almost 4 months and relapsed
 

Hello,
Well, I decided to drink again after almost getting to 4 months, even was offered some pills and did them (did not enjoy that) . The resentments kicked my a.. I thought I would have seen more results, but it seemed like I was going in circles going nowhere. I have been constantly looking for work and was so frustrated, so sick and tired.. Have not used in 4 days now, so I have stopped. boy, this sucks again. I have a sponsor, was going to meetings, have a network. What is wrong with me? I was even seeing a therapist and was told I need to get out of myself, more service or even volunteering. Sorry, I could not do that - I felt real uncomfortable. This roller coaster life really sucks, but I guess I was again expecting too much out of recovery. sounds like wa,wa,wa.. but just telling it like it is. thanks for reading.

the getting out of ourselves piece is really important. yes, it feels uncomfortable at first but that's the point. we're so self-centered that doing for others is painful. but doing for others is a way to combat our self-centeredness.

Work the steps. That's where the change and freedom comes from.

Glad your back Petewill. It doesn't get any better out there does it?

I've gone back out after some sobriety in the past thinking it would be different. Yea, it's different, it's much worse! At least for me it was.

Doing stuff for others gets me out of my head. It may be uncomfortable at first, but it's more comfortable than being stuck with my thoughts, and it's defenately more comfortable than drinking and using drugs.

Have you started on the steps? That's where recovery is.

You gotta do whatever it takes.

God bless.

By volunteering you may meet some new contacts that will lead you to a paying job. It is a good way to network and also looks good on your resume to potential employers.
I would rethink doing that if I was you.
Glad you are back on the right track. Keep at it.

Dust yourself off and try again differently. Glad you came on here and shared and are 4 days clean and sober. Trial and error. :)

Thanks my friends. No, was definitely not any better out there. Luckily, I was able to put it down and just kind felt disgusted with it. I did physically, feel very well before drinking these last few months, so, waking up hungover was horrible. I even remember being in the bar going "how much this still sucks" Why can't i remember this stuff when I decide to want to drink?

Call sponsor & at least one other person daily. Work the steps.

You can stay stopped!

Great you're still trying. Keep after it.

My old counselor who is a Recovering Alcoholic of Sorts told me when I used to go to Counseling that if you use before you 6 months off of the stuff it really isn't considered a relapse cause we are not far enough away from the last time that we used. Although we do have to start counting our time again, starting over, I wouldn't put too much into it.

It is a process. I don't know a lot of people in Recovery that got in Recovery and never used again in their lives. H*ll my one sponsor that just recently died after 38 years of continuous sobriety, it took him 5 years he told me just to get a 30 day chip LOL so never give up.

Glad you're back. I'm not sure why some of us need to try it one more time....Thinking that it will be good again. It never is.

Sometimes it does feel as if we are doing EVERYTHING...and it's still not enough. Like someone said above, it's a process...as long as we don't give up, we WILL find the formula that works for us.

For some of us, looking at the BIG repercussions of using is most helpful,losing a job, car, relationship. For others of us remembering the smaller stuff...feeling like bloody **** after using, hating the way our breath or clothes smelled, the jitters or head aches.

Having things to look forward to has helped me. I plan a day trip, or set some money aside for something... if I use, or am hungover wasted, I won't be able to enjoy those things, so it's incentive.

And keep at the step work. I see to have to keep reviewing step 3. I lose trust, stop believing that if I turn things over something good will happen. I'm right smack back there again today.

We aren't beaten if we don't fold our cards.

Getting out of myself meant doing something
nice or curteous to someone else. Being kind
to someone. Maybe holding the door for someone,
smiling at a passer byer, wave hello, ask the person
next to you in a meeting if they'd like another
cup of coffee.....it's the little things that mean
alot.

I was a wife and mom when i got sober, so when
I returned from my 28 day rehab, staying sober
was top priority because if i didnt have that then
I had no me, no family, no life.

I worked my recovery program by going to meetings
and incorperating the steps and principles in my
everyday life as well as being a responsible adult,
mom and wife taking care of my little family to the
best of my ability.

I didnt look down the road to see what might happen
but rather stayed in the day. Concentrated on what
was right in front of me at that moment.

I listened, absorbed all I could understand in early
recovery and as time went on a day at a time slowly
I began to understand the program of recovery and
what alcoholism was and did to me an others around
me.

If i accomplished one thing that day, even if it meant
not drinking, then that was huge. The next day I repeated
the process and made a meeting or took the kids to
school, grocery shopped, anything big or small it was
an accomplishment.

Recovery is a journey of a lifetime with rewards and
gifts waiting for you.

I'm so glad u r back Pete. This bump in the road does not define u. I'm finding the things my therapist wants me to do uncomfortable as well but change is never cozy, good or. Bad. Hang in there!

I'm sorry to hear that Pete but I'm glad you're back.

I guess some of us need to best the lessons into ourselves a few more times than others.

I remember you got a lot of suggestions in the few threads you posted before your relapse - did you try any of them out?

D

Hi Pete,

It was uncomfortable for me too, but it was getting outside of myself doing volunteer work, that saved me. :)

I'm glad you're back.

Welcome back Pete. Sorry for what you went through. You never have to do that again. I was a slow learner - needed a few times back out to prove it wasn't a matter of willpower. I don't know why we always think it'll be different, that somehow we'll be in control - & enjoy it with no repercussions. You are now back, stronger for the lesson learned. Glad to see you Pete. :)

Pete,
Dust yourself off and get back in the ring! :)
I can relate to your experience. For me in the beginning of my using Alcohol and drugs helped me stay alive (as weird as that sounds), I was so depressed without it, I would have probably taken my own life. I was self medicating my life long depression. Of course pretty soon it stopped working and I was just going downhill.

For me, it took getting into intensive therapy, seeing a Doctor who specialized in Depression and Addiction. (Local universities usually have low to no cost resources available)
Going to at least one meeting a day,
Found a temporary sponsor to start working the 12 steps with.
Started exercising at least 20minutes a day,
Drinking lots of water,
Made a good attempt to try and get enough sleep.
Made sure to eat three meals a day at proper times.
Stopped hanging out with old "friends" if they wanted to get together I would suggest a Movie or a public Restaurant, I would not go back to there house or hang out in situations that would entice me to drink or use.
Volunteered, Tried to help others. Soup Kitchen, Hospital, etc. It got me out of my "head" (If Social Anxiety, is preventing you from Volunteering in person, you can always just Volunteer on line by helping people on this forum)
Wrote three items a day that I am grateful for.

I am proud to say that by following those specific items, I am a sober member of Society today with over 3 and 1/2 years of freedom from Alcohol and Drugs.
Of course everyone is different and may need more or less exercise or have a different "Recipe" for success. but I just wanted to share what helped me.

I wish you only the best, Please keep us posted!