Calling Strangers on the Phone?
 

Hey guys, kind of a dumb question here, but does anyone else find it extremely hard to just call a stranger up on the phone?

I went to my first meeting a few days ago and all of the women gave me a meeting list with their phone numbers on it and I was told by several people to just give them a call and introduce myself and such, so that I could get used to talking to them in case I ever have a bad situation and need to call them.

I still haven't called any of them yet because I have terrible anxiety and calling strangers just makes me feel totally weird.

What is a good way to approach this?

I'd try to remember they gave you their number to call them to practice when you need help - they want you to, FF :)

I'm not good with strangers or on the phone either but sometimes you just have to do it :)
D

Write down what you're going to say beforehand, and when you make the phone call refer to your notes. Only, don't actually READ them off lol...

You're not alone in your anxiety, FF. For me, calling someone from a meeting was no less difficult than walking through the doorway into the first meeting.

As Dee said, it helped me to remember they wouldn't have volunteered their numbers if they didn't want me to call.

Other than that consolation, I had to "out want' my anxiety....which was no small task.

Call & talk. Yes, awkward, but like a first meeting, you can accomplish it. Call & talk.

Im hoping to see them all again this week when I go back to the same meeting, and I think that as I see them more and more I may be more comfortable calling them.


I think this week during my lunch breaks at work I am going to call one person a day and just say "hi, I'm ____, I met you at a meeting last thursday and you gave me your phone number, I just wanted to call and say hello and practice calling incase i need your help in the future"

i guess that would be ok? lol I have no social skills whatsoever, I blame my parents for that they pretty much kept me in a bubble until I was almost an adult and I never learned how to properly make friends or socialize with people in general.

I'm a mess with things like this, FF. Practice is the only way. After a few tries you'll feel much more confident. You can even tell them you feel a little awkward - they'll understand.

(The parents keeping you in a bubble thing - I can relate! Alot of my problems come from that.)

Yeah, and I hope they text because I love to text and i would definitely feel so much more comfortable if they tell me that they would not mind that, lol.

Double Post.....

In AA we have to be there for another suffering alcoholic. This is required of us. So don't feel bad about calling. After you have been to a few more meetings and gotten to know some of these people better your anxiety will melt away.

I might add there is a chat room here at SR if you feel the need for immediate support.

Yeah im a frequent chatter there already :)

That's perfect....You can try..."MY sponsor thought it would be a good idea that I call the numbers I got on Thursday and introduce myself...I'm ___ and I look forward to hearing you share in the meetings....I'm new and I just want to learn what I can about the program. Any help you can offer...I would love to hear it."

Shows you follow directions and you are willing to learn...You're going to be surprised how friendly these people are going to be...They love it! You'll probably end up BSing about something you don't even expect....I had to do that...And these guys are all friends of mine now. They're alkies...They love to BS.

That's a great goal to set Flyer. Calling one person a day. And remember, you are helping them out just as much as they are helping you.

God bless.

Yeah, thats another thing too, is how exactly do you find a sponsor? I mean i have a friend that i talk to daily but I need to find a woman sponsor.

Look for a woman in the program that has the kind of sobriety that you want. Someone who preferably has several years in the program, has worked all the steps, and truly lives the program.

Ask around at meetings for those who are available for sponsership. Talk to a chairperson at the meeting if they know who is available. People in the meetings will be more than happy to guide you in the right direction. Go to a women's only meeting and get to know the people in there, listen to them speak.

I found my sponser at a meeting that appointed temporary sponsers. He and I got to know each other, and he is my sponser today.

Good luck and God bless.

Thanks, yes I am going to a womans meeting hopefully next week. I am the youngest person there so it is a little bit intimidating but I hope to find someone :)

great job! for me it was life or death.

FF-
What a great post! It's great that you are wanting to do something you find difficult in the name of your recovery. It demonstrates the kind of openness of mind and willingness that is required if we are to change our way of thinking and living.

A good ice breaker might just to call someone from the list that said something you liked at the meeting. Just say "I just wanted to call to say 'hi' and I like what you had to share."

