FED UP already
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Dublin
Posts: 90
FED UP already
Morning
Havent been on here for a few days cause I'm fed up .. fed up with my recovery .. emotional, irritated and have I said fed up ...
Stopped going to AA cause I havent spoken at 1 meeting yet .. don't want to and I really don't see what listening to everyone else is actually doing for my sanity in the longrun - its a big meeting for people to offload their problems and what matters if there's one less ear in the audience???
Lost my temper in work this morning and I generally keep to myself in the office when it comes to spats - im never one to be petty or get involved but today I snapped at 2 colleagues because they were annoying me .. no reason .. just anoying me. I havent drank, don't want to so it's not a want for alcohol that has me feeling this way on Day 24 .. Im just fed up with the "people with a drink problem" and the "alcoholic" shelf in life.
I dunno where Im going with this rant but just thought if any1'd make sense of it or clarify whats going on it'd be here on SR seen as I cant make sense of it myself
Havent been on here for a few days cause I'm fed up .. fed up with my recovery .. emotional, irritated and have I said fed up ...
Stopped going to AA cause I havent spoken at 1 meeting yet .. don't want to and I really don't see what listening to everyone else is actually doing for my sanity in the longrun - its a big meeting for people to offload their problems and what matters if there's one less ear in the audience???
Lost my temper in work this morning and I generally keep to myself in the office when it comes to spats - im never one to be petty or get involved but today I snapped at 2 colleagues because they were annoying me .. no reason .. just anoying me. I havent drank, don't want to so it's not a want for alcohol that has me feeling this way on Day 24 .. Im just fed up with the "people with a drink problem" and the "alcoholic" shelf in life.
I dunno where Im going with this rant but just thought if any1'd make sense of it or clarify whats going on it'd be here on SR seen as I cant make sense of it myself
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
I think a lot of us can identify with how you're feeling.
The problem is there's a certain inevitability that goes with that feeling in my experience...
I can't count the times that recovery seemed to be too hard or too difficult or just too damn annoying for me...and inevitably drinking started to not look so bad.
I'm glad to hear you don't want to drink, but how long can that last when you feel so ticked off and the things that might help are ticking you off more?
Take a deep breath. Try and remember what you're trying to achieve here Isabella.
I understand how working on your recovery can feel like a chore.
maybe you can look at the good things you have happening in your life now you're sober?
Remind yourself of why you're doing this.
Look at what you're doing for support too - is it really not working for you, or are you not giving it a chance?
if you do decide it's not working, don't forget to replace it with something else - we do need to work on our recovery, like it or not - but it shouldn't feel like a chore
D
The problem is there's a certain inevitability that goes with that feeling in my experience...
I can't count the times that recovery seemed to be too hard or too difficult or just too damn annoying for me...and inevitably drinking started to not look so bad.
I'm glad to hear you don't want to drink, but how long can that last when you feel so ticked off and the things that might help are ticking you off more?
Take a deep breath. Try and remember what you're trying to achieve here Isabella.
I understand how working on your recovery can feel like a chore.
maybe you can look at the good things you have happening in your life now you're sober?
Remind yourself of why you're doing this.
Look at what you're doing for support too - is it really not working for you, or are you not giving it a chance?
if you do decide it's not working, don't forget to replace it with something else - we do need to work on our recovery, like it or not - but it shouldn't feel like a chore
D
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
It took a while for it all to settle down. My emotions, sleep and all sorts of things were out of whack. I am 8 months and I have slowly come to realize it is a slow process. The first 90 days I had obsessive thinking ( see the Big Book free online). It is hard but I now experience an amazing sense of freedom quite often. I have come to believe we can be free of struggle and torment.
I found the daily practice of gratitude incredibly helpful, it is now a big part of my daily life, although when I started I thought it was BS.
Whatever happens just keep going and the burden will be lifted, be gentle on yourself and others.
I found the daily practice of gratitude incredibly helpful, it is now a big part of my daily life, although when I started I thought it was BS.
