Today is Last day of using; Nervous
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 93
This headache is awful, but I don't mind so much, because my emotions seem to be stable at the moment. The depression (if you can call it that) this morning was brutal. I've read about others' bouts, but it still surprised me how quick it came on and how severe. Frightening. I am thankful for the respite right here right now. I will take on tomorrow...tomorrow.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 93
Thanks for all the prayers and concerns, they really help.
I slept well. Now I'm rattling around my cold house not knowing what to do with myself with no pills. I've checked my supply a dozen times...empty; how silly is that? I guess if I keep looking one will just appear out of thin air! LOL
I have a strange clarity to my mind this morning, don't really understand it. I liken it to being in the eye of a hurricane...all is calm and still, but strange clouds in the horizon; blue skys, but no birds singing; all is well, but I know the storm is coming back with a vengeance; I cannot get complacent, must stay prepared and ready for the worst.
I slept well. Now I'm rattling around my cold house not knowing what to do with myself with no pills. I've checked my supply a dozen times...empty; how silly is that? I guess if I keep looking one will just appear out of thin air! LOL
I have a strange clarity to my mind this morning, don't really understand it. I liken it to being in the eye of a hurricane...all is calm and still, but strange clouds in the horizon; blue skys, but no birds singing; all is well, but I know the storm is coming back with a vengeance; I cannot get complacent, must stay prepared and ready for the worst.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 93
Here comes the bad stuff again...crying crying crying. I'm sad over my first husband whom I divorced 16 yrs ago (and don't even like him). That makes no since, totally irrational! I'm crying over made-up things, over things that don't matter, over today and yesterday and all the days to come. None of this makes any sense. None of it is real in my logical mind, but it certainly feels real. i cannot seem to talk myself out of this emotional hell!
:rotfxko
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: california
Posts: 323
Originally Posted by GalFriday 
Here comes the bad stuff again...crying crying crying. I'm sad over my first husband whom I divorced 16 yrs ago (and don't even like him). That makes no since, totally irrational! I'm crying over made-up things, over things that don't matter, over today and yesterday and all the days to come. None of this makes any sense. None of it is real in my logical mind, but it certainly feels real. i cannot seem to talk myself out of this emotional hell!
I know it seems so overwhelming right now. Try not to think about tomorrow and the next day, etc. Focus on getting thru TODAY. Every day you WILL feel a bit better.
You have quite a fan club here. Use us and rely on us- we are here for you!
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Left of Center
Posts: 5
hang in there GF. I promise it does get better. I have next to no will power and I have been sober for 17 days! If you would have told me a few months ago that I made it this far I would have called you crazy!!!
You can do it!
We are all here for you
You can do it!
We are all here for you
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 34
Hang in there Gal!
I am a mom with a little boy too. I am on day 4 without alcohol. Somehow, for me, rather than being overly emotional, I feel very NUMB. (and have a raging headache) I have had pills issues too...percocet, ambien, ativan, etc. Whatever I could get my hands on. I stopped my pill habit and replaced it with wine. More and more and more....
The mother guilt about how I got here and the time I have "missed" being a good mom will never go away, but I know I have to turn this around.
Let's be here for each other!
I am a mom with a little boy too. I am on day 4 without alcohol. Somehow, for me, rather than being overly emotional, I feel very NUMB. (and have a raging headache) I have had pills issues too...percocet, ambien, ativan, etc. Whatever I could get my hands on. I stopped my pill habit and replaced it with wine. More and more and more....
The mother guilt about how I got here and the time I have "missed" being a good mom will never go away, but I know I have to turn this around.
Let's be here for each other!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Newburgh
Posts: 868
Checking up on u Gal. Been reading your posts. I know what you are feeling. At times there almost is a weird sence of clarity, almost extrasensory, or surreal. It's hard to describe. Then come the waves of nostalgia, depression, anger, fear. It is unlike any other withdrawal I've been thru.
I had alot of thoughts about my childhood, an old girlfriend, sports I used to love to play, childhood music. Just plain weird.
Glad u slept well last night. I didn't sleep hardly at all the first few days. Finally broke down and had my Lunesta prescription refilled.
Hang in there, you will get thru it.
God bless.
I had alot of thoughts about my childhood, an old girlfriend, sports I used to love to play, childhood music. Just plain weird.
Glad u slept well last night. I didn't sleep hardly at all the first few days. Finally broke down and had my Lunesta prescription refilled.
Hang in there, you will get thru it.
God bless.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
GalFriday, when I was drying out I learned that trying to deal with my past would lead me to great sadness and remorse. Worrying about the future would make me anxious and filled me with fear and dread.
The only thing left was the 'now'. I found that the 'now' was not too bad at all, especially when I recognized I was finally treating myself gently with some love and care. I knew that within a day or so, the physical aspects of withdrawal were going to peak, and then my life was going to improve every day from then on. I was going to become present for my kids and get rid of that foggy window between me and everything going on around me.
