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out of my comfort zone...

Old 01-22-2012, 08:57 AM
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out of my comfort zone...

This may sound crazy, but I feel so weird not drinking in the evenings...Not so much physically but mentally.... Drinking and smoking at night is my comfort zone....it's where I feel safe....While I know that drinking is NOT safe, for some reason I feel some sort of comfort about my little spot that I would hang out at on my back porch with my beer or glass of wine, my cigarettes and my laptop....It was where I escaped....

Now, I just don't know what to do...I can tell myself to do a thousand things like read a book, play with the kids, clean the house, catch up on my DVR shows, go to the gym, etc...but for some reason I don't feel normal doing those things. I can do them during the day, but at night it feels like like I am missing an old friend or something...and it's sad to say what I am missing out on is the very thing that is destroying me.

How can I get past this??? How can I feel normal at night again with out the poison? I feel like I am in mourning or something.
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Old 01-22-2012, 09:21 AM
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TIME

You did that for years, that is what your brain knows. You have to teach it to learn and act different. Keep doing what your doing , the mircale doesnt happen over nite.

Keep coming here reading and posting your feelings, and think about something such as meetings at nite. I go every nite and they really relieve my crazy thinking.

Good love, Inda
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Old 01-22-2012, 10:30 AM
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I'm with Inda. It takes time and getting to a better place can take some work and perseverance. I am struggling with it too.

Going for walks helps me tremendously. It never seems like a good thing at the time, but I make myself do it. Once I get out and do it, and get the endorphins going, I always feel better.

Keep pushing through this jwolf. You can do it.
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Old 01-22-2012, 10:35 AM
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I agree it is like mourning a loss. I was also an evening drinking (after I cut down that is )
I still struggle but like everything when we change it takes time for "us" to catch up 1
It will get better , each day for me is slightly easier than the last. You can do this jwolf . xAx
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Old 01-22-2012, 10:43 AM
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(((jwolf))) - when I began recovery, it seemed like everything (other than using) was uncomfortable. It takes time, and I eventually realized that my zone was an UNcomfortable comfort zone. I used one thing or another for years and changing it wasn't easy, but it was definitely worth it.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 01-22-2012, 10:44 AM
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How can I get past this??? How can I feel normal at night again with out the poison? I feel like I am in mourning or something.

You are mourning, as the days pass, you'll move on. Took me quite a while. Sobriety is better. You'll make it.
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Old 01-22-2012, 11:05 AM
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Originally Posted by jwolf View Post
This may sound crazy, but I feel so weird not drinking in the evenings...Not so much physically but mentally.... Drinking and smoking at night is my comfort zone....it's where I feel safe....While I know that drinking is NOT safe, for some reason I feel some sort of comfort about my little spot that I would hang out at on my back porch with my beer or glass of wine, my cigarettes and my laptop....It was where I escaped....

Now, I just don't know what to do...I can tell myself to do a thousand things like read a book, play with the kids, clean the house, catch up on my DVR shows, go to the gym, etc...but for some reason I don't feel normal doing those things. I can do them during the day, but at night it feels like like I am missing an old friend or something...and it's sad to say what I am missing out on is the very thing that is destroying me.

How can I get past this??? How can I feel normal at night again with out the poison? I feel like I am in mourning or something.
You are in mourning. Your old life, as bad as it is/was is dying, and we are sad.

j, everything that you describe is what we all went through in the beginning.. it will pass.

I found it very comforting to be in the company of other drunks who had sobered up before me and were encouraging me to carry on. Without that personal touch (God working through people) I know I would have failed.

You are right where you are supposed to be, and it is the most unnatural place for an alcoholic to be.

Are you going to AA meetings?

Bob R.
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Old 01-22-2012, 12:22 PM
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Originally Posted by jwolf View Post

How can I get past this??? How can I feel normal at night again with out the poison? I feel like I am in mourning or something.
In all our Reality and Your reality you are Mourning.

I don't know about you but my Disease (Addiction / Alcoholism) was my best friend (or so I thought) for all of my life. When we finally see that our relationship is over, it is no different than a relationship with a spouse or anything else. It is a disaster and we feel terrible.

Just don't let those feelings take you back out. This is your Chance (no pun intended) to shine like a star and show others how to get through the darkest of days and nights.
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Old 01-22-2012, 01:23 PM
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It takes time to get used to a new normal, jwolf. Like others have said, you are mourning and it take a bit to get through that. The good news is that you can speed up this uncomfortable process by consciously developing new habits and interests. If you find yourself just wandering around looking for something to do during the times you would normally drink then of course drinking is going to be forefront on your mind because you're bored... I know that before I got a new evening routine down I had this nagging feeling like, aren't I supposed to be doing something right now? What kind of things do you like to do?
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Old 01-22-2012, 02:03 PM
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Thanks everyone!

Bob R, I went to a meeting last night. I will go to one tomorrow as well and try to get to them when I can...I have my kids every other week and it's hard to find a sitter. When I can't go, I will come on here for support.