Whatever happens just keep going and the burden will be lifted, be gentle on yourself and others.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Dublin
Posts: 90
Thanks guys ... Its just so hard cause I have identified I have a problem with how I drink therefore I have stopped, I have identified my reason to stop .. my partner and family but then I have friends who at every opportunity are trying to tell me I AM normal I DONT have a problem and the feelings can become quite conficted then.
I knew if I were to get any sense of things, it'd be here
I knew if I were to get any sense of things, it'd be here
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by isabella1bella 
I have friends who at every opportunity are trying to tell me I AM normal I DONT have a problem
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Dublin
Posts: 90
They were friends before I went drinking with them but when I moved back to the city 2 years ago my relationships with them did seem to involve around parties and drinking.
I havent got a sponsor yet no ... 2 women gave me there numbers but I didnt feel comfortable calling either of them tbh.
I just feel fed up .. cant think of any other words to explain how I feel "fed up" seems to cover it aptly ...
My boyf has been amazing trying to keep me busy and is taking me away next weekend for a spa break ... i need to find something to fill so many hours and there's only so much tv and web browsing one can do .. and before anyone says excercise - I DO .. every day but again only so much of that I can do ontop of a fulltime job
I havent got a sponsor yet no ... 2 women gave me there numbers but I didnt feel comfortable calling either of them tbh.
I just feel fed up .. cant think of any other words to explain how I feel "fed up" seems to cover it aptly ...
My boyf has been amazing trying to keep me busy and is taking me away next weekend for a spa break ... i need to find something to fill so many hours and there's only so much tv and web browsing one can do .. and before anyone says excercise - I DO .. every day but again only so much of that I can do ontop of a fulltime job
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by isabella1bella
i need to find something to fill so many hours and there's only so much tv and web browsing one can do ..
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
I just had one other question for you Isabella...Because I'd like to see you make it. You've had two women offer to help you and you say you don't feel comfortable calling them...How comfortable do you feel not calling them?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by isabella1bella
I feel very comfortable NOT calling them tbh ... dont feel any better/worse by not calling them as I would if I did I presume ...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
It is seemingly predictable... after a couple of weeks of not drinking, life starts to suck.
Meetings, especially middle of the road type meetings (people who share the mess (offloading problems) instead of the (spiritual) message, the solution) won't help.
The steps, the program of AA will help. Call those people in AA, search for a sponsor, use that down time to read the Big Book.
or not... There are other techniques and programs of recovery.
Hang in there, it does get better.
Meetings, especially middle of the road type meetings (people who share the mess (offloading problems) instead of the (spiritual) message, the solution) won't help.
The steps, the program of AA will help. Call those people in AA, search for a sponsor, use that down time to read the Big Book.
or not... There are other techniques and programs of recovery.
Hang in there, it does get better.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: united states
Posts: 127
to be honest, I've had feelings like these creeping in for the past few days. I'm on day 24 and I'm sleeping 8-9 hours each night but I can't get up and going in the mornings. and I feel like I'm winning if I get the day done sober and get back to bed. surely there must be more, much more to sober life.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,146
'Stopped going to AA cause I havent spoken at 1 meeting yet .. don't want to and I really don't see what listening to everyone else is actually doing for my sanity in the longrun - its a big meeting for people to offload their problems and what matters if there's one less ear in the audience???'
Relax, it doesn't matter in the least if you're sitting in a chair silent or not. If you're not willing to do more than that it's not worth your time, as continuing to do that will change nothing for you. It's a waste of your time.
AA is like a neighborhood rugby match. The players get the benefits of doing it, and apart from them it matters not if there are 2 spectators or 22. The spectators get cold ears and the thrill of wondering what it would be like if they were actually in the game.
Better if you were to go to a movie instead. AA will be there if you ever want to get in the game.
Relax, it doesn't matter in the least if you're sitting in a chair silent or not. If you're not willing to do more than that it's not worth your time, as continuing to do that will change nothing for you. It's a waste of your time.
