isabella1bella

So upset with myself .. I slipped on day 29 and had a glass of prosecco to celebrate a new job offer. Its in addition to my current job and will boost my earnings alot so was on a natural high .. decided I wanted something to celebrate and a glass of prosecco was what I chose ... I felt guilty opening the bottle, I felt even more guilty drinking it and I have spent the last 2 days beating myself up royally for having it ...

I now HATE myself for being so weak and am sleeping day and night to try not to think of it .. I also cut my legs in anger at myself for being so weak

Just when I had convinced myself I was well on the road to recovery I screw up like I always do

DarkDays

Sorry to hear that Isabella, I have done this many many times , you are not alone.

AmyLouise

You are SO not alone - today is a new day, thats what I always tell myself. You are human and fhe fact that you ackowledge that you and drinking don't mix shows how are strong and in control you are. Stand up, dust yourself down and blow away the negative thoughts. Onwards & upwards, Well done onthe job ! Amy

quitforme79

Bella,
I have been there. Please don't beat yourself up. The shame of drinking after a stint of sobriety is what has led me to drink again and again many times. You are posting here and aware that you really want to be free from alcohol. This is a new day & you can make it what you want. Give yourself some credit and congrats on the promotion! Keep trying, u can do this!!

Dee74

I'm sorry to hear that Isabella but truthfully there's very few of us who haven't experienced the same thing.

Beating yourself up - mentally or physically - solves nothing...I think it's far more beneficial to put that energy into working out what else you need to do to make your recovery work

I know you can do this - think of this as a blip, not a catastrophe

D

NewBeginning010

Hi isabella1bella,

So sorry to hear of your challenges, please don't hurt yourself over your one bad decision to celebrate with alcohol. Next time make it a sparking water or a new purse ;-)

You can do this & we are here to support you
There are very few if any that got this thing right the first time...

Have a great day!

isabella1bella

very depressed now today and Im in work as still cant take time off ... Im going to try book some regular councilling and take some time off - Im finding the pressure of juggling it all together taking it's toll now - thanks for ur kind words .. one thing I always do through life is beat myself up far more than anyone else ever could

Dazee

Try not to be too hard on yourself Isabella. I recently slipped too and I know it's a horrible feeling. It's worse if you are already a perfectionist, like I am. The problem with perfectionism is that we can't be perfect and our expectations can lead to our own downfall. Forgive yourself. You are human.
I'm glad you posted.

ttbp

Big hugs for you xxx

sissy07

Welcome to SR!

jocata

Good idea to talk to a couselor. It's very difficult to do this alone.

Your definately not alone here.

God bless.

Threshold

Congrats on the job.

Doesn't sound like you were weak. You made a decision. Weak is when we feel like we don't have a choice. You didn't like the decision you made, and I'll bet you won't do it again.

langkah

Sorry to hear that, I1B.

Go easy on yourself, relax and practice some self care. Maybe take in a movie.

betterlate

Jeez, I thought I was bad with the mental stuff, but cutting is really taking things too far.

You're not drinking now are you? In that case you are doing your best. Pamper yourself, and please try to avoid punishing yourself, which will possibly (probably?) set yourself up for more drinking...

keithj

Isabella,
That quote runs counter to my experience, and counter to the experience of a couple million AA members. My experience is that I would repeat this cycle over and over. I would drink in spite of my decision not to. Having failed at that numerous times, did nothing to prevent it from happening the next time.

The similar experience of other AA members was shown to me when I first came into the rooms. I was also shown that 'unless I could experience an entire psychic change, there was little hope for my recovery.'

The 12 Steps are what brought about that psychic change for me, and put an end to that cycle of sober/drink/remorse-sober/drink/remorse.

Onewithwings

I have relapsed frequently in the past, and I know this feeling all too well. Dust yourself off and try again, that's all you can do. Learn from this, don't beat yourself up, it's useless. The more I beat myself up over my relapses, the more I relapsed for some reason, I lost confidence. Let go of the past.

Cardinalfan

Bella, you are in my prayers, remember you are not alone. Go for a walk outside and clear your head. Forgive yourself, don't beat yourself up. Try to be positive, pick yourself up. Go for a walk and talk to God. And you see how much support you have here, you are not alone in this.

saphira

Ditto to everyone above... I have plenty of experience relapsing and I know the feeling well. One thing I have learned is that the harder I am on myself the more I want to drink because I don't think I deserve better in those moments. It is crucial to have faith in yourself. You can do this!

Cardinalfan

Bella, Im a f___ to, my son committed sucicide 5 months ago....I want to die, so I am drinking again after 7 years of sobiety. I hate myself, and I know that when my fiance died from a motorcycly accident that my son got me out of bed and told me to go for a walk, I am still walking and it helps....we never get over it. xoxo

Dee74

I'm sorry to see you're still struggling CF.
Did you ever follow through with any kind of grief counselling at all?

D