6 months and I blew it
 

I wasn't stressed. I wasn't upset. I had it in my mind that I was going to go buy a pint of vodka and I did. I had no self control. Today I sit here reliving all of the hell I put myself and my family through. It wasn't worth it. It didn't feel good. The romance it once had was not there. I am not going back to that dark place again. I am so disappointed in myself. Back to square one.

Hi!

I did almost exactly the same thing. Didn't drink for almost 6 months, then suddenly decided that I deserved to relax and reward myself with a magnum bottle of red wine (my favorite drink). I was on a mission that day.

Afterwards I didn't feel good. As you say: the romance it once had was not there.

After that I had 2 more smallish relapses. Nothing terrible happened, but the spell is definitely broken and I don't enjoy drinking anymore.

Maybe you too can draw this kind of wisdom from what just happened to you? I find that my relapses were very helpful in making me realize that alcohol is poison.

You haven't lost what you learned that 6 months. Keep what works, add some other recovery tools, and get rid of what did not work. I am a retread also...but have over 2 years now. For me what helps is to take it one day at a time, remembering what it was like (consequences), prayer, SR, AA, sponsor, reading, music, writing, helping someone when I can and wanting to live right with God today.

Glad you shared...back to SR and willing to be sober.

You went 6 months with out drinking, and sounds like you learned something from your slip up. I wouldn't call that starting from square one. Take what you learnded and continue moving forward.

I can relate to you both.
I was seven months sober, and was at the laundromat. Convieneince store sold beer. Picked up a twelve pack and was back at it full bore in no time.

Never give up trying. I now have 25 months and a drink is the farthest thing from my mind, as long as I keep my house in order. I get a daily reprieive. And for that I am grateful.

Start again! There's no use beating yourself up over it.

Those six months are not wasted, use them as stepping stones to the knowledge you have now. Make this a learning situation and never forget the lesson that you took from it.

Today is a new day, with no mistakes in it. You CAN do this, and I believe that you will do it. I am rooting for you, soberred.

Try and find what was missing in your recovery and correct it. That worked for me.

Great that you're still trying very hard. Keep it up.

As far as which square you're on, this event may advance your understanding of what you're up against from square one to square two. So, perhaps some progress made overall.

Now you're aquainted with what people mean by 'strange blind spots', and 'drinking without any thought of our earlier ironclad decisions'.

Our little condition is really something else, isn't it?

I'm glad you're back and that you posted and I hope you get back on track quickly. :)

Just start over. Hugs

Glad you posted SR, I'm almost at 6 months, and have recently had temptations and drinking dreams from nowhere. I realized just this week that I can't just park my sobriety at the curb and go on with my life. I've got to keep it cognitive each day. I almost went with you, but I'm glad I didn't and I'm glad you are back. Learn by it, dust off your feet and walk with us once again.

Thanks lofty. Don't do it! It was so not worth it. I feel like garbage today. How soon we forget how bad the hangovers are. Not to mention I let myself down. :headbange

Should I tell my daughter
 

My 22 year old has been my support system. Should I tell her about my slip? It is going to hurt her so badly.

It's ok!! Relapse is often a part of recovery. Look how much you learned from it. Hell, I went almost 6 years then relapsed. Struggled on and off for 2 years...been sober now for about 9 months. You can do it!

Why don't you let some time go by first? Would it help her to tell her? Prob not. Are you in AA? Do you have a sponsor? I never thought I could do that route, but I'm in NA and I'm truly benefiting from it.

This disease is so cunning, baffling, and powerful.

I've done the same thing before to Red. Had it in my mind that I was going to the liqour store and getting something. Not once did it cross my mind what I was getting myself back into: the godawful hangovers, guilt and shame, etc.

I've learned from it. Gotta play that tape through.

God bless.

Soberred,

Thanks for the post. You had 6 months and you blew it. But today you helped me, by reminding me that vodka sucks. For that I am thankful, because sometimes I forget that.

I've had some long stretches of sobriety in the past, once had 5 1/2 years before I got complacent. The last time I drank vodka a few years ago I don't know what the hell happened. I took the cat to the vet for shots, for some reason I bought a bottle of vodka on the way home. So why did I do that, is taking the cat to the vet a trigger???

I finally realized I drink because I'm an alcoholic, no other reason is really needed. So, if I'm an alcoholic, where can I go for help? Light bulb flash - AA!

Hi, I'm sorry for your relapse and what you must be feeling now. I wonder, what was it that made you think it was ok to drink? Did you forget? Did you think that maybe you'd be fine if you just drank that one time? Today is day 25 for me, and I want this to be my life for years to come. It would help me greatly if I knew what you, and others, felt and thought when you decided to drink again, especially after such a long period of time.

Conversion to being a non-drinker is a process, a mental shift that takes time. You may slip, but the very worst thing that you can do is to be deferential to the slip - it does not have to redefine you or stunt your progress. It does not mean that you are less committed today to becoming a non-drinker than you were the day before you slipped.

That's the problem. I wasn't thinking of anything. I chose not to think of the consequences. :headbange