feeling strange, seeking feedback
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: North America
Posts: 1,628
feeling strange, seeking feedback
Hi,
I've been sober for only 15 days after 10+ years of daily. I still feel strongly that I will not drink no matter what. My workplace performance has improved and my reporting relationships seem good. I continue to get along well with my coworkers. I like being at work a lot.
Outside work with informal relationships is a little different. I find myself feeling angry in a vague way. Opinions and issues that I had given up on years ago I am now expressing in very clear and strong terms. I feel like my tolerence for others who disagree on important issues has massivly decreased. I feel like I was more acceptable to the informal world around me when my brain was fogged. Where I should feel guilty and say "yes" to a thing, I am saying "no" and staying calm. This sometimes upsets others. I feel like my informal world is really only comfortable with me either being drunk and stupid or hung over and silent.
I feel like I am quitting drinking for me (a good selfish act), but I am also thinking about doing other (nice but not needed) things for me that I woudn't normally...like getting some kind of specialty licence plates when I'm able to get rid of the DUI plates I'm currently sporting. Yea, it would be a waste of money, but at least I'm not drinking it!
Words to describe the above would be cold, angry, concerned, focused. These are a lot of feelings and mostly don't sound very nice. I wanted to share this to get feedback from others who might know what this is like and to get a little guidence. It feels better to write this down then sit and stew, too.
thanks in advance,
me
I've been sober for only 15 days after 10+ years of daily. I still feel strongly that I will not drink no matter what. My workplace performance has improved and my reporting relationships seem good. I continue to get along well with my coworkers. I like being at work a lot.
Outside work with informal relationships is a little different. I find myself feeling angry in a vague way. Opinions and issues that I had given up on years ago I am now expressing in very clear and strong terms. I feel like my tolerence for others who disagree on important issues has massivly decreased. I feel like I was more acceptable to the informal world around me when my brain was fogged. Where I should feel guilty and say "yes" to a thing, I am saying "no" and staying calm. This sometimes upsets others. I feel like my informal world is really only comfortable with me either being drunk and stupid or hung over and silent.
I feel like I am quitting drinking for me (a good selfish act), but I am also thinking about doing other (nice but not needed) things for me that I woudn't normally...like getting some kind of specialty licence plates when I'm able to get rid of the DUI plates I'm currently sporting. Yea, it would be a waste of money, but at least I'm not drinking it!
Words to describe the above would be cold, angry, concerned, focused. These are a lot of feelings and mostly don't sound very nice. I wanted to share this to get feedback from others who might know what this is like and to get a little guidence. It feels better to write this down then sit and stew, too.
thanks in advance,
me
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,381
I think sober me took some adjusting to - not only for my friends but for me.
I was fairly irritable for a few weeks in early recovery - often unreasonably so in my case - but that evened out as I found my emotional 'level' again
more than that tho I was a lot more involved with what was going on and a lot less likely to simply go with the flow just for the sake of it.
I found it was good for me in one way - I hadn't taken a stand on things in years and it was good to act positively - of course there's another side to that coin and pretty soon I relearned that although I have a right to a say, it's not always necessary for me to use it, lol.
It's all about balance, I think
D
I was fairly irritable for a few weeks in early recovery - often unreasonably so in my case - but that evened out as I found my emotional 'level' again
more than that tho I was a lot more involved with what was going on and a lot less likely to simply go with the flow just for the sake of it.
I found it was good for me in one way - I hadn't taken a stand on things in years and it was good to act positively - of course there's another side to that coin and pretty soon I relearned that although I have a right to a say, it's not always necessary for me to use it, lol.
It's all about balance, I think
D
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Yes, as Dee said, it's a period of adjustment. I had ignored my feelings for a long time and in early sobriety, I was surprised to find that I felt strongly about certain things. It took some time to get used to it. I had to learn to use boundaries for myself about expressing my feelings.
Blu**ed Lines...A ClockWork SR
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: AZ
Posts: 2,529
Custom plates... LOL I was thinking of rewarding myself with one if I can make it a year. I want it to say "FLOWST8", which is more or less how I felt the last time I made it a year. Thanks for the post.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: South Dakota
Posts: 1,061
My emotions were all over the place crazy when I quit. I'd go from tired, to energetic, to happy, to angry and start all over again in the same day. It took time, healing and recovery for me to get back to an even emotional state. My best advice would be to get plenty of sleep, eat right, exercise and have patience, it will get better. Hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Hi Scrambled,
a friend sent me this
"It won’t happen overnight, but you will find your self, your strangely familiar self, a self that feels natural and easy, and then your attention will wander away from yourself to the world, and you will begin to see things in the world, and the world will become a living place to you again as it once was when you were a child. As this happens and the present becomes more vivid and alive, the past will increasingly be more just, well, just the past; it will recede like a high tide receding from the shore, and there will be more warm, firm sand to walk on."
