desertsong

Today at AA, a long-time sober member ( 17+ years) approached me and had some wisdom for me. He said he'd been in and out of the rooms for many years and had observed many, many people during that time. He said he could always tell who was serious about getting sober and who wasn't. He came up to me today and told me that he has been watching the changes in me over the last 3+ weeks, and he really believes that I am going to make it. He said I look very different in comparison to how I looked when I first started AA 3 weeks ago (I look more healthy, more peaceful, and SOBER), and in listening to what I have shared during our meetings, he believes that I am one of the few who have passed through the AA doors that will truly succeed. I cannot tell you what a huge "back slap" that was for me.

I am one of those people who really needs the encouragement and reinforcement from other people. Some folks don't need that, and others aren't satisfied no matter how much support they get. I always thought that support from my family (husband, children) would be enough, but it wasn't. The support of my AA family has really been the "missing link" in my recovery ... it doesn't mean that my family's support is meaningless, but to receive encouragement and support from other "drunks" somehow means more to me. Does that make sense?

I'm curious as to what has made all of you want to maintain your sobriety. Are you doing it for you, for your family, for your financial security, or something else? Now that I'm sober, I'm having to take a very close look at my priorities, and I'm wondering what priorities are keeping you sober. I appreciate any sharing on this.

OCDDan

getting threatened with my job was the straw that broke the camel's back for me.

HenryKrinkle

This is so awesome desertsong! What a great, positive experience.

HenryKrinkle

I'm staying sober for my long term health. Up until now, I've always thought of myself as young and indestructible. I'm coming up on middle age, and just recently started thinking about getting old and not being in control of my health. I felt like I was destroying myself by drinking and setting myself up for big time health problems down the road. I feel like I have a second chance to become healthy and do the best I can at maximizing my health and putting myself in a good position to live a long life. I want my son to have his dad around for a long, long time.

So, in short, I'm maintaining my sobriety because I don't want to die young.

desertsong

Bless you, Henry. I will be 50 next month and it has caused me to take a long and "sober" look at my life. My children are 16 and 13, and my 13 year old has autism and will be disabled for the rest of his life. I used to bury my feelings about that in alcohol but I'm learning that I am much better as an advocate for him when I'm sober. For many years, I drowned my disappointment in him in alcohol ... blaming God, blaming my husband, blaming my genes, blaming ANYONE who would listen ... ultimately I realized, it is what it is. We are dealt cruel hands in life. Nobody "skates" through this journey ... we all have issues and disappointments and tragedies that we have to deal with. It was a culmination of crap that led me to realize that I was no different than anyone else. Yes, I had a child with autism. Yes, I had alcoholic parents who probably passed their disease (wittingly or unwittingly). So what? It is my choice, and only my choice, what my future will be written. Do I want my future to be a tragedy? Or a triumph? Can you guess what my choice is?

topspin

It's amazing how many of us who've "been there" can offer ideas that work well.

About "maintaining " sobriety; ....it's kind of a "all or nothing" situation for me.
Improved family relations, finances, fitness have eventually been a few of the results.

Overall, Peace of mind ( most of the time, anyway) is the biggest difference.


I've found the moral imperative not to live my old life as a problem drinker;
..extremely effective to naturally recoil from any present thoughts of using.

Wasn't much good to anyone, in any way, ........just existing, between bouts of drinking in the past.

After I quit, eventually I came to realize just how long it'd been since I was a highly "functioning " problem drinker.

Thanks for the post, .....you sound well.

Hevyn

desertsong - I'm sorry for all the things you've had to cope with. Your attitude is wonderful - be proud of that.

I was motivated by the fact that I wanted to live. Death was in the cards if I didn't sober up, since I'm 'older', too, and my body was worn out.

Ranger

Desertsong - Congratulations on your sober time and the complement you recently received. I am happy for you.

What keeps me sober is prioritizing my status as a nondrinker.

What keeps me happily sober is prioritizing unselfishness, which can be a real challenge for this self-centered ex-drunk. The AA steps are tailor-made for ego deconstruction, which--in my eyes--is at once beautiful, brilliant, and daunting.

