FB, family, friends
 

Alright everyone, I'm looking for honest, blatant answers. Not that you wouldn't give them. :P

Yesterday I posted on FB something simple, like 30 days. I have close friends who know my struggle and they are all cheering me on. I haven't told others though, like my husband's family, my family, most-coworkers.

My husband's niece posted back and wanted to know why I haven't drank. I ignored it, hoping it'd go away. But she persisted. I finally said I didn't have a simple answer for her. We have a rocky relationship. It's ok now but has been rocky in the past. Not because of alcohol necessarily, but family dynamic problems.

Years and years back, she had a bbq for her kid's bday. It was at a park. My husband, me and another friend were drinking beer. Just sharing a six pack. We weren't drunk or acting out or anything. She flipped out and acted like we were tainting the bbq somehow. It was weird.

Years after that her own husband got pretty beligerent with booze. Not too long after she leaves the guy and goes on a several month partying spree.

My gut reaction to her pestering me on FB was anger. I'm analyzing that. Why anger? Maybe the history is where my anger comes from?

She's very young. Started out extremely young (17) with a husband and 3 kids. So a big part of me thinks she's immature and just doesn't get this stuff.

So my question is: Should I be forthcoming and honest with her? Privately write her and tell her look, I'm an alcoholic. Or should I just let it go and not go there. Telling her has the possible consequence of her telling her family. My husband is not close with his family and has a very rocky relationship with his sister, her mom. I started a poll. Thanks!!

I think posting on FB is going to prompt many people to ask you all sorts of questions. If you can't trust her and you don't want her to tell others then I wouldn't tell her. Maybe just say Jan detox. But I think the fact you posted on FB will make people think there is more to it than that. I don't like FB!!! Plus you can't control what other people may say to your post-someone who knows you have an alcohol problem may post something in all innocence, assuming everyone knows.

Hmmm. Seems like she might have her own issues with alcohol? I'd tell her, especially since it's on your FB - it's fair game once it's on FB as far as I'm concerned.

Or you could just delete the post if you really don't feel like talking to her about it.

This is one of those things that there's no right or wrong answer for - it's your sobriety and entirely up to you who you talk to about it.

I agree, tell people you trust by all means, they can only help you. However, if you have doubts, just say you are detoxing, or even say you have a horrible infection and are on antibiotics so cant drink!!!!

She's pumping you for information. It's none of her business. I'd just ignore it.

Yep, I feel it was a mistake to post.

The people that do know, know that it's a touchy thing for me. Which is why I regret posting it. I really was trying to post to just them. Stupid, in retrospect.

And yes, I think FB is fair game too.

To justhadenough: She's the only one pushing, no one else is. They've all high-fived me. I do have some control, I can delete the entire thread or any one post. Good point about trusting her and having her tell others, because she most definitely will - it's an assumption I have to make.

Thanks - keep 'em coming. I think I'll have to ponder this one awhile.

Yep, ignore. Not every inquiry merits a response though you invited one by sharing it on FB.

It's easily done-posting stuff and then regretting it. I think I'd delete the post!

OK, now that's something I didn't think of. And I think you are dead on!

Delete the entire thread? I just did, it seems to be the smartest way to handle it.

I think all of you are right, I really don't need her spreading around gossip, or feeding whatever her own personal gain is, so I just deleted it. If she pushes again, I'll shut her down quick with "I really don't want to discuss it."

I'd still love to hear your thoughts. It really helps me gain a different perspective.

I wholeheartedly agree. Lesson learned!!

You can also block her from seeing specific posts.
I know you already deleted this one, but that is what I was going to suggest: change the settings so she cannot see the post, then remove her comments.

Her asking multiple times on your page is pushing a boundary.

Good thoughts. I think in the future I'll just have to be extra cautious, not that I'm not already cautious, about what I post.

I agree, the boundary was pushed. Maybe that's my anger. Seriously. Someone says they quit drinking for 30 days and you ask why. OK, I get that. But then to continue to push?

Thanks Hanna.

I never post anything on Facebook about my drinking problem, I try to keep Facebook simply as a medium to interact with my family and friends, and when I need help and advice and encouragement for my alcoholism I come here to SR. Facebook is a wonderful thing at times, but also it can cause a lot of problems when it's used wrong, and since it is essentially a social network site where all you're friends can see what you post you can't really expect people not to reply or comment on something you post.
But I hope you resolve the problem :-)

Thanks thekat, I realized my mistake when she posted. It was a very simple post, just "30 days".

I deleted the thread in its entirety.

Congrats on your 30 days by the way

Thank you justhadenough!!!

Personally.. I wouldn't have posted it. If I had posted it, I'd probably go back and delete the whole thing.. but if you don't want to do that, ignore it.

I'm the "Social Media" person at my company. I moderate our national Facebook page among other things. Checking people's facebook/linkedin/myspace/whatever is usually part of our hiring/research process not only for new hires but current employees. I've had to figure out a balance for my own online participation here, there, everywhere. I'm cool with not being anonymous here. Most people who know me know I'm in recovery. Facebook is a very unique creature in terms of exposure, privacy and the like.. I don't ever post anything recovery related there, which really just comes down to a personal choice. Just be careful :)

Well of course you wouldn't have posted it - you are smart! I'm new at sobriety and not as smart. I'm moody and fragile at times. Yesterday I was on top of the world having celebrated my 30 days and received my chip.

Funny thing, I understand the implications of posting with regard to the professional world. I am smart enough to be careful about status updates and photos. But for some reason this one slipped right by me. Go figure.

Some good came out of this!!! An old friend in recovery (unbeknownst to me) reached out to me and we have reconnected. He has several yrs under his belt. So glad that happened.

NO WAY JOSE! FB is no place for this business. Your neice is not going to help you...you are not going to help you with more drama....dont create it. let it go. Tell her...it was a private mess for someple else. Just dont go there no matter what she says. Listen i like FB but even I put my FB on hold for a bit...i dont care to speak to anyone family freinds or whatever, about serious issues thru this medium....its just too personal and private.