onlyforher

Sitting here wondering what to do, hoping I can get some advice/direction. My daughter 22 moved back in with us when she revealed she was pregnant. We thought we could help her get on the right foot, save some money, get out on her own after the baby was born, etc. My granddaughter, now 17 months - the love of my life for sure is in the middle of what do we do next. My daughter is an alcoholic, I can finally admit to now, denial has passed. She has lost her job due to alcohol, she has 2 DUI's, we drive her everywhere. To get her license back until the court date, she underwent an evaluation, they only required 40 hours of group therapy. After last night, I am convinced she needs more intense treatment. We told her if it happens again she will have to find another place to stay, we cannot take anymore. She says she has no place to go. She is a cutter also to add to the list of problems. I know she loves her daughter very much, but she is an addict, I don't know what to do. If it weren't for my grandchild I would have kicked her out a long time ago and not put up with her lies and manipulation. She uses my granddaughter against me, because she knows that is my weak spot, my granddaughter has become my life and I try and protect her from all of this craziness. I have become an enabler because of my granddaughter. What is best for my grandchild? To live with us or stay with her mother. It scares me to death knowing I may be raising another child at 46, is that fair to my granddaughter. Do I make her go through this with her mother like a women's shelter? It would break my heart to take her away from the place she is comfortable with and calls home, my home. Scared, confused and at a loss of what to do and do not want to lose my granddaughter or my husband for that matter. My husband love his granddaughter, but he also is emotionally and financially spent on this whole situation. Any advice what to do next?

suki44883

I am so sorry to hear about this. It is always so much harder when children are involved. I suggest you make an appointment with an attorney to find out exactly what your rights are in this situation. It is evident that your daughter isn't able to properly care for her child. It is possible that you could secure temporary custody for a period of time to see if your daughter gets help for her problems. If she does, and can prove that she is able to properly care for the child, she could regain possession. If not, then you could assume permanent guardianship.

Many grandparents are raising their grandchildren these days, and many of them are much older than you. The main focus should be what is best for the child, and living with grandparents is far better than living with an addict and self-abuser. Thank God this little child has you to look out for her.

Edit to add: Is the childs father in the picture at all?

Threshold

Only, so sorry, what a difficult situation. I am living a variation of the theme, and my heart goes out to you.

I think Suki's advice is spot on. Your grandaughter is clearly affected no matter what, because of her mother's issues, but that does not mean she needs to be endangered. Find out what the legal situation is, and know that we will be here for you as you move through this.

There is family/friends/parents section here, and you can find people there who are in a situation like yours for support.

jocata

Only, you will find tons of love and support here. Praying for you.

God bless.

Dee74

hi and welcome onlyforher

I'm so sorry for your situation - I have no personal experience to share but I think Suki and Threshold gave some great advice

As was mentioned we also have a Family and Friends forum here - I encourage you to check that out as well - you'll find a lot of support here

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

D