Am I lying to myself? Or I am just too hard on myself?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Austin, Texas
Posts: 1,387
Welcome Scarletrose,
Well, I sure not confused about myself - being an alcoholic/addict is one thing I am very, very sure of!
I have heard this before: "If you think you have a problem then you do". And blackouts are not positive, as I am sure you are aware. I am not saying you are an alcoholic, I just wonder why it occurred to you to think about it. Best wishes.
Well, I sure not confused about myself - being an alcoholic/addict is one thing I am very, very sure of!
I have heard this before: "If you think you have a problem then you do". And blackouts are not positive, as I am sure you are aware. I am not saying you are an alcoholic, I just wonder why it occurred to you to think about it. Best wishes.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,180
Hello
I also stopped drinking in early Jan (though took till 3rd till manage it!!)
I don't like the term alcoholic and don't consider myself one. But, I do consider myself to have a serious drink problem that only total abstinence will solve. I never drank in the day, held down a demanding career, am a wife and mother etc.
But when I have a drink I can't stop. I just keep drinking. I don't see the point in stopping as I love the feeling so much. But then that leads to problems, too many over the years to even start mentioning.
Obviously I can't comment on your situation. No one but the individual really know the extent of their own situation. What I would say is that if you think you have a problem then you probably do and it won't get better but worse.
I've suffered from depression etc and know that drinking only makes it twice as bad, whether on medication or not.
You will find a great deal of support and help on this site, whatever you choose to do. Wishing you the best of luck.
I also stopped drinking in early Jan (though took till 3rd till manage it!!)
I don't like the term alcoholic and don't consider myself one. But, I do consider myself to have a serious drink problem that only total abstinence will solve. I never drank in the day, held down a demanding career, am a wife and mother etc.
But when I have a drink I can't stop. I just keep drinking. I don't see the point in stopping as I love the feeling so much. But then that leads to problems, too many over the years to even start mentioning.
Obviously I can't comment on your situation. No one but the individual really know the extent of their own situation. What I would say is that if you think you have a problem then you probably do and it won't get better but worse.
I've suffered from depression etc and know that drinking only makes it twice as bad, whether on medication or not.
You will find a great deal of support and help on this site, whatever you choose to do. Wishing you the best of luck.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: North America
Posts: 1,628
You said:
"I decided to quit drinking on January 1. I lasted 21 days and felt good...I wanted to do it....I drink more than the average person and once I start I don't like to stop...other than acting obnoxious in public...I have not hit a bottom...I wanted to stop drinking...because I was getting drunk even when I didn't really mean to and my black outs were occurring more and more frequently.... I take an anti-depressant...it is...hard to imagine a life forever without alcohol."
How disorderly in public might you have been during your blackouts? Extending your behavior over the rest of your lifetime, what is the probabilty of regretable behavior during future blackouts? Rock bottem for some is becoming homeless and living under a bridge. Rock bottom for others are the legel, professional, and personal problems that result from being blinded by the effects of alcohol and acting in ways they normally would not.
I don't know if I am "alcoholic" or simply an alcohol abuser. I cannot afford to care about the distinction. All I know is that for me, if I want to improve my quality of life and prevent catastrophy, I can't drink. The answer for you is yours to give, but I would consider your own words, and the fact that you are a human being just like the rest of us, very carefully.
"I decided to quit drinking on January 1. I lasted 21 days and felt good...I wanted to do it....I drink more than the average person and once I start I don't like to stop...other than acting obnoxious in public...I have not hit a bottom...I wanted to stop drinking...because I was getting drunk even when I didn't really mean to and my black outs were occurring more and more frequently.... I take an anti-depressant...it is...hard to imagine a life forever without alcohol."
How disorderly in public might you have been during your blackouts? Extending your behavior over the rest of your lifetime, what is the probabilty of regretable behavior during future blackouts? Rock bottem for some is becoming homeless and living under a bridge. Rock bottom for others are the legel, professional, and personal problems that result from being blinded by the effects of alcohol and acting in ways they normally would not.
