PurpleCat

I understand. Obviously, my name isn't really Purple Cat but I wouldn't be caught dead using my real name here - or in any on-line forum. I have my Facebook as tightly private as I can. I even went around at one point to all those "white pages" and "find me" kind of sites and opted out of them - and continue to do so when I run across them. Who I am on the internet, and where I live, is my information to share, not some company on the Web's.

Sapling

I don't care what your name is...Or where you are from. For me...The FIRST thing I had to do was get honest with myself. It seems like that's what you are trying to do. And you are right...It's not a joke....It's about as serious as a problem that you can ever deal with...Because it makes all your other problems so much worse. Once I figured out what my problem was....Was honest with myself about it...It made it easier for me to deal with it. I had to find a way to solve it. I'm not going to tell you what is going to work for you...That's your job. But you better start doing some serious research and find something.....Because I can tell you it doesn't get better. Nothing good in life comes easy...I'd get to work.

Complexiti

What on earth do you think I am doing then by coming on here? Isn't that trying to help myself? Because if you think I am doing nothing but sitting on my a$$ expecting everyone here to help me then you are very much mistaken.

What do you want me to do? "Serious research"? I am fully aware of what alcohol has done to my body and what will happen if I do not stop drinking - I'm not a child I'm an old person who has been abusing my body for a very long time. Not all the time as I've gone months when I haven't drunk anything and my drinking has always been in bouts of a day, two days, maybe three, then nothing for a week or more and sometimes for months with nothing to drink then it starts again slowly with just a bottle of wine then it increases.

I came here to admit that I am an alcoholic and I am doing my best to overcome it so please don't start on me about doing research and find something because what do you think I am supposed to find?

I read what you post and it makes me think sod it he doesn't care so why should I. Go do serious research? Research into what? What the poison is doing to my body? I already know that which is why I sought out a place like this. "Get to work" get to work on what? What what what? Sounds to me that you don't want me to stop drinking. Sounds to me that you think I shouldn't be here. Sounds to me that maybe you're right and I have come to the wrong place. Sounds to me that you want me to give in and go and buy a bottle and drink myself into oblivion.

You got any more bright suggestions for me?

purplepixie

You're very touchy Complexiti and maybe a tad paranoid...I know the first few days are hard but people are only trying to help you in any way they can. Sometimes we have to hear things we don't like, people saying 'aww poor you' doesn't get anyone anywhere. I wish you good luck in your efforts to stop drinking

Maxxy

I've sent you a private message Complexeti.

I cannot believe purplepixie that your post is allowed to stand You're very touchy Complexiti and maybe a tad paranoid

some support that is.

I've found myself a UK CBT based group. Nobody need give their life's details and nobody need be made to feel bad about anything.

I wish you all luck in your sobriety. Allan from Manchester and Gal Friday, thinking of you both xx

purplepixie

Maxxy, Why should my post be not allowed to stand?...my opinion is just as valid as yours and quite frankly I think brutal honesty is a lot more helpful than *****-footing around people

Support comes in many different forms and just because I happen to think Complexiti needs to open up more doesn't mean he has to listen to me...it's just my opinion and I have every right to it. I don't see what that has to do with you, if Complexiti wants to disagree with me then he can do it himself

BillyPilgrim

Thanks for your kind words Maxxie, just come back from AA meet, we had a talk from an aussie guy and his recovery. The whole world of AA and SR amazes me with the support and inspiration you receive from talking to people. I feel a million times better than I did last week, I have had a week free of booze, and better still a weekend free of booze, and I know I am going to have another weekend the same way. Another meet tomorrow lunch.
Hope you are doing well
Allan

Sapling

When I said you might want to do a little research...I wasn't talking about what alcohol has done to you...It was more along the lines of what are you going to do when hoping and praying doesn't work. If it was that easy...It wouldn't be a problem. Best o0f luck to you complexity...I hope and pray you find something that works for you.

Dee74

I'd like everyone to chill out.
If a post is still here, it's not breaking the rules in my opinion. Case closed.

This constant bickering about what constitutes support is seriously derailing what should be a supportive thread.

If you think a post breaks our rules - please report it.

Use the report button and let the staff handle it.

Sometimes other people's approaches, although well-meaning, may not be welcomed by you.

If there are people here who push your buttons, for whatever reason, use the ignore function

I hope we can all move on now and get back to the OP's posts.

D

GirlFromCO

Hi Complexiti,

How are things going for you today? How many days have you been able to stay away from alcohol? Seems like you have been doing a really good job so far. Have you been able to branch out a bit and read some of the other threads here? I think you'll find that there are many people who have gone through what you are going through right now, and many who are currently struggling as you are. We're here for you

Hevyn

Hello Complexiti - I somehow missed your first posts. I hope you're feeling better and stronger by now. We care about you and would like to know how you're doing.

Complexiti

I don't believe in using an ignore function on a forum as I prefer to know what people are saying rather than get the feeling that they are talking behind my back if I can't read what they say.

There have been many supportive posts on this thread - there have also been some which I felt were almost goading me to go on, go and get another bottle, you know you want to.

You know what? I don't feel welcome here now. I didn't come looking for sympathy or any sort of hand-holding but I didn't expect some of the comments which I feel were unnecessarily harsh.

And you won. I went and bought a litre of vodka and am already half way through it. It tastes foul and I feel sick as hades and I know I will feel even worse after I have finished it and the withdrawal starts again.

So I reckon best thing for me is to thank those of you who have been so supportive, and leave this board.