GirlFromCO,
I honestly have NO IDEA what I like to do!! I have been drinking for so long and that is what I like to do. Anytime I would have down time I would grab a drink....I need to rediscover myself again. I think back on what I used to like to do before alcohol, but I don't remember. The ONLY thing that has kept me sane over the last few days is cooking. I do love to cook!! I have been cooking like a madwoman....but that gets really expensive! More expensive than drinking...So, at this point all I have done is come onto SR, cook and watch TV on my downtime.
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Old 01-22-2012, 02:14 PM
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I remember when I first quit and got over the worst of the physical effects - I was so amazed at how much time there is in a day. Getting drunk, sleeping, and recovering the next day were the main events in my life and certainly the only routine, lol. SOOO glad it's over and I have a life now! When I was drinking, I was really resentful of people around me who were getting things done like graduate degrees, families, big creative projects or traveling or volunteering. I always thought about how I had thought about doing whatever it was for years and the I would get all p***** off at the people who were actually accomplishing those things (makes LOTS of sense, right? LOL). Now that I'm sober with all this free time and an attitude of gratitude, I find myself getting a ton of important stuff done. I actually have stuff to talk about when I hang out with my friends instead of listening to all the awesome things other people have done that I could've

Anyway I guess what I'm saying is that this is a really good time to dream big Sky's the limit!
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Old 01-22-2012, 02:20 PM
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I know exactly how you feel. I have things I want to do in the evenings but I just can't seem to do them. I'm stuck feeling regretful that I can't drink.
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Old 01-22-2012, 02:33 PM
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It took me awhile to get past the boredom. I really didn't realize there was so much more to do than drink! I found hobbies that I never considered since years ago like sports, arts and crafts, movies. There's so much out there but you have to get past the mourning and then start replacing those drink times with other fun hobbies. Give it time, it really does come.
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Old 01-22-2012, 02:44 PM
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I totally remember when I realized I had NO CLUE as to what I liked to do before addiction. I was used to the high-drama life of being a crackhead, and my life seemed totally boring.

I was lucky to see pictures posted by ((Ann)) and it reminded me..oh yeah, I'm nowhere near being a professional photographer, but I did always like taking pictures. I got a simple point-and-shoot camera, started carrying it around with me. I even used it to take pictures of stuff I found to be grateful for..flowers on the side of the road, little baby goats in a field by my house, etc. It's like it gave me a reason to look for things to be grateful for?

Some time later (okay a LOT of time later) someone posted about crafts. Oh yeah, I used to love to do counted-cross-stitch. Have only done one piece in 5 years, but yeah..I totally loved doing it and how the relatives I did it for loved it.

I'm also back in school...at 50 Always did good at it, ruined my nursing career thanks to addiction, but working toward another career. This will be my 3rd associate's degree, first while in recovery.

My point is, I had no clue what I liked. I just read about what others were doing, and something clicked. I've even discovered a few new interests in recovery.

The boredom, the wondering "what do I DO with myself" I think is normal. I'm just grateful to other people posting about the same thing, others posting about what they enjoyed, as it really did help.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 01-22-2012, 03:18 PM
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Originally Posted by jwolf View Post
This may sound crazy, but I feel so weird not drinking in the evenings...Not so much physically but mentally.... Drinking and smoking at night is my comfort zone....it's where I feel safe....While I know that drinking is NOT safe, for some reason I feel some sort of comfort about my little spot that I would hang out at on my back porch with my beer or glass of wine, my cigarettes and my laptop....It was where I escaped.... Now, I just don't know what to do...I can tell myself to do a thousand things like read a book, play with the kids, clean the house, catch up on my DVR shows, go to the gym, etc...but for some reason I don't feel normal doing those things. I can do them during the day, but at night it feels like like I am missing an old friend or something...and it's sad to say what I am missing out on is the very thing that is destroying me. How can I get past this??? How can I feel normal at night again with out the poison? I feel like I am in mourning or something.
OMG, I was just outside walking my dog and I had the very same feelings! In fact I was thinking to myself how I miss my friend (the drink) Its what I did for so many years, I do miss it but not all the stuff that comes along with it the next day. I to would sit on my deck or down by the fireplace in the evenings and drink and puff away. Daytime no problem the evenings I do get that old yearning of my drinking time...I so know how you feel, I'm glad to see I am not the only one with these feelings. ..We just gotta hang in tough Thanks for sharing
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Old 01-22-2012, 03:44 PM
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I know how you feel jwolf. This last time before I got sober, I smoked weed daily all day. I couldn't do anything without being high. Couldn't work without being high, play with my kids, go to the store, watch tv, read, everything.

It was very strange and uncomfortable at first, and still is sometimes. But I'm finally starting to get comfortable in my own skin.

OK with being OK, if that makes sense.

I used to love being outdoors when I was high, but now I love it even more being clean and sober. All my senses are coming back online. I can really enjoy God's creation with clarity and depth that I never could while stoned or drunk.

It takes time and practice and patience, but you'll get there.

God bless.
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Old 01-22-2012, 04:17 PM
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Yes, it's learning to live all over again.

You'll find yourself more comfortable as time goes by.
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Old 01-22-2012, 04:29 PM
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I've been dealing with the exact same issue, Jwolf. What to do with all this free time I now have? It used to be easy. I just drank, and the evening took care of itself. But now that I'm trying to stay sober (I've got nine days so far), it feels as if there's nothing to do. Drinking was my main activity every evening. Everything else was secondary.

I've been doing a lot of cooking, same as you. As, just as you said, it seems to be more expensive than drinking (not to mention weight gain). But no matter how bad the cravings at night are, the sense of relief at waking up sober and having gone one more day without booze is priceless. Like everyone else hear has said (advice I need to take for myself) things are going to take time.

Stay positive and good luck.
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Old 01-22-2012, 05:24 PM
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Hi jwolf. Everyone beat me to it - I was going to say there is a grieving process we go through. It is the death of our old life, however awful it may have ended up. It's what we're used to and what we stubbornly clung to for so long. It's true that time is the thing that will heal you. You'll go through many stages as you get well - but you will come out into the sunshine once again. Don't be discouraged - this is normal, and it will get easier.
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Old 01-22-2012, 05:48 PM
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THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for all of your replies!!!! I am so glad to know that there are others out there who can relate to how I am feeling!!! I know it is going to take some time....and I know I will be okay. I am so grateful for finding this support group, you guys are amazing!!!
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