I don't know if I am "alcoholic" or simply an alcohol abuser. I cannot afford to care about the distinction. All I know is that for me, if I want to improve my quality of life and prevent catastrophy, I can't drink. The answer for you is yours to give, but I would consider your own words, and the fact that you are a human being just like the rest of us, very carefully.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,902
Am I lying to myself? Or I am just too hard on myself?
Well, obviously I don't know you so I can't really answer your question.
However, I did go back and read some of your other posts. Based on what you wrote in your earlier posts, it seems like you might be lying to yourself.
Well, obviously I don't know you so I can't really answer your question.
However, I did go back and read some of your other posts. Based on what you wrote in your earlier posts, it seems like you might be lying to yourself.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 156
Self-awareness is an important skill to cultivate. I consider myself to be very self-aware, but since I quit alcohol I realized something: I was completely aware of my problem but was choosing to lie to myself because I enjoyed drinking more than I enjoyed doing anything else.
Now, I don't care whether or not I can moderate drinking because I don't want to participate in any behavior that results in me lying to myself.
Now, I don't care whether or not I can moderate drinking because I don't want to participate in any behavior that results in me lying to myself.
sobriety date 5-2-12
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 903
Hi again- we chatted a few weeks ago and have similar situations. I am still confused about myself. I have been going to AA meetings and I hear valuable things. I am suffering with my depression right now, and my husband told me last night that I can start drinking again when that gets better- he doesn't feel I have a drinking problem. I was blacking out drunk maybe 4 times a month. Hardly ever drank on weekdays. I am totally obnoxious when I drink though, and at 36 it isn't as "cute" as when I was 21.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 41
The reason I wanted to stop drinking was because I was getting drunk even when I didn't really mean to and my black outs were occurring more and more frequently (which I believe is because I take an anti-depressant and the effects together are not good).
I too started blacking out A LOT more frequently when I started anti-depressants. It scared me too much to continue drinking. I understand where you are coming from though....Sometimes I try to justify my drinking. I have been sober for 9 days and it really hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be. But, there have been a few times when that stupid little voice in my head tells me that I DON'T have a problem. I love more than anything to relax and crack open a beer. Especially when the weather is nice out, like today. Problem is, I don't just crack open ONE beer, or two or three like most folks. I will easily have 12-14 without even realizing it. Then I usually black out and do something stupid that my kids will inform me of the next day and don't remember a thing. So I have to remind myself of the end of the night and not the beginning (when it is so much fun) when I have those weak moments where I want to drink.
Anyway, good luck with whatever you decide
I too started blacking out A LOT more frequently when I started anti-depressants. It scared me too much to continue drinking. I understand where you are coming from though....Sometimes I try to justify my drinking. I have been sober for 9 days and it really hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be. But, there have been a few times when that stupid little voice in my head tells me that I DON'T have a problem. I love more than anything to relax and crack open a beer. Especially when the weather is nice out, like today. Problem is, I don't just crack open ONE beer, or two or three like most folks. I will easily have 12-14 without even realizing it. Then I usually black out and do something stupid that my kids will inform me of the next day and don't remember a thing. So I have to remind myself of the end of the night and not the beginning (when it is so much fun) when I have those weak moments where I want to drink.
Anyway, good luck with whatever you decide
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 16
Moderation is key. How awesome it is to grab a beer or two on a friday night. If only I could stop there... I guess I wouldnt be seeking help from this forum if I have such control over my drinking. I tried drinking in moderation before. Some days I stop and some other days I wont. It always gave me an opening to get wasted. You were able to stop last week.. Thats great. How confident are you about the next time and the one after that and so on.
L'il fighter
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Mississauga, Ontario
Posts: 297
Hi scarletrose.
I don't think anyone here can definitively slap you with a label. But just going by your own words, you've identified problems caused by your drinking and you've felt good after quitting. So far this seems pretty simple to me.