Anna

My initial motivation was that I wanted to live, too.

But, I soon began to realize that I LOVED the peace that I had found in my life and I wasn't about to let it go.

My children and my grandchildren have motivated me.

quitforme79

Love your post desertsong. You sound so self aware and strong and it inspires me I am/was motivated to stop because I was so sad and miserable I couldn't bear it. I also was focusing on my addict bf (now ex) my addict father, brother and mother (yeh I know haha) Nevermind the anxiety and physical symptoms I was suffering. I still get anxious, I still feel sad but as the fog lifts I am starting to prioritize and set appropriate boundaries with certain people in my life. Today, I caught myself about to blow my tax return on a plane ticket to see friends. Yet everyday I am concerned about my finances and trying to get out of the "debt hole". Yeh, they will be disappointed I can't visit but I have to do what's best for my peace of mind. I know I am rambling but what I am trying to say is that I am working on changing my behavior of doing things to make others happy and/or to stop worrying about everyone else. These friends I was going to see haven't once yet offered to fly to visit me...it's time to be selfless. Ahhh...sweet recovery

Threshold

My motivation is that I don't want to be someone pathetic that I have no respect for.

HenryKrinkle

I'm hoping to get to where you are one day myself.

Sapling

I'm doing it strictly for me...Because I know taking alcohol out of my life will make everything and everyone around me better. Following the program of AA and taking the 12 steps and applying them to my life is truly a miracle for me. Nothing changes if nothing changes....Those 12 steps changed everything for me...And the more I practice it...The better it gets. It's truly an amazing program...Hard to describe really....I guess you just have to experience it to know.

MustStop

Stabilize my life, get a new career going, new place to live, loving relationship.

straykatz

Thats a very good, thought provoking question. Im doing it for both myself and my marriage. I am so lucky that I havent lost a job, injured myself or someone else in a car accident or lost my wife who didnt know she was marrying an alcolohic when we got married 7 yrs ago (1st marriage for both of us). Im soon to be 49 and how embarrassing would it be to die of cirrociss of the liver and how heartbreaking would it be for my wife to give up and leave me because of my drinking? I really feel like this is a second chance........

CaiHong

Hi Desertsong,

That message from an AA member would have been encouraging. I think he is right.

Funny although I am only near 8 months sober, I can't remember exactly what motivated me to get sober. I wanted a complete change, I was sick of myself.

Sobriety has given me that change and peace of mind so that I can get on with life. It has also taken away the depression I had suffered from due, I think to the alcohol.

Problems that would overwhelm me don't anymore, I just go into action instead of drinking and procrastinating over them.

All the best
CaiHong

Dee74

like so many others here, I started because I didn't want to die - now I stay in recovery because I want to really live

D

jocata

I got tired of the dreadful shame, and guilt. It went against every moral fiber in my being. We all have the potential to be so much more, and I was so much less when I was drunk or stoned.
Living life is tough, but it is so fulfilling when you are doing things that you know are right. In my addictions, I was doing things that I know were wrong, but kept on doing them anyway.
I was spiritually and emotionally dead, and I was slowly dying physically.

I want to live life, all of it, good and bad, sober.

I want to grow old with my wife.

I want to watch my children grow, and be their for them.

I want to help others who suffer from this insidious disease.

I want to live like I haven't lived before!!

Thanks dessersong. Your posts help me daily. I'm so glad you on this journey.

God bless.

raindancer11

Really enjoyed this thread, desertsong. Thanks!

I just couldn't feel anything. I was losing the ability to even feel shame and guilt. It was a very rough life. Feeling sick regularly, not able to do what my kids needed. I was dragging others down with me. That was probably my biggest motivator. I couldn't be part of destroying the lives of others, especially little ones who couldn't choose and were stuck with the parent they got.

least

i was not a very good dog mom to my three rescues, one of whom had special needs. i wanted to give them the care they deserved and needed. and their happy healthy faces are my daily reward for staying sober.