I don,t know whether it is a quote from somewhere or what, it was in response to a short email fom me telling him how I love being sober and how happy I am.
Why I am telling you this scrambled is that in my early sobriety my emotions were all over the place, anger, rage to total flatness,numbness, to thinking, is that all there is,like the Peggy Lee song.
Only 8 months sober, I feel incredible, best described by the passage sent to me by my
friend.
hang in there it does get better and please keep venting here, it's all valid
CaiHong
a friend sent me this
"It won’t happen overnight, but you will find your self, your strangely familiar self, a self that feels natural and easy, and then your attention will wander away from yourself to the world, and you will begin to see things in the world, and the world will become a living place to you again as it once was when you were a child. As this happens and the present becomes more vivid and alive, the past will increasingly be more just, well, just the past; it will recede like a high tide receding from the shore, and there will be more warm, firm sand to walk on."
I don,t know whether it is a quote from somewhere or what, it was in response to a short email fom me telling him how I love being sober and how happy I am.
Why I am telling you this scrambled is that in my early sobriety my emotions were all over the place, anger, rage to total flatness,numbness, to thinking, is that all there is,like the Peggy Lee song.
Only 8 months sober, I feel incredible, best described by the passage sent to me by my
friend.
hang in there it does get better and please keep venting here, it's all valid
CaiHong
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Austin, Texas
Posts: 1,387
Hi Scrambled,
I am with the other posters that replied to you....my emotions were all over the place in the beginning, then they would become more manageable, then I would have a bad day. And the bad days weren't really bad, they were just days that I wasn't comfortable or felt I could have handled things better. But that is life. I had to learn that drinking was definitely destroying me, and I absolutely had to stop it. That has been reinforced to me the more sober time I have. I had no idea how messed up I was....really lost. And that doesn't change in a few weeks or even a few months. I think it is kind of like peeling an onion....I just keep peeling off layers and layers. Sobriety is the only way I am going to be able to learn how to live. I didn't realize in the beginning that I didn't even know how to live, I thought I would get sober and everything would be great. Well, it is great, but now that I am once again a conscious, thinking individual, I realize that I had gotten to the point that I didn't even know how numbed out I was. I was literally mentally stopped - unaware on purpose. What a waste. So now my head is clearing, and with almost 6 months sober I am beginning to repair my life and get to know myself. Give time time. It is now starting to get really exciting because the hopelessness that I was carrying around with me for so long is lifting and I actually am starting to make plans for the future, and believe that I will actually do them. I am excited for you. I am excited for all of us.
I am with the other posters that replied to you....my emotions were all over the place in the beginning, then they would become more manageable, then I would have a bad day. And the bad days weren't really bad, they were just days that I wasn't comfortable or felt I could have handled things better. But that is life. I had to learn that drinking was definitely destroying me, and I absolutely had to stop it. That has been reinforced to me the more sober time I have. I had no idea how messed up I was....really lost. And that doesn't change in a few weeks or even a few months. I think it is kind of like peeling an onion....I just keep peeling off layers and layers. Sobriety is the only way I am going to be able to learn how to live. I didn't realize in the beginning that I didn't even know how to live, I thought I would get sober and everything would be great. Well, it is great, but now that I am once again a conscious, thinking individual, I realize that I had gotten to the point that I didn't even know how numbed out I was. I was literally mentally stopped - unaware on purpose. What a waste. So now my head is clearing, and with almost 6 months sober I am beginning to repair my life and get to know myself. Give time time. It is now starting to get really exciting because the hopelessness that I was carrying around with me for so long is lifting and I actually am starting to make plans for the future, and believe that I will actually do them. I am excited for you. I am excited for all of us.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,711
When you start saying no after saying yes for awhile, people WON'T like it but quite frankly, that's their problem (IMO). Nothing wrong with focusing on yourself and doing what feels right (it's not like you're hurting anyone). I am at 28 days and have experienced so many emotions thus far and pretty intense. I was crying a lot in the beginning and now I am angry. sort of scared myself today at work because I fantasized fist fighting a co-worker who messed up my stats. But the word is I fantasized, let it go and ran 3 miles to let off some steam (after work of course)! I didn't even realize how much I was using alcohol to simply numb my feelings...and now, well I'm coming home to meet myself. Hang in there and keep posting. We're all in this together!
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