But of course, it never really is. You want to know whether you can still drink "normally", right? Again, no one here can (or should) tell you yes or no. Have you tried moderating your drinking in the past? If not, try it and see if you can control it. And by control, I mean not obsess over it and just do it as naturally as everyone else around you. If not, then you might want to re-evaluate whether alcohol is worth it.
Just as an aside, not every self-identified alcoholic is a homeless wino on the street begging for change. You've read Caroline Knapp's book, so I'm sure you're aware of that. And even I didn't do some of the things that she describes in the book (hiding booze, etc) but I relate to SO MUCH of what she has gone through.
I don't think anyone here can definitively slap you with a label. But just going by your own words, you've identified problems caused by your drinking and you've felt good after quitting. So far this seems pretty simple to me.
But of course, it never really is. You want to know whether you can still drink "normally", right? Again, no one here can (or should) tell you yes or no. Have you tried moderating your drinking in the past? If not, try it and see if you can control it. And by control, I mean not obsess over it and just do it as naturally as everyone else around you. If not, then you might want to re-evaluate whether alcohol is worth it.
Just as an aside, not every self-identified alcoholic is a homeless wino on the street begging for change. You've read Caroline Knapp's book, so I'm sure you're aware of that. And even I didn't do some of the things that she describes in the book (hiding booze, etc) but I relate to SO MUCH of what she has gone through.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 453
Not speaking to your directly but my experience has showed me that,People who don't have a problem with alchohol do not have "black outs" on multiple occasions. People who do not have problems with alchohol usually heed Doctors orders of not drinking while on Anti-depressants.
Everyone on this earth has the ability to hit the horrible bottom , it usually does not happen overnight, it can take months or even many years, but once you get there it is much harder to reverse The emotional, physical, mental and financial damage. If one sees a pattern emerging which may even remotely lead to life as a alcohol abuser, it is much preferable to stop sooner then later. Ultimately any one of us can have the horrible low bottom story we would share in a circle. If we don't have that story yet, why keep going down the path which will inevitably will lead us to that dark dark place?
Everyone on this earth has the ability to hit the horrible bottom , it usually does not happen overnight, it can take months or even many years, but once you get there it is much harder to reverse The emotional, physical, mental and financial damage. If one sees a pattern emerging which may even remotely lead to life as a alcohol abuser, it is much preferable to stop sooner then later. Ultimately any one of us can have the horrible low bottom story we would share in a circle. If we don't have that story yet, why keep going down the path which will inevitably will lead us to that dark dark place?
sobriety date 5-2-12
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 903
Originally Posted by SeekSobriety 
Not speaking to your directly but my experience has showed me that,People who don't have a problem with alchohol do not have "black outs" on multiple occasions. People who do not have problems with alchohol usually heed Doctors orders of not drinking while on Anti-depressants.
Everyone on this earth has the ability to hit the horrible bottom , it usually does not happen overnight, it can take months or even many years, but once you get there it is much harder to reverse The emotional, physical, mental and financial damage. If one sees a pattern emerging which may even remotely lead to life as a alcohol abuser, it is much preferable to stop sooner then later. Ultimately any one of us can have the horrible low bottom story we would share in a circle. If we don't have that story yet, why keep going down the path which will inevitably will lead us to that dark dark place?
Everyone on this earth has the ability to hit the horrible bottom , it usually does not happen overnight, it can take months or even many years, but once you get there it is much harder to reverse The emotional, physical, mental and financial damage. If one sees a pattern emerging which may even remotely lead to life as a alcohol abuser, it is much preferable to stop sooner then later. Ultimately any one of us can have the horrible low bottom story we would share in a circle. If we don't have that story yet, why keep going down the path which will inevitably will lead us to that dark dark place?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,146
I read your post twice but am still unsure of what your points are.
You weren't able to do something you wanted to do, and some people don't think you should do that, and you don't think you really need to do it...that thing you wanted to do but couldn't, and you think you really would rather continue to do the thing you decided you wanted to stop doing, and you're confused.
