Writings
 

I have been cleaning my office at home and just found some writings, or more like ramblings of mine.

Unfortunately, I am a writer. Not by profession but I very much enjoy it as an outlet. I sometimes write emails and never send them, or write on pieces of paper. Usually I destroy those, but this time I decided to stash these in a file cabinet.

I started reading them and immediately stopped. It hurts so much to read. It was about a fight I had with my husband. It's about 6 legal-sized pages long! And now that I'm sober, I see how wrong I was. The argument was legitimate, had a basis, but it spiraled completely out of control. And largely due to my part.

I'm sitting here looking at it and thinking of shredding it. I've read it thoroughly and don't want anyone reading it. So soon I will shred it. I just can't believe myself. I wrote this around 5-6 yrs ago. I'm so upset that I've spent all this time drinking and acting like an idiot, slowly destroying my marriage. Thank GOD I have a loving and supportive husband who never gave up on me. He loves me just the same and has always stuck by me. Right now I feel like I don't deserve it at all.

No questions here, just a post.

Thanks for your post. Your husband must be pleased with your progress over the past several weeks (as ofcourse should you)!

Jim

I hope he is! He listens whenever I need/want to talk, but hasn't said much about it on his own. He's not the talker in the relationship. LOL.

maybe save the letters in a safe deposit box. people talk about writing a journal to remember the pain alcohol has caused when we are feeling weak. it looks like you may have given yourself a forward looking sobriety gift, 5-6 years ago.

I did. I have also kept journals since I was very young, basically since I could write. I have already read the past few yrs which read terribly. That's why I'm thinking of tossing these particular pgs.