16 mo's in, not sure what I'm gonna do
ಠ_ಠ
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Portland Maine
Posts: 11
I can't believe it's only been a week. I'm an emotional wreck. but I'm pretty sure the benzo's have been sweat out. I stopped drinking. Just gotta get through this pot ( I know, throw it out ) -- but I don't wanna.
Then white chip, new sponsor, and all 12.
but, in case you were wondering, this was a **** show that could have been much worse. The lonliness is killer and is why I got sober in the beginning. I don't want drugs, i want people. Also, I want to like myself.
those things don't equate. so here's to another start. keep coming back.
love ya'll.
Then white chip, new sponsor, and all 12.
but, in case you were wondering, this was a **** show that could have been much worse. The lonliness is killer and is why I got sober in the beginning. I don't want drugs, i want people. Also, I want to like myself.
those things don't equate. so here's to another start. keep coming back.
love ya'll.
ಠ_ಠ
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Portland Maine
Posts: 11
48 hours in again. Glad to be here and not in jail or the ground.
picked up two white chips this weekend.
I'm lonely and tired. I feel alone in a room full of people though. So, we'll see how that works out.
picked up two white chips this weekend.
I'm lonely and tired. I feel alone in a room full of people though. So, we'll see how that works out.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 1,028
GnarfletheGarth, I recently picked up my third white chip. It's pretty humbling and my relapse was short but I won't give up the sober time I've had. I view the work I've done amazing considering where I was. Be grateful for what you've done to better yourself and learn from the rest. Be grateful you have a group of friends that care for you, a warm bed, choices, job, this community, people that love you AND you woke up today!!!!! And on and on....
It's takes a lot of courage to admitt a relapse. It takes even more to go get that white chip again! I'm hoping for me 3rd time's a charm but this a process for me. I happen to have been through a different type of addiction in the past which I have overcome. So I know for a fact I can get through this one. It will just take time and patience. One day I KNOW I will wake up and think, omg it's been how long since I used? And I won't even care or want to.
I NEVER thought I'd get over my other issue but I DID. It took me 13yrs! I don't care if this takes me 13yrs either. All I know is my drinking is down by 90% + and that's a hell of a lot better than every single day! Hang in there. It will happen.
It's takes a lot of courage to admitt a relapse. It takes even more to go get that white chip again! I'm hoping for me 3rd time's a charm but this a process for me. I happen to have been through a different type of addiction in the past which I have overcome. So I know for a fact I can get through this one. It will just take time and patience. One day I KNOW I will wake up and think, omg it's been how long since I used? And I won't even care or want to.
I NEVER thought I'd get over my other issue but I DID. It took me 13yrs! I don't care if this takes me 13yrs either. All I know is my drinking is down by 90% + and that's a hell of a lot better than every single day! Hang in there. It will happen.
ಠ_ಠ
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Portland Maine
Posts: 11
Hey Ya'll, thanks for all the support.
Sometimes I do put on the happy face and keep it all in -- but sometimes that better because I want to strangle everyone in the rooms. But I think that's natural for an alcoholic.
Otherwise I have a temporary sponsor and I think i'm about to get one that I can actually connect with -- which would be a first. Before this it was old timers or fast talkers.
I'm digging up my first step and adding to it for this relapse -- i'm sure reading it over will help stop obsessing. My brain is telling me now that because I started my relapse with pills, I couldn't control anything else -- what a crock. I was unable to even control the pot.
Since this relapse I've been obsessing over getting into a relationship! I want to immediately return to my codependent roots so I don't have to feel good about myself -- just let someone else do it for me. Texting exes -- fortunately all my exes live in Texas =) And I'm in Maine now. So it's pretty safe. But I'm still using them for relief -- which is what I've always done. Any advice on getting out of my codependent habits too?
Changes i'm making this time: Calling 3-4 people per day in the program and just saying Hey ****, I need to practice this and then talking about whatever comes up. I'm getting more numbers and I'm saying YES when people ask me to do things.
