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Old 01-23-2012, 04:45 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Drinking "buddy" question...


I had a question for those that had roommates or significant others that they drank with? When you quit how was the first little while...

I am sitting here, and we're both not drinking but we are both not talking either...we usually can't shut up when we are drinking so I am confused...do we just not have anything in common or are we dealing with feeling everything in the NOW without being intoxicated? We said maybe a total of 10 sentences to each other in the past 2 hours...
It's weird...and kinda worrying..not sure if anyone else has gone through this before?

Maybe it's just a short-term thing...until we get comfortable not drinking with each other ... I don't know...
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Old 01-23-2012, 04:49 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Has this boyfriend always been a drinking buddy? What else do you have in common?

Peace & Love,
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Old 01-23-2012, 04:58 PM   #3 (permalink)
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My husband was my drinking buddy for many years. I'm sober now, but he's still drinking, so instead of hanging out at the house with me, he goes to the bar where he can be with other drunks. It hurts me, but I have to remember that my sobriety is my only concern, and I am only responsible for ME. I am trying to be an example to my husband by living a sober, happy life without regrets. He is seeing this and told me just last night that my sobriety was "inspirational" to him. I hope so. I can't change him, I can only change myself. But my prayer is that my sobriety will be an inspiration to him. He has already told me that it is. Our alcoholic partners see us getting sober and being happy, and they can't help but want what we have. But we have to know that we can't change them. We can only hope and pray that they will be inspired by our different way of life. Pray for him ... pray for your relationship ... pray that God will change his way of thinking about his drinking. As an alcoholic myself, I know that NOBODY could have told me what to do about my drinking ... I had to learn it for myself the hard way. My husband has been drinking WAY longer than I have, so lecturing him will have no effect whatsoever. Step back ... focus on YOUR sobriety ... and let God do the rest.
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Old 01-23-2012, 05:36 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Bayliss,
Y'all are both experiencing such radical life changes; . it'll probably take four times the patience, early on.

(two squared)

Do you guys have individual plans on how-to work on those changes ?

I've heard it can work out well, .....when you both keep moving forward.


Hang in there, it'll def. get better !?!!
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Old 01-23-2012, 05:45 PM   #5 (permalink)
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what Top said...

not drinking for people like us is a huge change - if you're in a relationship in which drinking's been a huge part, thats going to be exponentially even more of a huge change.

It will take time and patience Bayliss

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Old 01-23-2012, 06:04 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I lived with room mates back when I was living on my own. They all drank.To be honest I never really talked to them when I was sober. I was busy being miserable and jealous that they could drink and not me. I remember always getting grouchy to myself whenever my landlord was getting ready to party as I headed out to my night shift. It was a hard thing to deal with because I felt I didnt belong. Even though the very beginning when I first moved in everything seemed fine. Well not exactly fine. my landlord was late on my moving day because she was out with her mom and yes she was drinking. She even admitted she had a couple of wines but nothing serious. Father said there was no drinking from me. But of course within a week I was at it again and everything was "fun" landlord and room mates and I had a blast supposedly. One room mate who joined us in April 2011 was a daily drinker. And I know he's an alcoholic. He drank beer everyday but not to the point of hammered. Always offered me a beer and when I tried to stay sober I always managed to say no thanks but then the temptation rose more and more until one night he asked me again and I said sure. But when I wasn't drinking he kept to himself in the basement room (He moved out once I moved into the basement later on) There was no conversation when sober. But when drunk I always hung with him before going out.

Another past example was with my old friend who was also a drinking friend. We'd have a blast and talk the night away while really hammered. One time we even stayed up till 6am drinking, went to sleep for 3 hours, woke up hung over and slightly drunk still and drank more. But.... when I was trying to stay sober and I tried to have a friendship with him without booze we were the same like you... we sat there in my parents basement and didn't speak much, we had no idea what to talk about and it was boring. But then I was at it again a month later and we had a blast again... well I did. I was getting progressively worse. I was starting to be a jerk and got mad at alot of things.

