James18

Oh well I failed again after 3 days. I talked myself into believing i could have a couple of glasses of wine and be O.K. I didn't drink as much as usual, just a bottle. The days after that though have been service as usual. I went for a "quick drink" yesterday lunchtime when my bus didn't turn up and got home at 4a.m this morning. I felt pretty good for the few days i didn't drink, now i'm back to my normal depressed, anxious, muddy minded self. I'm really disappointed in myself and dont know why i drank.

I guess i can't do this...

Praise7

I guess if everyone said they "can't do this" the rooms would be empty.

The reality is YOU can do this. Get to an AA meeting. Follow their directions and start enjoying life.

It really is ok.

Zebra1275

Wow, yesterday's lunch lasted 16 hours!

If you are being honest with yourself, I think you've gotta conclude that you can't have that first drink because then it's "off to the races." So the key is, how do you stop yourself from taking that first drink?

I tried to quit by myself for a long time, and had some long stretches of sobriety, but ultimately ended up having a drink. And of course that first drink soon led to me getting drunk again. I discovered that I had to do more than simply stop drinking, I had to make changes in myself. That's were some kind of outside help comes in, whether that be counseling, AA or whatever.

James18

I think i need to take this more seriously and stop pretending i'm ok. I keep trying to tell myself i dont have a problem when it's quite obvious i do. I suppose I'm in denial and just don't want to face the fact i can't drink anymore.

I suppose I'm still stuck in that "i can't be an alcoholic, i don't drink a bottle of vodka for breakfast" mentality.

James18

*double posted thread - sorry*

tanja

James,

You can do it. It is essential that you believe you can stop drinking. It is a mental addiction and what we tell ourselves is critical. Try and identify what feelings you were having and any triggers that led up to the event. Try and write down what you are feeling today, so you can re-read it later when you are tempted to drink. This way you can think through the drink, see the misery it causes you and what you do NOT want. Recognize it will take commitment, willingness and a lot of work. Know you are not alone. Most of us have gone through this. YOU CAN DO IT. Don't ever, ever give up.

coffeenut

I think i need to take this more seriously and stop pretending i'm ok. I keep trying to tell myself i dont have a problem when it's quite obvious i do. I suppose I'm in denial and just don't want to face the fact i can't drink anymore.

I suppose I'm still stuck in that "i can't be an alcoholic, i don't drink a bottle of vodka for breakfast" mentality.

You just said it perfectly.

Never, ever give up. Sobriety is so worth it.

Marius76

James, you really can do it you know, but don't give yourself too hard a time over it, it's not gonna change what is done.

For me, and I believe it to be true for most of us here, but the first 1-5 days is the biggest hurdle, after that the benefits really start beginning to show and giving in and drinking becomes a bigger issue as you feel you have wasted all that hard work.

Give it a go again, you can get great support here, good luck.

Dazee

Hi James,
It is hard to admit you are an alcoholic. I could say I had a problem with alcohol, but it was a while before I could say I was an alcoholic. Once I did, things started to change. It was harder and harder to lie to myself. Then I started getting help, very hesitantly at first but gradually more and more. I think people need varying degrees of outside help and support but I can't imagine not needing ANY help.

I hope you can find something to hang on to. I feel for you, perhaps it is because you are British and I lived on the continent for a while. I drank heavily over there and no one batted an eyelash (except for other Americans), alcohol everywhere and nearly impossible to find people who completely abstained. It's a challenge I'm sure.

It may help to come here and post daily. It helps me stay grounded and reminds me to watch my thinking lest I start thinking I can moderate.

Best to you
Dazee

Threshold

James you can do it.

In my early days, when I was making attempts at getting clean. I'd go a little bit, then I'd feel something I wasn't comfortable with, and I'd use because that was all I knew, That was my habit. I realized that without a plan for what I would do instead of use, I would fall back to my default setting. I needed to do something beside just not using in order to get past the white knuckle/aw hang it, situation.

A recovery plan made a huge difference in my life. A plan which provided healthy viable options for addressing life other than using.

THere are many options available, or some people create their own. But I believe that having a plan makes a huge difference.

Many of us have a series of starts and stops and restarts before we figure out how to stay stopped and create a life where using doesn't feel mandatory. As long as we stay in the process and be determined to stop and stay stopped, we have a real opportunity for recovery.

James18

Thanks for the encouragement. I'm not going to give up, i'm just feeling sorry for myself and beating myself up for failing. I'm just gonna have to suck it up and try again. I need to refocus and concentrate on succeeding instead of feeding the negative side.

Dazee

yeah, beating up on yourself gets you precisely nowhere. Better to focus on what you can do differently.

LosingmyMisery

Acceptance is key. Once you can accept that you never can drink again you can begin to do the work to change. I had to learn to "not" drink. Drinking was all I knew. You can do this, but it is difficult to do it alone.

James18

hi Dazee, that's exactly what i'm gonna do. Thanks for your posts.

2granddaughters

James, is there no AA where you live?

James18

Thanks Threshold, a recovery plan sounds like a good idea (although I'm not entirely sure what one entails!). I suppose the obvious place to start would be alternatives to drinking.

James18

I don't know. I suppose there must be one somewhere in the city, if not my immediate area. To be honest I 'm not sure if I'm comfortable about going though...

2granddaughters

It will be far more comfortable than what you are doing right now.

2granddaughters

Alcoholism is the only disease that will tell you that you don't have it.......

And when the simple remedy for it is placed in our laps, we dismiss or refute it.

I had to surrender to the treatment.. not the disease. And it was HARD to do.

Wishing you the best.

Bob R.

James18

yeah, i'm sure you're right. I've never been good at asking for help though and dont feel like I belong at AA. I dunno, maybe everyone feels like that...