Possible Pothole in road to recovery...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Missouri
Posts: 596
Possible Pothole in road to recovery...
I just wanted to share a red flag I experienced last evening that tested my resolve.
I seem to have contracted a virus. Nothing devastating, but I was feeling out of alignment. You know, a bit sluggish, not a lot of energy. But I had to muster the strength to go to my daughter's homecoming (her last one, being a senior) As the sunlight began to wane, so did my physical condition. I would have much preferred to have been enjoying the comfort of my bed, but I did as any father would have done: took a couple of aspirins, drank a big glass of water, and drove 20 miles to see the outcome of my little girl's Homecoming Queen candidacy.
When the game was over, I was invited to some friends' house. I was asked to pick up some snacks at the store and bring with me. At this point, I was feeling rather punkish, but I had time to kill before I could pick up my daughter after the dance. I stopped by the store and was suckerpunched by a very strong urge to buy alcohol. There was that old voice again, one I have not heard in over a month. It was forceful and convincing. "Get you some brandy or schnapps, it will help you feel better and make the rest of the evening enjoyable. You are feeling bad, you deserve to drink to feel better." I have to admit, I entertained the thought as I passed through the double doors into the store. And there, at the far right of the store, loomed the liquor department. All those bottles on the shelves glowed with a brilliance and the promise of relieving my symptoms of the virus reverberated in my mind.
But another voice emerged and countered the first. I remembered how I felt New Years Day. I recalled the commitment I made myself on that day. But the urge was strong. Then my rational self made a bargain with the addictive voice. "You can have anything in the store— except alcohol. And you know what? It went for it, hook, line, and sinker. It saw candy, ice cream, potato chips, and a plethora of other junk. That stupid voice was so overwhelmed that it didn't even realize the sober part of me had already chosen a tub of yogurt, blueberries, and a bottle of low sugar cranberry blueberry juice. The beast had it's childish satisfaction of getting "anything" it wanted and sank back into its crevice.
This is a clear case of having my defenses compromised by feeling poorly, which left the door open for the addictive voice to spring into action. Up to this point, I have had no cravings to speak of. But this situation burst onto the scene with uncanny speed and strength, a reminder that I am still in the line of fire. Its an example of how we must always be alert to the nature of alcohol addiction.
(BTW, my daughter was selected as Homecoming Queen. It was worth the effort to be there.)
I seem to have contracted a virus. Nothing devastating, but I was feeling out of alignment. You know, a bit sluggish, not a lot of energy. But I had to muster the strength to go to my daughter's homecoming (her last one, being a senior) As the sunlight began to wane, so did my physical condition. I would have much preferred to have been enjoying the comfort of my bed, but I did as any father would have done: took a couple of aspirins, drank a big glass of water, and drove 20 miles to see the outcome of my little girl's Homecoming Queen candidacy.
When the game was over, I was invited to some friends' house. I was asked to pick up some snacks at the store and bring with me. At this point, I was feeling rather punkish, but I had time to kill before I could pick up my daughter after the dance. I stopped by the store and was suckerpunched by a very strong urge to buy alcohol. There was that old voice again, one I have not heard in over a month. It was forceful and convincing. "Get you some brandy or schnapps, it will help you feel better and make the rest of the evening enjoyable. You are feeling bad, you deserve to drink to feel better." I have to admit, I entertained the thought as I passed through the double doors into the store. And there, at the far right of the store, loomed the liquor department. All those bottles on the shelves glowed with a brilliance and the promise of relieving my symptoms of the virus reverberated in my mind.
But another voice emerged and countered the first. I remembered how I felt New Years Day. I recalled the commitment I made myself on that day. But the urge was strong. Then my rational self made a bargain with the addictive voice. "You can have anything in the store— except alcohol. And you know what? It went for it, hook, line, and sinker. It saw candy, ice cream, potato chips, and a plethora of other junk. That stupid voice was so overwhelmed that it didn't even realize the sober part of me had already chosen a tub of yogurt, blueberries, and a bottle of low sugar cranberry blueberry juice. The beast had it's childish satisfaction of getting "anything" it wanted and sank back into its crevice.
This is a clear case of having my defenses compromised by feeling poorly, which left the door open for the addictive voice to spring into action. Up to this point, I have had no cravings to speak of. But this situation burst onto the scene with uncanny speed and strength, a reminder that I am still in the line of fire. Its an example of how we must always be alert to the nature of alcohol addiction.
(BTW, my daughter was selected as Homecoming Queen. It was worth the effort to be there.)
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Creekryder))) - I hope you are feeling better, physically, now, but what an awesome post and congrats to your daughter!!
I'm a wuss when I'm sick...I just want SOMETHING to make me feel better and right now!! I think that our addict voice sees that as "ooh, NOW I have their attention"!
You did awesome, shut that voice down and you will always have the memories of the joy of your daughter being Homecoming Queen because you chose to stay sober.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I'm a wuss when I'm sick...I just want SOMETHING to make me feel better and right now!! I think that our addict voice sees that as "ooh, NOW I have their attention"!
You did awesome, shut that voice down and you will always have the memories of the joy of your daughter being Homecoming Queen because you chose to stay sober.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: « USA » Recovered with AVRT (Rational Recovery) ___________
Posts: 3,680
Originally Posted by Creekryder 
I stopped by the store and was suckerpunched by a very strong urge to buy alcohol. There was that old voice again, one I have not heard in over a month.
Glad you are still doing well. I know from your previous posts that you are using AVRT. One of the most vexing forms of the Addictive Voice is the idea that it is somehow good if we do not have the desire to drink, or if the AV is silent. This is a classic Beast set-up. I went into this in the AVRT thread, and there are a couple posts on this subject. You may want to read those over. I believe they start here:
"I have no desire to drink" —
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 156
Thanks for sharing, creekryder. I'm also using AVRT, have just finished going through the book the first time, and am looking forward with anticipation to the first big battle with my beast. It's been laying low, taking pot shots, but nothing I can't handle.
Well done in your first battle!
Well done in your first battle!
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
I'm so proud of you! I've had similar temptations & do understand exactly how you felt. It's so difficult to put those times into words, but you did an amazing job of it.
Congratulations to your baby girl, Creek. I'm sure she's lovely inside and out.
Congratulations to your baby girl, Creek. I'm sure she's lovely inside and out.
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