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Old 01-22-2012, 12:21 PM   #1 (permalink)
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My Update


I am on day 22 of being sober. I donít have the urge to drink, but I was kind of expecting that. My big struggle will come after 6-12 months out when I have been sober for a while. I will be feeling good and my Addictive Voice will try and tell me I never had a problem before and I an go back to drinking and do it in moderation. I know that is not the case, and I will have to fight that battle.

Iím reading ďRational Recovery: The new Cure...Ē, and it is making sense to me. Iíve been thinking about checking out SMART Recovery too. RR seems to be pretty down on meetings, but for me, finding others and talking about what we are going through seems like it would help.

I have lost 14 pounds since quitting drinking. Some of that is from getting rid of the beer, some is due to all of the walking I have been doing to clear my head, and some of it is due to decreased appetite from all of the anxiety, worry, and uncertainty of the last 3 weeks.

My biggest issue right now is battling the severe anxiety and depression I am feeling. I started taking Buspar for anxiety a few weeks ago, but I had a bad reaction to it and wanted to stop, so I did so. I went to my GP last week and got a prescription for Celexa (10mg). It seems like it maybe working, but it is really too early to tell for sure. Iím hoping the doc ups the dose when I talk to her next. Iím really up and down. Feeling good one moment and really sad and anxious the next. It is truly a roller coaster right now. This upcoming Wednesday I will start seeing an therapist for anxiety once a week. Iím hoping this will help a lot.

I have to be honest: sometimes I avoid coming to SR because I am feeling so down in the dumps that reading about other peoples struggles and problems pushes me further and further into the abyss. Sometimes I just need to fill my brain with positive thoughts in order to feel better. That seems selfish to me, but I am really trying to suck it up and be around here as much as possible.

Right now, every day is a battle for me. Not to avoid alcohol, but to try and claw through the depression and hopelessness. I read Carolís PAWS article frequently, which reminds me that this will take some time to get through and I can only look forward to a day when I will feel better. I have to keep reminding myself that all of the pain and hard work is to get to a better place where I can feel the best I can possibly feel and I can start living life again.
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ďBeing a Humanist means trying to behave decently without expectation of rewards or punishment after you are dead.Ē
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Old 01-22-2012, 12:27 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Congrats on your sobriety! At the end when you mention how that might be selfish cause you feel somewhat guilty for doing things to make you feel better than listening somewhat to others problems.

Quote:
I have to be honest: sometimes I avoid coming to SR because I am feeling so down in the dumps that reading about other peoples struggles and problems pushes me further and further into the abyss. Sometimes I just need to fill my brain with positive thoughts in order to feel better. That seems selfish to me, but I am really trying to suck it up and be around here as much as possible.
My old counselor used to tell me, Selfish is Self-Care. You have to take care of yourself and your needs before you can be any good to anyone else.

You have 21 days today sober and clean.

What a miracle.
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Old 01-22-2012, 01:36 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Glad things are going well for you and you are feeling positive forward motion in your life.

I'd suggest you don't anticipate knowing what recovery is going to look and feel like for you. There is no set schedule, etc. Sure, read, learn but stay open minded. Don't expect boogie monsters to show up, or show up on schedule.

Things will happen, both encouraging and discouraging, and you will be ready and able to address them all!

You've got a great attitude, a program and lots of support here. Thanks for sharing your journey with us.
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Old 01-22-2012, 01:48 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Congratulations on 22 days!! I've been on anti-d's a few times, and it took 2-3 weeks before they kicked in.

22 days is great, but it's still early recovery. What I was feeling at a month is nothing like what I was feeling at 6 months (better). I think if it had been easy, I'd never have stayed in recovery. I would have been the one that said "oh, THAT was easy..I can do that over and over"..not.

I'm glad you are working with your GP and are aware of your "normal" struggles later on down the road. Just knowing stuff, for me has helped me to beef up the support around those times.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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