AA is like a neighborhood rugby match. The players get the benefits of doing it, and apart from them it matters not if there are 2 spectators or 22. The spectators get cold ears and the thrill of wondering what it would be like if they were actually in the game.
Better if you were to go to a movie instead. AA will be there if you ever want to get in the game.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
It's possible to 'burn out' on recovery. We want results, positive results right away. Some people get that. Some people feel like a million bucks the first week, and everything is falling into place etc. Lucky them.
Some of us struggle and try and do EVERYTHING and feel like we are getting no where.
99% of the recovering addicts I know, within a couple months even out to somewhere in between. So, if you hang in there, it'll get better, and the people high on cloud nine will probably float back down to earth.
There are different kinds of AA meetings. Sounds like you might benefit right now from a step study or Big Book meeting more than the one you are at now. That focuses on teaching the program rather than talking about personal issues.
Some days not drinking/using is all we do towards our recovery. That's still a big step. And on those days we are moving forward and learning about dealing with life sober. I think it helps tons to have a program and to be actively working on it and applying it, but yeah, I want a life too.
I'm glad you came here to share how you feel, because off loading that helps, and finding out that you're not alone hopefully helps as well.
Some recovering addicts DO make their program the focus of their lives, and it works for them. But for most, that is not necessary to stay sober.
Do look into other recovery options as well. They might better fit your personality and lifestyle, and they don't necessarily exclude attending AA meetings or AA principles, if you are finding those helpful in your sobriety.
On the subject of feeling not yourself, getting bored or irritable. It doesn't mean you are failing. In active addiction we get into the habit of drinking our discomforts away, any little annoyance, etc is a good enough reason to drink. Now we don't have that to run to, and yup, we are sometimes going to act like normal people. We are going to have bad days, and not anesthetize ourselves, but move through them. And if we do something we aren't proud of, we aren't going to go home and say "see, I should have drunk instead". I think most of us can think of many many many times while we were drinking that we did things we are REALLY not proud of. Snapping at a coworker is pretty small potatoes and we can go to them the next day and apologize. An easier fix than a DUI, or a broken bone, or a wrecked relationship that is a likely result of boozing.
I say all of this to you while I am neck deep in my own frustration, wondering if it's worth it, sick and tired of recovery, place. It's been a really tough couple of months for me, but I'm getting through it, and I KNOW it wouldn't be any better if I was drinking. I am handling situations now that I simply wouldn't be able to deal with wasted.
Some of us struggle and try and do EVERYTHING and feel like we are getting no where.
99% of the recovering addicts I know, within a couple months even out to somewhere in between. So, if you hang in there, it'll get better, and the people high on cloud nine will probably float back down to earth.
There are different kinds of AA meetings. Sounds like you might benefit right now from a step study or Big Book meeting more than the one you are at now. That focuses on teaching the program rather than talking about personal issues.
Some days not drinking/using is all we do towards our recovery. That's still a big step. And on those days we are moving forward and learning about dealing with life sober. I think it helps tons to have a program and to be actively working on it and applying it, but yeah, I want a life too.
I'm glad you came here to share how you feel, because off loading that helps, and finding out that you're not alone hopefully helps as well.
Some recovering addicts DO make their program the focus of their lives, and it works for them. But for most, that is not necessary to stay sober.
Do look into other recovery options as well. They might better fit your personality and lifestyle, and they don't necessarily exclude attending AA meetings or AA principles, if you are finding those helpful in your sobriety.
On the subject of feeling not yourself, getting bored or irritable. It doesn't mean you are failing. In active addiction we get into the habit of drinking our discomforts away, any little annoyance, etc is a good enough reason to drink. Now we don't have that to run to, and yup, we are sometimes going to act like normal people. We are going to have bad days, and not anesthetize ourselves, but move through them. And if we do something we aren't proud of, we aren't going to go home and say "see, I should have drunk instead". I think most of us can think of many many many times while we were drinking that we did things we are REALLY not proud of. Snapping at a coworker is pretty small potatoes and we can go to them the next day and apologize. An easier fix than a DUI, or a broken bone, or a wrecked relationship that is a likely result of boozing.
