Marius76

Day 28 here, 4th weekend sober, and it's slowly setting in the monumental change that has taken hold of me and I wonder how or what I am going to do with my weekends from now on. For the last... er, 10 years + weekends have meant pretty much one thing, getting wasted and having what I thought was a 'good time'. All that has now stopped and I'm left with an empty feeling, I am now scared to get in contact with any of my recent friends because of the danger that might entail.

I've never been more sure about my determination to stay sober but I'm worried that I'm becoming a recluse, this must come from my all-or-nothing personality, I don't have the urge to see or speak to anyone, this afternoon I went to the food store and bumped into a friend who was out with his wife and kids and I found it really hard to talk to them, I got really nervous and think I made a fool of myself. When I'm at work all is fine, I can be super social and happy, it's just me in my leisure time finding it hard to re-adjust.

I know I should take one step at a time but I'm just finding the sober real-world a bit frightening, I can find ways to work on this, I guess I just want to put my thoughts out there as I know a lot of you have perhaps been through the same thing.

Now going to find something constructive to do with the rest of this sober saturday, enjoy your weekend SR folks.

Anna

It is definitely an adjustment, isn't it!

I'm glad you're looking for healthy activities to do on your weekends.

sissy07

Hi Marius,

I am having exactly the same problem. I have to make myself do anything social, and I feel like I don't have anything interesting to say. If someone would ask me what I have been doing I don't know what I would say...work and being with my dogs. One of the big things I have learned from SR is not drinking doesn't fix your life....I am just now realizing that I am going to have to do more than sit on my laurels admiring myself for not drinking....I am going to have to learn to live. Sounds simple, but I honestly didn't get that concept until just recently. I look forward to reading the responses from your thread....you explained it perfectly. Thanks.

nonblondechef

Good morning, Marius -

I can really appreciate where you are coming from. I work weekends from 2p -1030p (in a casino restaurant that is open 24 hours a day) so that doesn't factor in for me, however, I when I have days off for the most part I do not want to socialize with anyone. I'm strengthening my resolve and getting stronger mentally. All of my friends here drink, so for right now, I choose to enjoy the serenity of my cozy home and fluffy, snotty house cat - Simple pleasures but more than enough for the moment. Happy weekend, my friend - thanks for such a great, thought provoking post :-)

sugarbear1

Give time time. You'll feel better in social situations. An attitude of gratitude helps. Keep smiling. Start a hobby or something you wanted to do, or start a new one!

Marius76

Well, I did what potentially could have been very dangerous and stopped by the old restaurant I used to work in, and there was a group of 4 or 5 guys I used to drink with, most of them were drunk, and still ordering more, I sat with them and talked (as much as was possible due to their state) and I actually got support from them! One guy said he had never actually seen me sober and it was a refreshing change, I had a nice time and felt strangely comfortable sat there with a coca cola, I didn't stay too long as temptation may have taken hold.

Now i'm at home with the fire on feeling a tiny bit pleased with myself, maybe all these doubts are sorting themselves out and my friends will accept, and better than that, actually like the new me. It's another step in the right direction.

Thank you for your support on here guys.

sissy07

I love it! I am glad you had a positive experience with your friends. That is inspiring....maybe there is hope for me out there! You sound like you are in a good place. WTG!

Ranger

Living a contented, gratifying life is not an involuntary function such as breathing. Rather, it must be learned by practice and application.

The trouble for many of us alcoholics is we've years if not decades in the practice and application of drinking ourselves into self-annhilation, which of course is the antithesis of a contented, gratifying life!

So, in the beginning stages of sobriety, we kinda suck at normalcy

In time, practice and application, you will become more comfortable in this, your true self. Indeed, you will find your sober life more gratifying than you could truly appreciate while drinking.

katrinka

I know exactly how you feel. Earlier I was thinking it might be nice to go out to dinner but I know I'd be unhappy because I couldn't order wine so I'm ordering pizza in. Good for you for going out and not drinking, I hope I'll be brave enough to do that soon. Day 27 here and still not drinking!!

