bad time 2 quit....
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,174
bad time 2 quit....
...i'm trying to think about what I'm reading here...its new. I'm having a tough time. My adored wife has separated from me, I'm alone here now. A year ago we had a stillborn baby....I went home and drank a bottle of vodka. we've struggled on, tomorrow would have been our little son's first birthday.
I'm using alcohol as an anaesthetic against loss & isolation.....how do you quit when its all you have against your circumstances? Is there a time when not to quit?
I'm using alcohol as an anaesthetic against loss & isolation.....how do you quit when its all you have against your circumstances? Is there a time when not to quit?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,426
I'm so sorry for your loss and your troubles.
I've tried to drink through grief before - it doesn't work canguy.
We're meant to deal with grief - we're meant to work through it.
Drinking doesn't allow us to do that - we just get stuck in a time warp where the grief is always there and we need the anaesthesia again and again.
Have you thought of counselling? That may help you start to deal with your grief.
I hope that coming here can help you start to deal with your drinking
Good to have you here.
D
I've tried to drink through grief before - it doesn't work canguy.
We're meant to deal with grief - we're meant to work through it.
Drinking doesn't allow us to do that - we just get stuck in a time warp where the grief is always there and we need the anaesthesia again and again.
Have you thought of counselling? That may help you start to deal with your grief.
I hope that coming here can help you start to deal with your drinking
Good to have you here.
D
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 609
I'm sorry that you're going through this, but drinking is really not the way to deal with it, as Dee said. I waited a very long time for the 'right time' to quit. Once such and such is over, I would, but not right now, etc. In the end I realized that I just had to do this, waiting for the right time was just postponing. The sooner you get sober, the sooner you can put your life back together and though it may be hard to see it now, I'm sure you have much better things ahead of you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 149
Im so sorry for your loss. This must be a very difficult time of year for you. I can only offer you words of encouragement. Please stay, this IS the time to get sober. Getting messed up will only make it worse in the morning and the days to follow. Please get the help you need, even tho we don't know eachother, I care about you. Good luck and god bless.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Canguy,
I am terribly sorry for the loss of your little son. It must be a very hard time now for you. But the best way to honor your little son is to take care of yourself. Dealing with this loss is hard, but it is hard because we love. You can do this, and we are here. There is much help and understanding here, and many who know what you are going through.
Please accept my most sincere sympathy, and prayers for your healing, your wifes, too. sending a hug,
chicory
I am terribly sorry for the loss of your little son. It must be a very hard time now for you. But the best way to honor your little son is to take care of yourself. Dealing with this loss is hard, but it is hard because we love. You can do this, and we are here. There is much help and understanding here, and many who know what you are going through.
Please accept my most sincere sympathy, and prayers for your healing, your wifes, too. sending a hug,
chicory
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
i drank to numb my feelings too but it backfired on me.
it took me a while, with the help of my wonderful counselor and my family here at SR, but i learned to accept my feelings and live with them, even the bad ones.
it took me a while, with the help of my wonderful counselor and my family here at SR, but i learned to accept my feelings and live with them, even the bad ones. Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Queens, NY
Posts: 267
Canguy,
I am sure that there is little you find comfort in, but I assure you that there are many reasons to find and keep sobriety. There is still so much left in your life, including addressing your relationship, honoring your son's memory and making tomorrow a better day than today. I can not begin to imagine your heartache and sorrow, but I am willing to listen if you want to share.
From your son, appreciate the fragility and preciousness of life. Make him proud to watch over his father from wherever he is resting. For him, keep the bottle down, and live everyday. Your success in sobriety can and will be an inspiration for all of us fighting and succeeding with you.
Look forward to a brighter and clear minded tomorrow. May your son rest in peace.
I am sure that there is little you find comfort in, but I assure you that there are many reasons to find and keep sobriety. There is still so much left in your life, including addressing your relationship, honoring your son's memory and making tomorrow a better day than today. I can not begin to imagine your heartache and sorrow, but I am willing to listen if you want to share.
From your son, appreciate the fragility and preciousness of life. Make him proud to watch over his father from wherever he is resting. For him, keep the bottle down, and live everyday. Your success in sobriety can and will be an inspiration for all of us fighting and succeeding with you.