Complexiti

Sapling

Sorry to see you are drinking...Sorry to see you are leaving....But I have a hard time feeling sympathy for someone not at least trying to help themself. You've said you can't go to a doctor...Can't go to a meeting...You can't even read other threads where people talk about how they have recovered...You don't ask how people have recovered. I don't know what kind of support you are looking for...Or even if you are. You can blame this cycle you are in on anything you want...But getting out of it and solving your problem starts with you. Taking some kind of action and not figuring out ways why you can't do it. It's an inside job. If you don't do it yourself....It ain't gonna happen.

Dee74

I'm sorry you feel that way complexiti and I'm sorry you decided to make that decision and drink.

I did it myself many times - when I felt let down or misunderstood - and I felt that way a lot. I was angry, I was discriminated against, my crippled body betrayed me, I was lonely, I was scared, I was in physical or emotional pain.

The reason was immaterial tho. I made the choice to turn around and go back the way I came.

I still have those triggers - every damn day. But I make better choices now.

I should have looked for solutions.
But I went for the bandaid.

It's simply not fair to blame anyone here. People took time out to post to you, to try and help.

You don't have to like everything that was said, but I think you should at least acknowledge that

We didn't win. We haven't been fighting against you.
I think you maybe fighting against yourself tho?

I get that too - deeply.

I hope you stop - and I hope we'll see you again

D

Complexiti

I have never asked for sympathy, but I will not say where I live. I cannot go to meetings because I live in the middle of nowhere and there are no meetings unless I spend a fortune paying for a taxi to take me to a major city and then bring me home. My pension would not cover that and please do not try to tell me that I can pay for a taxi if I do not buy a bottle of booze because the cost for a taxi to take me to the nearest major city where there are meetings is nearly half a month's rent on my home.

That is for one journey there and to bring me back home, only I am a physically handicapped cripple in a power wheelchair and have you any idea what it is like to try and get transport anywhere? You can't. You can't get a power wheelchair in a regular taxi so you would have to try and find a special one with a lift for the chair, and you know what? There aren't any such things here.

I can get to my doctor when the doctor is here but there is no doctor here all the time, just for a couple of hours a couple of times a week. What can my doctor do? Nothing. Because where I live there is nowhere to get help.

You can believe me or not, it is not important to me what you think. But you really have been and still are rather unpleasant to me and I have no idea why. Is it because I refuse to say where I live?

Do they ask you your real name and where you live if you go to an AA meeting?

Or do they just accept that you are who you say you are and that you are an alcoholic?

Or maybe you are correct and I am just another drunken CIA operative in the middle of a desert in Africa.

Complexiti

If you go to an AA meeting do you have to give your real name, where you live, what color your underpants are?

Or is it sufficient to say My name is XXXXX and I am an alcoholic?

What is it with this place where just because I will not say where I live you all think I am secretive?

BillyPilgrim

Complexiti
Ignore those on the site who ask for details, you reveal as much as you want to, full stop.
I have found the support here excellent, I know what I type here stays in the box, so treat it that way. You need to find your way to recovery, the guidance you can get here is invaluable , but it is you who needs to use it in your way

Sapling

I am an alcoholic....And I did something about it. And I do go to AA meetings...And you know what. I have a guy in my homegroup that goes ever day....In a wheelchair.....Not even powered. I've said before complexity...I could care less what your name is or where you live. I just like to see people stop drinking for good....People that are willing to do it. I'm not real sure that's the case with you. If you want to blame your drinking on somebody...Take a look in the mirror. You want to stop drinking?...Do something about it.

Complexiti

I am in a powered wheelchair because I am physically unable to use a manual chair. When this goes on charge I am stuck in bed until it is powered up. And there is nobody to even get me a coffee or anything so sometimes getting drunk is the only way I have any rest. It's either that or stuff myself with prescription meds to kill the pain.

There are no AA meetings anywhere near where I live - yes, I might just as well live in the middle of a desert in Africa only I don't. I live in a tiny place in the middle of nowhere miles and miles and miles away from even the nearest small town where there aren't any AA meetings.

Are you gonna volunteer to push me over 50 miles to where the nearest AA meeting might possibly be? Only I don't know where that might even be.

I'm in my 70s and I want to stop drinking and people like you with your homegroup guy in a wheelchair well woopdedoo how absolutely wonderful.

Do something about wanting to stop drinking? What the hades do you think I was doing when I came onto this forum? And oh what a mistake that was, to get people like you who just mock my efforts and tell me to research, to do this to do that and oh great you have a guy in your homegroup who manages to get to meetings in a wheelchair which isn't even a power one.

Fabulous. Wonderful. I am so happy for him. Does he live alone? Does he have anyone to take him to AA meetings? Does he have anyone to help him get dressed/toileted/showered?

Wonderful. You must live in some ideal dream world and not the real world, and now you have driven me from here, here where I came for support, by telling me to do this do that and trying to make me feel like cr@p because I am just an old cripple.

Congratulations and enjoy your sobriety. S*d those of us who don't fit into your dream world of going to AA meetings whenever they can. God help you if your body is ever shattered in an accident caused by someone else when you were just standing on the sidewalk.

Sapling

I've heard plenty of what you can't do...Forget AA...That's not an option for you...I get that. How about one of these other ways to get sober?....There are other programs...Books....People that have stopped drinking on this site without AA...You see....You are looking for support....But you aren't trying anything. Tell me exactly...What kind of support do you want?