Marius76

Enjoy the pizza Katrinka!
It was either brave or stupid to sit with friends who were drinking tonight, I didn't expect to have so much willpower, wherever it came from I am so happy it did!

Marius76

Sissy07 of course there's hope for you to do the same, though I'm not encouraging it, only do something like that if you are having an especially strong moment, as it did have the possibility of going wrong for me.

MycoolFitz

Hi, I,ve been dealing with this and am trying to avoid one screw up for another. I think I need health and wellness in all aspects of my life or I just crash again.

StPeteGrad

I should just defer my thought to Ranger - he gets it. BTW, 1 year in a few weeks for us!

He's exactly right, though. In the beginning sober living is something that needs to be deliberate as we learn what works and practice that. We also find out what doesn't work and do something else.

I personally avoided all people, places, and things that I associated with drinking. This could have potentially left a huge void if not for my early involvement with AA and being surrounded with others that had the same immediate goal of not drinking. I see some of my old drinking buddies once in a while and I feel very sad for them. They look terrible, complain about everything, and don't have any new stories to tell.

Something I've noticed and other recovering alcoholics noticed as well is that we had many dreams and hobbies we had to put on the shelf since drinking took up so much time and money. For me it was fishing and boating that I now take tremendous joy in with my new friends.

Over the past year I've figured who those people were that are friends and who are just drinking buddies. I found I didn't have many real friends, but there were a few. With all the new friends I've made in AA and our common interests outside of sobriety that void has been filled to overflowing.

Page 151 of the Big Book (you can read it at Alcoholics Anonymous : if you don't have one) addresses this very clearly and I can tell you that it speaks the truth.

Congratulations on 28 days! You've got a great foundation to grow from. Keep it up and life can be greater than you could possibly imagine.

deadset

Good Grateful Dead song right there!! I think that re-learning how to interact with the world in general void of any helping substances is indeed one of the most challenging humps to get over...It will come in time...the will to want to learn how to do it is damn important! Until then...one weekend at a time...if chillin with some pizza and the tv is what it takes...do it...weekends are re-defined a bit after sobering up...nothing wrong with that...it makes us unique...we have no choice but to interact...socialize...and live in this world clear-headed...it is a good thing...rediscovering who you are in this world...

let that light shine bright....

Hevyn

Marius - Like the others, I had the same feelings early on. I had numbed myself for so many years I felt like an alien when I no longer had my crutch. It took me a few months to adjust to the new me.

It sounds like you made out just fine, though. Very proud of you for having a great attitude and determination to make this work. Every time you get over one of these hurdles, you grow stronger. Great job, Marius.

instant

The time has to be filled, either we are drunk and talking/thinking gibberish, bored or we find something to do.

There is time to fill and it takes time to figure out how to manage your life, and you need time to build the skills.

Dee74

I drank for 20 years - not to put anyone off, but it took me a fairly long time to feel comfortable without drinking....longer than 28 days anyway

Give it time Marius

And - I don't believe we don't need to put ourselves in potentially dangerous situations either. There's a million things to do out there that don't involve or centre around alcohol.

They may take a little more work to think of and organise - you may have to widen your friend circle too - but it's perfectly possible to be in recovery, not be around alcohol, and yet not be a hermit too

D

Marius76

Thank you Dee, i understand it will take time... And don't worry, i certainly don't condone putting oneself in any dangerous/tempting situations, I was passing by (it's very near home) and got spotted, if it didn't happen today it would be the next, ineveitable really. I just decided I had to get out there and face the world. I'm skiing in the morning, so there's no chance of temptation there- they'll be in bed with hangovers all day!

jocata

I'm definately not totally comfortable in my own skin, around people or not. Some days are better than others. I make myself get out and interact, with recovering people, friends at church, people on the street. Some days i interact well, other days I'm a hermit.

We're works in progress.

God bless.