I'm also getting more involved with a martial arts program here. It follows the same spiritual principles as AA and helps at-risk youth. While they don't understand my issues, the don't judge and are happy to give me a place to go.
My head feels a little more screwed on straight today. Let's see how long it lasts!
Sometimes I do put on the happy face and keep it all in -- but sometimes that better because I want to strangle everyone in the rooms. But I think that's natural for an alcoholic.
Otherwise I have a temporary sponsor and I think i'm about to get one that I can actually connect with -- which would be a first. Before this it was old timers or fast talkers.
I'm digging up my first step and adding to it for this relapse -- i'm sure reading it over will help stop obsessing. My brain is telling me now that because I started my relapse with pills, I couldn't control anything else -- what a crock. I was unable to even control the pot.
Since this relapse I've been obsessing over getting into a relationship! I want to immediately return to my codependent roots so I don't have to feel good about myself -- just let someone else do it for me. Texting exes -- fortunately all my exes live in Texas =) And I'm in Maine now. So it's pretty safe. But I'm still using them for relief -- which is what I've always done. Any advice on getting out of my codependent habits too?
Changes i'm making this time: Calling 3-4 people per day in the program and just saying Hey ****, I need to practice this and then talking about whatever comes up. I'm getting more numbers and I'm saying YES when people ask me to do things.
I'm also getting more involved with a martial arts program here. It follows the same spiritual principles as AA and helps at-risk youth. While they don't understand my issues, the don't judge and are happy to give me a place to go.
My head feels a little more screwed on straight today. Let's see how long it lasts!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by GnarfletheGarth 
32 days in. Still OK. A little happy too. =) 
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: california
Posts: 323
Aww Garth (hugs)...I am actually happy to hear you say you want to be with people. I was concerned about your isolation. I am SO proud of you for coming back from your relapse...that takes strength and determination. And honesty. Good for you.
Keep posting and keep getting out amongst people in recovery and who make you feel good, like the martial arts people. That sounds very positive. Take care and keep posting!
Keep posting and keep getting out amongst people in recovery and who make you feel good, like the martial arts people. That sounds very positive. Take care and keep posting!
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Garth, great job on getting back to staying stopped one day at a time. Do work the steps again, I've gone through them (specifically 4 & 5) 3 times in 9 months. Each time with relief and with more freedom (step 9 done).
Considering your medical history, sometimes people do need help from a doctor or psychiatrist. There may be a medication for you that would stop those migraines, if they start again, especially after 16 months. Some people do have dual diagnosis.
I applaud you for your efforts. Yeah, keep that personal stuff between you and your sponsor, not in a meeting. Not everyone needs to know all that information.
You are not alone, ever!! Stick around SR! (all opinion here, if it's not helpful, ignore it)
Peace,
Considering your medical history, sometimes people do need help from a doctor or psychiatrist. There may be a medication for you that would stop those migraines, if they start again, especially after 16 months. Some people do have dual diagnosis.
I applaud you for your efforts. Yeah, keep that personal stuff between you and your sponsor, not in a meeting. Not everyone needs to know all that information.
You are not alone, ever!! Stick around SR! (all opinion here, if it's not helpful, ignore it)
Peace,
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Your other post is listed as 2-08-12 at 11:11 a.m.
It threw me, I even took my battery out of my cell phone to reset the date! Even though I looked at a calendar....I went into a time warp.....the 8th isn't until Thursday!
It threw me, I even took my battery out of my cell phone to reset the date! Even though I looked at a calendar....I went into a time warp.....the 8th isn't until Thursday!
The Little Alcoholic Monstress That Could
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Northern California
Posts: 1,159
"Calling 3-4 people per day in the program and just saying Hey ****, I need to practice this and then talking about whatever comes up. I'm getting more numbers and I'm saying YES when people ask me to do things."
YES! So glad your going strong and last night it was mentioned in a meeting that nothing will ensure our sobriety more than working with another alcoholic.
God bless
YES! So glad your going strong and last night it was mentioned in a meeting that nothing will ensure our sobriety more than working with another alcoholic.
God bless
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