What I hear is some surprise and dismay in there that you couldn't make it beyond 3 weeks. Also some fear of what that indicates, and a desire for reassurance from the alcoholics here that you couldn't possibly be an alcoholic, such as you received from your friends when you told them you'd stopped. I suppose you suppose our opinion that you're fine would mean more than theirs since they are not drunks.
Why not see if you can tough it out and not drink or dope for a whole 3 months? If you can't make that little bit of time without having to drink again, you'll then know something valuable about yourself.
In the AA groups I attend there are several Doctors, a few lawyers, a shrink, a psychologist, several ministers, a couple of politicians. You needn't be concerned that anyone would look down on you for only having a masters. We really don't care about that.
You weren't able to do something you wanted to do, and some people don't think you should do that, and you don't think you really need to do it...that thing you wanted to do but couldn't, and you think you really would rather continue to do the thing you decided you wanted to stop doing, and you're confused.
What I hear is some surprise and dismay in there that you couldn't make it beyond 3 weeks. Also some fear of what that indicates, and a desire for reassurance from the alcoholics here that you couldn't possibly be an alcoholic, such as you received from your friends when you told them you'd stopped. I suppose you suppose our opinion that you're fine would mean more than theirs since they are not drunks.
Why not see if you can tough it out and not drink or dope for a whole 3 months? If you can't make that little bit of time without having to drink again, you'll then know something valuable about yourself.
In the AA groups I attend there are several Doctors, a few lawyers, a shrink, a psychologist, several ministers, a couple of politicians. You needn't be concerned that anyone would look down on you for only having a masters. We really don't care about that.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 1,149
I guess if you continue to try and drink in moderation you will find out soon enough if you really do have a 'problem', or not.
However, if you are like me you're not drinking to be social or because you like the taste.
You're drinking to get hammered.
I could attempt to maintain myself by just having a 'couple', and I tried that countless times with some initial sucess... but it always spiraled out of control again.
I was never happy just having a 'couple' like other normal people seem to do.
A couple would just make me miserable and craving for more.
I'm much happier and have a much more peaceful life now that I've finally given up trying to drink 'normally'.
That was an exhausting existance.
However, if you are like me you're not drinking to be social or because you like the taste.
You're drinking to get hammered.
I could attempt to maintain myself by just having a 'couple', and I tried that countless times with some initial sucess... but it always spiraled out of control again.
I was never happy just having a 'couple' like other normal people seem to do.
A couple would just make me miserable and craving for more.
I'm much happier and have a much more peaceful life now that I've finally given up trying to drink 'normally'.
That was an exhausting existance.
So it goes
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Manchester UK
Posts: 1,620
I think you know the answer. The last person we are honest with is ourself where drink is concerned. You can wait till you hit rock bottom or stop now. The thing is there are rock bottoms upon rock bottoms. I hit one I don't know if I am out of it but I sure as hell have stopped the drink cos I saw what else I could lose as well.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 53
"Everyone on this earth has the ability to hit the horrible bottom , it usually does not happen overnight, it can take months or even many years, but once you get there it is much harder to reverse The emotional, physical, mental and financial damage. If one sees a pattern emerging which may even remotely lead to life as a alcohol abuser, it is much preferable to stop sooner then later. Ultimately any one of us can have the horrible low bottom story we would share in a circle. If we don't have that story yet, why keep going down the path which will inevitably will lead us to that dark dark place?"
Excellent comment. I totally agree. Slippery slope as I call it. Sure you don't hang the label "alcoholic" on yourself for quite some time. Once you are on the slippery slope time will tell. I must stop drinking. Although I hide out in the house and drink alone and don't cause trouble. I am paying for it in other ways. My blood pressure has increased over the last few years.