Look forward to a brighter and clear minded tomorrow. May your son rest in peace.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
canguy - My heart goes out to you for what you've suffered.
Dee nailed it, though - there's no way to avoid dealing with loss and grief. I've tried staying numb until the pain lessened, but it was still there when I "came to". We're meant to feel those emotions so we can continue with the rest of our lives.
Brighter and happier days are ahead for you - please give yourself a chance. We know you can do this.
Dee nailed it, though - there's no way to avoid dealing with loss and grief. I've tried staying numb until the pain lessened, but it was still there when I "came to". We're meant to feel those emotions so we can continue with the rest of our lives.
Brighter and happier days are ahead for you - please give yourself a chance. We know you can do this.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,174
....thanks all, I'm really touched by your responses. Losing both baby then wife has just been unbelievable. Alcohol has produced so much grief and loss in all our lives I guess. Our son had to be delivered dead at 38 weeks, he was perfect in every way but the one that mattered. For the last year we've lived in an apartment with a baby's room, a cot, soft toys, drawers full of tiny clothes and his ashes in the bottom drawer of the desk. The room is empty now as are all the closets of my wifes things. I've drunk a river and cried an ocean in the last year. The last month has been a ton of booze.
Currently I'm seeing a therapist who uses acceptance & commitment therapy (ACT). Has anyone experienced this as effective for drinking urges? I've been drinking heavily for 30 odd years I guess....I can go a couple of months without but thats about it. My wife tells me I have to fix the drinking for me....not do it to make our relationship better. There's a pattern here, I go on the wagon, then start eventually to resent it as her controlling my behaviour. Then back we go to square one again. She's discovered ideas around codependency and its lead to our breakdown.
I feel that this sad birthday would be an ideal moment to try and quit, to do it in his memory. Stillbirth is such a hard thing...for everybody else the baby just never really existed...I'm haunted by it, drinking to forget a lot of the last year.
Anyway....thanks for yr support, it means a lot. With the marriage breakdown its the usual thing of the social contacts disappear with the spouse. I've felt very isolated...how the F do I give up alcohol now? But maybe its the best time. Thanks to you all, its appreciated, its all very unexpected.
Currently I'm seeing a therapist who uses acceptance & commitment therapy (ACT). Has anyone experienced this as effective for drinking urges? I've been drinking heavily for 30 odd years I guess....I can go a couple of months without but thats about it. My wife tells me I have to fix the drinking for me....not do it to make our relationship better. There's a pattern here, I go on the wagon, then start eventually to resent it as her controlling my behaviour. Then back we go to square one again. She's discovered ideas around codependency and its lead to our breakdown.
I feel that this sad birthday would be an ideal moment to try and quit, to do it in his memory. Stillbirth is such a hard thing...for everybody else the baby just never really existed...I'm haunted by it, drinking to forget a lot of the last year.
Anyway....thanks for yr support, it means a lot. With the marriage breakdown its the usual thing of the social contacts disappear with the spouse. I've felt very isolated...how the F do I give up alcohol now? But maybe its the best time. Thanks to you all, its appreciated, its all very unexpected.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,071
I am so sorry that you lost your son. Losing a baby is life shattering, canguy. Sadly, I can relate to what you're going through. There is no way you can be strong enough to cope with the loss and go through the changes that happen after something like this if you stay drunk. You've already lost the one person who really gets what you're going through, but hopefully not for good if you wake up right now. It's not going to go away, and you won't survive this if you continue drinking. You'll wake up someday and find that you're just a shell - I did. Maybe that's why you're here now. Life is asking a lot from you right now and you've just got to fight as hard as you can.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Thinking of you today,Canguy, and your little sweet angel, on this his birthday.
Happy Birthday little angel. Let your dad know that his life is precious, because it is part of you.
Canguy, sending a big hug, and hoping you are ok today. Keep posting, we are here for you.
Happy Birthday little angel. Let your dad know that his life is precious, because it is part of you.
Canguy, sending a big hug, and hoping you are ok today. Keep posting, we are here for you.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