I say all of this to you while I am neck deep in my own frustration, wondering if it's worth it, sick and tired of recovery, place. It's been a really tough couple of months for me, but I'm getting through it, and I KNOW it wouldn't be any better if I was drinking. I am handling situations now that I simply wouldn't be able to deal with wasted.
New to Real Life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
In the absence of alcohol my life felt very stifling. Although in retrospect it was vacuous. I literally had nothing I loved to do except drink. So now that I stopped drinking... well there was nothing to be excited about! It really WAS true that life sucked without alcohol. MY life sucked without alcohol. I had NEVER put together a life with enjoyable sober touchpoints.
So I get that you're 'fed up with recovery'. But maybe you're looking at it wrong.
What are you doing every day to enjoy yourself?
So I get that you're 'fed up with recovery'. But maybe you're looking at it wrong.
What are you doing every day to enjoy yourself?
L'il fighter
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Mississauga, Ontario
Posts: 297
isabella - I relate to your post, and have experienced many of the frustrations and emotions that you're describing (especially irritability and boredom).
I think you have a great opportunity with the two offers of sponsorship from your group. I know you're reluctant, but how great would it be for you to do something slightly out of your comfort zone and reach out to one of them? If you're feeling stagnant in your recovery, this may the next step for you.
But if you really aren't feeling the AA vibe (I tried AA years ago and never really took to it), at least consider some other type of group or even an addiction counsellor. Someone who knows what you're going through and can coach you along the way.
I think you have a great opportunity with the two offers of sponsorship from your group. I know you're reluctant, but how great would it be for you to do something slightly out of your comfort zone and reach out to one of them? If you're feeling stagnant in your recovery, this may the next step for you.
But if you really aren't feeling the AA vibe (I tried AA years ago and never really took to it), at least consider some other type of group or even an addiction counsellor. Someone who knows what you're going through and can coach you along the way.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Dublin
Posts: 90
Thanks guys
maybe a steps or big book meeting would suit better than a general meeting, i find myself zoning out when others are offloading. The reason I felt uncomfortable calling either woman who gave me their numbers was because one was also a recovering drug addict,something Ive never been exposed to and was fearful of her background and the other one I dont know something just didnt sit right with me. maybe seeing an addiction councillor on a 1 to 1 basis might suit me more, ill make a few calls tomorrow and see what options are open to me.
I dont do many things to "treat myself " in the day as drink was what I thought was my treat. I exercise to tire myself out but just like newleaves ... I sleep long hours and night but still find waking hard in the morning.I work a fulltime job where I cannot and would not speak of my rehabilitation mainly because they wouldnt have been aware that i had a problem to start with. Im sitting here watching TV now its almost 7:30pm and the only "treat" as such that Ive had today was 2 finger of KitKat chocolate ... im not even a big chocolate eater ... just feel these days i should substitute the alcohol for something / anything.
is there much of a difference between a NORMAL AA meeting and a STEPS/BB one?
maybe a steps or big book meeting would suit better than a general meeting, i find myself zoning out when others are offloading. The reason I felt uncomfortable calling either woman who gave me their numbers was because one was also a recovering drug addict,something Ive never been exposed to and was fearful of her background and the other one I dont know something just didnt sit right with me. maybe seeing an addiction councillor on a 1 to 1 basis might suit me more, ill make a few calls tomorrow and see what options are open to me.
I dont do many things to "treat myself " in the day as drink was what I thought was my treat. I exercise to tire myself out but just like newleaves ... I sleep long hours and night but still find waking hard in the morning.I work a fulltime job where I cannot and would not speak of my rehabilitation mainly because they wouldnt have been aware that i had a problem to start with. Im sitting here watching TV now its almost 7:30pm and the only "treat" as such that Ive had today was 2 finger of KitKat chocolate ... im not even a big chocolate eater ... just feel these days i should substitute the alcohol for something / anything.
is there much of a difference between a NORMAL AA meeting and a STEPS/BB one?
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