Lucy
Excellent comment. I totally agree. Slippery slope as I call it. Sure you don't hang the label "alcoholic" on yourself for quite some time. Once you are on the slippery slope time will tell. I must stop drinking. Although I hide out in the house and drink alone and don't cause trouble. I am paying for it in other ways. My blood pressure has increased over the last few years.
Lucy
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
Here is your first post here last year & the link to the thread & the posts people responded to then (below). Labels are just that labels... Is alcohol having a negative impact on your life? (Yes). You are drinking to get drunk or cant stop once you start at the age of 37 with three young kids, I think you know something is wrong with this picture (that's why you took the time to research & find yourself on this site).
Alcohol doesn't care about your education level & athletic abilities, many of the best & brightest have been taken down by it. Please don't become one of them ;-)
All of the best in your recovery ~ NB
Link to your first post: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post3113368
Alcohol doesn't care about your education level & athletic abilities, many of the best & brightest have been taken down by it. Please don't become one of them ;-)
All of the best in your recovery ~ NB
Link to your first post: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post3113368
Originally Posted by scarletrose
I am 37 and have been drinking since I was 15 years old. I have always loved to party and get drunk. I don't think that I have any deep rooted issues that started me drinking. I just really enjoy alcohol. The problem is that in the last couple of years I find that my preoccupation with alcohol is unhealthy. I don't drink everyday, definitely every week, but a lot of times when I drink I don't seem to have an "off" button. Once I start, I really don't want to stop and I end up the next day with guilt, anxiety and grief over what I may have done or said. I have been having terrible memory issues when I drink. Even if I only have 3-4 drinks and I have blacked out more times than I can count in the last year. However, I do not have withdrawal symptoms from alcohol. I don't wake up craving it. I do not drink alone. And I could never imagine hiding bottles from myself or lying about my drinking. For example, there is so much alcohol in my house right now and I don't sit around thinking about it all day. It's just that when I drink, I drink too much. I guess I am worried because my behavior has been inappropriate lately when I drink. I have been flirting and saying inappropriate things when drunk. I am a wife of 10 years with three young kids. This isn't what I want to be. I don't want to stop drinking, but think maybe I should. Does all of this sound like alcoholic behavior to you guys?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Austin, Texas
Posts: 1,387
In the AA groups I attend there are several Doctors, a few lawyers, a shrink, a psychologist, several ministers, a couple of politicians. You needn't be concerned that anyone would look down on you for only having a masters. We really don't care about that.[/QUOTE]
Langvah,
you crack me up.
Langvah,
you crack me up.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Chambersburg PA
Posts: 55
Scarletrose,
I never went to an AA meeting, called the AA Hotline, or graced the doors of a rehab center for any reason other then to get someone off my back or try to quit drinking. Ether way there was an issue or I would have been doing something else. Only you can be honest with yourself and figure out why you are asking this question on this cite.
I wish you all the best and hope you have a clearer understanding of why you came here in the first place. I know I will have to do the same at some point myself because that is the way it works for me. I just hope that when the time comes I come up with the right answerer.
I never went to an AA meeting, called the AA Hotline, or graced the doors of a rehab center for any reason other then to get someone off my back or try to quit drinking. Ether way there was an issue or I would have been doing something else. Only you can be honest with yourself and figure out why you are asking this question on this cite.
I wish you all the best and hope you have a clearer understanding of why you came here in the first place. I know I will have to do the same at some point myself because that is the way it works for me. I just hope that when the time comes I come up with the right answerer.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,902
In the AA groups I attend there are several Doctors, a few lawyers, a shrink, a psychologist, several ministers, a couple of politicians. You needn't be concerned that anyone would look down on you for only having a masters. We really don't care about that.[/QUOTE]
Langvah,
you crack me up.
I was going to let the Masters comment slide, but I'm glad you called it out. Hell, if a Master's Degree gave you some kinda protection at lot of us would have been sober long ago.
Langvah,
you crack me up.
I was going to let the Masters comment slide, but I'm glad you called it out. Hell, if a Master's Degree gave you some kinda protection at lot of us would have been sober long ago.
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