The other person will likely carry the conversation from there. It's not weird, it's what we expect and want but don't get nearly enough of. We know we've got another person among us who is serious about their program. Being connected is such an important part of the program for me. These calls make my day and are one more thing to help me stay sober.

I look forward to hearing how your program is going since you are obviously off to a great start.

When you go...Share in the meeting that you are looking for a sponsor to take you through the steps...By the Big Book. Hang around after the meeting a little bit...That's good to do anyway. I'm sure somebody will approach you. You can also ask your friend who he would rwcommend as a good female sponsor...You can also pray a little...That never hurts. Good luck on your journey...It will change your life. It not only changed mine...It saved it.

Yes, and thank you. I did ask my friend but all he told me was call the women on my list. I think he is trying to avoid our friendship getting too deeply involved in AA. Like I will probably go to a meeting a week with him, because he offered to drive me, but other than that I think and he thinks it is a good idea to keep the friendship seperate form the recovery process.

I mean, I text him daily about how im doing, which he likes, but we try to avoid the really deep conversations because he knows that i would relate to a woman much better

He may just feel this is your journey and you should experience it on your own...If he does..I think he's right.

I might be weighing in a little late here but I would try to remember the person that perhaps appealed to me the most and call them. That of course may not be possible if the list was passed around without you realizing that they were going to give it to you or if you weren't able to see the face with the number. However, on the other hand maybe just try to call one number and think of it as if you're making a professional call. Sorta like you're calling about your electric bill or your calling to find out where that item is you bought on line but it has yet to reach your house. Those may not be good examples but what I'm trying to say is just think of it as you would with any other stranger that you call and need to do business with. At first it will seem a little awkward but I would bet that the person you reach on the other end is going to be very warm and receptive. They will probably go out of their way to make you feel comfortable. They wouldn't put their phone numbers out there if they didn't expect someone to call them from time to time. Plus...remember this, you never know what You may be doing for them. Sponsors, or those that offer their phone numbers really do get a lot out of the other person calling them. More often then not they are getting more from the call then what You ware going to get out of it to begin with. Also, just think of it as the first day in class and you're getting to meet all the others who are new too...not quite the same but similar...these ladies really do believe that your calling them is extremely important. Another thing is that you never know but it could turn out to be one of your new best friends in the whole wide world. You will find on the end of the other line someone that knows exactly how you feel, even if all your current family or friends don't know how you feel; these ladies are going to know for sure. Those first words of, "Hello, this is "your name", I was just calling to find out more about the program"...etc....from there the conversation is going to flourish. It will feel awkward for only a moment...and after a couple of sentences those awkward feelings are going to subside. It does sound strange to some degree but it really isn't at all. If you were in need of some type of help say for your computer and you could call to get it fixed, it wouldn't be anything to call them and say hey, this program isn't working right or what am I doing wrong to make this thing not work correctly. That stranger on the other end of the line wouldn't think anything other than you were in need of their help. Same thing here, you may be in need of their help and understanding...and they will know exactly what to tell you...well, most of the time....sometimes we as people simply don't know and then all we can say is, "I don't know but we can sure find it out together."...anyways, give it a try, the worse thing that can happen is you call and feel a little awkward for a few seconds.

Cob

Thanks everyone, I think I'm gonna take my first approach and just keep going to the same meetings each week and talk to the same women and then I know I will be alright with calling them up because we'll become friends. :)

FF, I'm glad you posted this because I'm in the same boat & it's great to read both your shares and others' responses. I'm not much of a phone person at all, even with family & old friends, much less people I barely know. I have a heap of numbers but have yet to really use them. The women's meeting tip is a good one - I have 3 a week that I attend and it's a different dynamic than the mixed ones. I've started slow with two women I text with often & do things with, and am finally pinpointing another to ask to sponsor me. I think it just takes some of us longer than others. One of the friends I mentioned says "calling is for the big girls, you'll get there." I think you have great ideas for approaching them, and wish you luck. And thank you..this is helping me get more motivation/courage to get on the horn too. :)

Thank you. :) For me it is a small step at a time process. I know I'm helping myself both in recovery and socially. I want sober friends to hang out with. :)