As for suggestions. I haven't a clue. My friendship with that guy ended because it was all we knew, was to drink and chat. nothing more. So I don't know what to say. Are you both in the program? maybe if you both went to aa and figure things out it might help a bit until you get past the haze of being newly sober.
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Old 01-23-2012, 06:30 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Hi, no advice here but I can certainly symphathize. I spent time with a "drinking buddy" recently that is/was very special to me and we had next to nothing to talk about, without the booze. Incredibly heartbreaking for me, and I had to wonder if this is worth it. Hang in there, hopefully you'll find that you still have other things in common and your love/feelings for eachother is real.
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Old 01-23-2012, 09:15 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Thanks everyone for their posts.
Let me get into this a teensy bit (I am still up! usually I am drunk and passed out by 10pm and it's after midnight)...
The boyfriend doesn't have a problem with alcohol the way that I do. He can seriously have one glass of wine or one beer and be alright with it, he can go a week without booze at all without second-guessing it...and I can't. I am thinking about booze all day, all night, when I can get my next fix of the vino, etc, etc.
I tried to drink some white tonight, not going to lie, but he refused to pick some up (no money) and I cried (before he got home) and I looked in the mirror and thought how ridiculously pathetic I was that I got mad at my boyfriend...but then felt a sense of weird calm and just went with it and instead perused self help forums online and thought to myself "what the he** am I doing getting mad at the man I love because we don't have money for booze??" that is the addict that was talking before, that got super pissed...definitely the addictive voice...
Maybe it was me...maybe it was my wild mood swing because I couldn't have booze that I didn't talk...I was mad...sad, I know...
Our entire relationship hasn't been centred around alcohol. It's funny because in the morning and during the day it's different...we laugh and talk and make fun of eachother and just have a good time...it's when night fall rolls around and there is no booze then it's quiet.
I was just curious if it was the relationship...or if it is ME...because I am really thinking that my anxiety totally gets in the way. When I get anxious or I get OCD spikes I totally shut myself off from the world because I don't want a panic attack or anything...and...I have come to the realization that I don't drink because I like the taste...I may like the buzz, of course...but I do it to not feel.
I guess we will see how it goes as the week progresses.
It was a quiet night for sure...but it was nice...I am so tired, but I can't fall asleep...
I guess in the morning I will wake up...I will know I didn't say or do anything stupid and he as well...and he will go to work rested and I will get prepared for my work interview (wish me luck).

I'll keep you posted on how night #2 goes...
Doesn't help that the bf is engrossed in his NHL12 game (lol!) so no wonder we don't talk! Haha. Maybe...who knows.
I know that I want to work on this. I love him A LOT...and maybe we will rekindle that first year love and all that jazz.

Thanks guys.
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Old 01-23-2012, 10:40 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I say stick with it no matter what, and if you guys are all good during the day it's probably you dealing with withdrawal and over analyzing everything. Believe me I know what it's like. It'll get better. It just seems weird right now, but just go with it and really, find other stuff to do. It works. Do stuff on your own away from him, or fun stuff together that will distract you. But don't sit around listening to the silence.
It's all good! Things will normalize. This happened with my bf too. It CAN be fun without booze.
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Old 01-24-2012, 03:56 AM   #10 (permalink)
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I know that I am a yakadoodle when I am drinking so maybe before you were doing most of the talking too.
My wife is happy for the peace and quiet when I am not.
Don't know if this is the case with you and your boyfriend but it is a possibility. Maybe it is something you can talk to him about.
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Old 01-24-2012, 06:45 PM   #11 (permalink)
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It's true...I do most of the talking so he is probably content with the fact that my yap is shut (lol)...but he responded at times...I am not sure...not too much talking tonight either...we went out tonight to sell an appliance that we put out for sale...we did chat a bit in the car...but than it got quiet...and then not a whole lot happened after that...by that point though it got to the 5-6pm time...the time we begin to drink...
Tonight is okay...pissy though. :/
I think I will just shut up the rest of the night, read a book and go to bed...we both seem to be in a bad mood tonight. Lol.
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Old 01-24-2012, 07:06 PM   #12 (permalink)
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One of the true signs you have a good relationship is the ability to have a comfortable silence, IMO. Booze makes us talk all sorts of crap for the sake of it, enjoy the silence, it doesn't have to be filled.
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Old 01-24-2012, 07:34 PM   #13 (permalink)
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So from my understanding, tonight is #2 of sobriety?? The first week for me was hanging on to the thought of 'knowing I SHOULD stay sober' into 'knowing I NEEDED to stay sober' each and everyday. We alcoholics hang on to the "good things"(false realities) of alcohol - such as being more "happy" or "talkative" or "social". When we are actively 'using' we alcoholics tell ourselves those things everyday. It seems like you are looking for a reason to drink, say? Hey, we are all different but all the same here....I'm on day #36. Did alcohol cross my mind today? Yes, I am not going to lie. Some days are a breeze, others are not. It gets better and better, but taking each day at a time is the key focus
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