bozboz

And I messed it all up. I let certain things beat me. I let hurtful people overcome me. I totally relapsed, and now feel like this will never end$

Dee74

I'm sorry to hear that Boz - but don't mistake one skirmish for the whole war
Took me 15 years to get it.

You've learned a lot in your 4 months - and I bet you've learned some more in the last few days too - put it to good use - get back on the right road...

You can do this

D

bozboz

The only thing I have learned, Dee...is that nothing changes whether you are drunk, high or sober. The pain is the same...it never changes...you are either strong enough to deal with it, or your not. Yes...I got sick of getting messed up, and I'm sure I will again. Doesn't change anything. You can go through our tober thread and see that. How many times can you try for a good life? How many times can someone go through this crap, just to get the same resuts? Yes...I learned certain things, however, it all leads back to the same thing,.

bozboz

*results

Dee74

I tried at least once weekly, usually more, for 15 years

Being sobers not enough to change things no - but it puts us in the best position to be able to effect change.

I liken sobriety to the tide going out - I was no longer drowning, but the retreating tide uncovered all the driftwood my drinking had been attempting to hide, for decades.

If I wanted a truly happy, fulfilled, and pain free life I had to get to work on clearing that driftwood.

I'm not a superhero - it was long and it was tough and some weeks I felt like I barely made a dent, but piece by piece I did it.

I believe you can do it too - if you want to

D

bozboz

Like I said...you're either strong enough or you're not. I am not. After going at this for so many years...I just can't right now. I personally...am just not strong enough.

bozboz

Don't get me wrong...I will try again. I will keep trying to get it right, UNTIL I get it right....however...tonight is not that night. Maybe not tomorrow either, because it sure as hell was not yesterday.

I should know better then to trust anyone. To let them into my personal life, but I can't change that now. I can only know better in the future. But I will try.

Dee74

I think you're plenty strong enough

I think everyone here has been hurt by someone else - I know I have - it would be a mistake to compound that hurt by hurting ourselves even more.

Don't leave it too long Boz - the more you let the reins go the harder it is to gather the horses back

SunSailor59

I think we are all strong enough. We just have to want it badly enough.

I'm still new at this too, 90 days today, but some days I couldn't see how I could go on. We all have more inner strength than we know, and I am very glad of that. You might have to dig for it, but it's worth the effort.