That is waiting for you too, GalFriday. I know that is what you deserve to have, and no thing or person can take that life from you, and make you change your mind. You are doing this thing!
The only thing left was the 'now'. I found that the 'now' was not too bad at all, especially when I recognized I was finally treating myself gently with some love and care. I knew that within a day or so, the physical aspects of withdrawal were going to peak, and then my life was going to improve every day from then on. I was going to become present for my kids and get rid of that foggy window between me and everything going on around me.
That is waiting for you too, GalFriday. I know that is what you deserve to have, and no thing or person can take that life from you, and make you change your mind. You are doing this thing!
JUST DO IT!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
Hey! You Can Do This!
I know the last time I went totally off of everything at once, the withdraw was so terrible that after day 3 I almost went to the hospital. I was taking Zanex, Vicidine, Meth, Booze, and WDYG (What Do You Got). I didn't consult a Doctor or anything. The sweats, the headaches, everything was just so messed up in my head that nothing made sense.
I literally had to sit on my hands to not pick up the phone to get a fix, and it didn't matter what it was, just to take the edge off. However, I knew deep down, that the edge would be back again and I didn't want that to happen.
I remember after going to a few meetings I went to my Pastor and told Him that I think these guys are nuts, they think that we have a disease that is incurable. And Jesus says, He can cure anything. I used to be real religious. He told me I didn't need to go back their.
Than I told one guy that I just can't relate to anything that they say. He told me to look for the similarities not the differences. I said I would try so much harder to listen to the message and not the messenger. That seemed to help me focus. One more thing that I needed to hear was what my Sponsor in Columbia Missouri told me once.
He said, "Vic, open up your Basic Text to the first page and what do you see?" I opened it up and said, "Nothing." He Said, "That is right Vic, Nothing!. That is what God holds against you for all of your mistakes and that is what you know about Recovery. So if God doesn't hold anything against you, who the H#LL do you Think you are not to forgive Yourself!?" As soon as I could become somewhat Humble, than the withdraw wasn't too bad.
Blessings to you!
I know the last time I went totally off of everything at once, the withdraw was so terrible that after day 3 I almost went to the hospital. I was taking Zanex, Vicidine, Meth, Booze, and WDYG (What Do You Got). I didn't consult a Doctor or anything. The sweats, the headaches, everything was just so messed up in my head that nothing made sense.
I literally had to sit on my hands to not pick up the phone to get a fix, and it didn't matter what it was, just to take the edge off. However, I knew deep down, that the edge would be back again and I didn't want that to happen.
I remember after going to a few meetings I went to my Pastor and told Him that I think these guys are nuts, they think that we have a disease that is incurable. And Jesus says, He can cure anything. I used to be real religious. He told me I didn't need to go back their.
Than I told one guy that I just can't relate to anything that they say. He told me to look for the similarities not the differences. I said I would try so much harder to listen to the message and not the messenger. That seemed to help me focus. One more thing that I needed to hear was what my Sponsor in Columbia Missouri told me once.
He said, "Vic, open up your Basic Text to the first page and what do you see?" I opened it up and said, "Nothing." He Said, "That is right Vic, Nothing!. That is what God holds against you for all of your mistakes and that is what you know about Recovery. So if God doesn't hold anything against you, who the H#LL do you Think you are not to forgive Yourself!?" As soon as I could become somewhat Humble, than the withdraw wasn't too bad.
Blessings to you!
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I hope you're doing OK, Gal....... Remember that there's a light at the end of the tunnel - you won't feel this way forever. I tried to treat withdrawal like I would if I had a bad case of the flu or a broken bone or whatever. I rested a lot, watched some TV, and tried not to think too much....... (like freshstart said, thinking about the future or past only makes it worse).
We're here for you......:ghug3
We're here for you......:ghug3
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 93
BIG ACCOMPLISHMENT! I got my son to his friends' bday party yesterday, I am very proud of myself! I had read Maxxy's thread where she painted on a smile for sake of the kids and I thought "OK, if she can do it, I can to". It was NOT fun. I'm sure I looked like hell and I certainly wasn't sociable, but my son had a great time. I just told someone I was keeping to myself because i have the flu. I was afraid I would end up hiding in the bathroom crying, but i didn't. getting out in the real world actually helped some, took my mind off of me for a bit. He has one more party today, and my "plan" is to go to that one too if at all possible. It takes away some of my guilt to have him out of the house among other people doing something fun. ---- As far as my physical condition; horrible. Cold sweats, tremors, bad stomach, headache etc etc. But I can deal with that a lot better than the mental issues. When the crazy thoughts start flooding my mind it is frightening and difficult to overcome.
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