc I was unhappy but I was unhappy bc I was drinking. Guys I am so done and so happy. I'm so thankfulfor all of u sticking by me through my horrible relapse. But guess who is in control!!! This girl!!!! something just clicked. And that above switch aloud did it. Day 4 has been filled w appetite control, laughing and smiling, production at work. Not getting aggravated by little things. Living life on it's terms not my own. yay!! Hooe eeryones day is great. I'll check n when off. I'm on lunch now and on cloud nine

stepping

And for the record my thumbos and smart phone do a great job at making look like an illiterate slow person

lilac0721

Stepping...I am on my gazillionth day 2 and like you am feeling "ok" physically. Certainly better than I did yesterday!

I also dumped the remaining booze down the drain this morning. Feeling a little groggy, but know that it just gets better as time goes on. Lesson learned: we just need to keep trying.

GirlFromCO

Woo lilac! How good did it feel to dump that poison into the sewer where it belongs?

Dee74

good for you stepping - it is a powerful thing to do
so glad you're feeling better

D

lilac0721

To GirlFromCO: it felt pretty good to dump the stuff. BUT that wasn't the first time i've ever done that. Hopefully, it is my last. Thinking of booze as poison that belongs down the drain is really helpful. Because the stuff has exactly no qualities that are good for maintaining a healthy body mind or soul.

stepping

Yes lilac we HAVE to just keep trying; we can conquer this!! Dumping out remains of our addiction takes a lot of courage and DESIRE to change our ways! It feels good!!!! Doesnt it? Driving home today from work I got that thirst but I think it is because that is what I was used to...comeing home and medicating... No way am I trading feeling the way I did today for a hung over day from poison that was killing me. It's not worth it. And yes, it gets better and better....with drinking it just got worse and worse We can do this girl!!! Tomorrow will be day 5 and from what I hear the worse of the WD will be done! Gotta keep going and keep healing.

raindancer11

Good for you, stepping! Keep up the posting. It helped me make it past the rough times. After a while it won't be rough anymore. Life is infinitely better when we are sober.

augustwest

nice work dumping the poision. coming to terms with drugs not being the solution to my problems was tough, but it had to be done. now I can clearly see how arrogant I was to have the audacity to think I have a right to control my feelings by dumping substances into my body. a solution that's always destined to fail sooner or later.

some days just suck. that's part of being human, as is learning to navigate these days without drugs.

stepping

Thanks rain and august. That is so true august. I thought about that. I'm dealing with emotions. Basically learning to live again. The life god intended me to. I don't have the right to do what I always knew to do for thebpast eight years and that was to chase every emotion
Happy sad mad angry depressed anxious all of them with alcohol. It's no way to live and I'd kill myself if I kept it up. That's a given. Somethings changed n me and I wanna life. Wanna feel emotions. Wanna cry scream laugh love and get to know me!!!! Things are looking up. It's not gonna b easy but it has to be easier than trying to live w alcohol. It's not possible I was just surviving waiting til it got really bad. Thank god for where I am now. It's been a journey but now I am n control :-)

FlyerFan

A helpful suggestion, get a good emergency reserve, like a favorite snack or non-alcholic beverage. I have my fridge just stocked full of flavored iced teas, lol. and ice cream in the freezer. :P So when you want a drink, replace that thought with something else.

stepping

Day 5 sober passed like a whizzzz.
Well I had a bit of confusion kick in and one weird dejavu. My leg bounces up and down without me even knowing... just some notes to take in as I am recovering. For the past two nights I have slept like a baby. Hope tonight is the same.
Emotions were tested today and I just kept telling myself ....this is what it is spose to feel like. Let yourself feel. For once in my life I didnt say..a drink will fix this cause I didnt want to "fix" this. I wanted to feel it, react to it, and know that I have a choice and not just surrender bc I am too afraid to speak because I dont know if it is me or the alcohol/hangover emotions speaking. Now I know it is me speaking and I am gonna speak my mind even of my voices shakes cause what I am feeling is TRUE REAL MINE ..my emotions....real truthful feelings of this is how I feel and I demand respect because I am not just a drunkard anymore feelings!!! Above self respect that I am acquiring with sobriety I am requiring it from others as well. I don't feel weak, I dont feel alone, I dont feel out of control.......Augh that brings a HUGE smile to my face.