Bright shiny faces
Grateful to be free
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Bright shiny faces
I've been reading some threads on these forums, both old and new, about people who get involved in recovery groups and have bad experiences with the people in those groups.
When we get into recovery, we are often feeling lost, we want the help and advice of those with more clean time than us, we want to believe that everyone has our best interests in mind. At least I know I felt that way.
But please remember that the people you meet in those meetings, are pretty much a cross section of society. Some are gonna be real nice and helpful. Some are going to be aloof, and some are going to be out for anything they can get.
All of the people are addicts. And we may be clean of one thing, but that doesn't mean all our behavior is above board. You don't have to give out your number to one and all. You don't have to write your number on the list, if one goes round, if you aren't comfortable with others having it. If someone hands you their number, you are not obliged to call.
Use your judgement. You might even ask a few others, once you've gotten to know a few people and feel a little safe with them, if so and so might be a good support before you add them to YOUR support network.
No one needs to know your last name, where you work, which neighborhood you live in,etc. The word anonymous means it is fully your right to not share any information with anyone.
I am not suggesting you be overly suspicious or isolate, but do be cautious, just as cautious as you would be in any other area of your life...and maybe a wee bit more. Addicts are prone to relapse. Some people in the rooms are there by court order, or because their partner threatened to leave them if they don't go to meetings. There are people in the rooms who are still using, or supporting family members who use.
Think three or four or five times before you invite them into your personal life.
You are likely to meet some of the nicest folks ever in the rooms. You will probably make some true friends and people who do have your best interest at heart. But please remember you are there first and foremost for your recovery.
I get real sad when I hear stories of people getting their heart broke, their recovery shaken, their trust shattered or their car stereo stolen.
There is a sticky on these forums about internet predators. Read it and apply it to recovery beyond these boards as well.
Our recovery is our primary goal. Don't put it on the line because you are afraid to hurt some strangers feelings. Anyone who has your best interest at heart will understand and respect your appropriate boundaries.
When we get into recovery, we are often feeling lost, we want the help and advice of those with more clean time than us, we want to believe that everyone has our best interests in mind. At least I know I felt that way.
But please remember that the people you meet in those meetings, are pretty much a cross section of society. Some are gonna be real nice and helpful. Some are going to be aloof, and some are going to be out for anything they can get.
All of the people are addicts. And we may be clean of one thing, but that doesn't mean all our behavior is above board. You don't have to give out your number to one and all. You don't have to write your number on the list, if one goes round, if you aren't comfortable with others having it. If someone hands you their number, you are not obliged to call.
Use your judgement. You might even ask a few others, once you've gotten to know a few people and feel a little safe with them, if so and so might be a good support before you add them to YOUR support network.
No one needs to know your last name, where you work, which neighborhood you live in,etc. The word anonymous means it is fully your right to not share any information with anyone.
I am not suggesting you be overly suspicious or isolate, but do be cautious, just as cautious as you would be in any other area of your life...and maybe a wee bit more. Addicts are prone to relapse. Some people in the rooms are there by court order, or because their partner threatened to leave them if they don't go to meetings. There are people in the rooms who are still using, or supporting family members who use.
Think three or four or five times before you invite them into your personal life.
You are likely to meet some of the nicest folks ever in the rooms. You will probably make some true friends and people who do have your best interest at heart. But please remember you are there first and foremost for your recovery.
I get real sad when I hear stories of people getting their heart broke, their recovery shaken, their trust shattered or their car stereo stolen.
There is a sticky on these forums about internet predators. Read it and apply it to recovery beyond these boards as well.
Our recovery is our primary goal. Don't put it on the line because you are afraid to hurt some strangers feelings. Anyone who has your best interest at heart will understand and respect your appropriate boundaries.
Idiot!
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 556
Excellent post Threshold - good balanced advice. I had some difficulties with one particular member when I first joined AA in Scotland a good number of years ago. I wish I'd had this advice back then but the internet was in its infancy and I had no access.
That said I met some of the nicest most helpful friends I have ever met in AA - people who are prepared to bend over backwards to help without any gaining ideas for themselves. You just need to be very careful who you get in with, especially early on.
Stu.
That said I met some of the nicest most helpful friends I have ever met in AA - people who are prepared to bend over backwards to help without any gaining ideas for themselves. You just need to be very careful who you get in with, especially early on.
Stu.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Dublin
Posts: 90
[QUOTE=Threshold;3249432] You don't have to write your number on the list, if one goes round, if you aren't comfortable with others having it. If someone hands you their number, you are not obliged to call.
THANK U Threshold - I was given 2 numbers at my first AA meeting by 2 women and they seemed nice but definately from very different backgrounds to me, one of them women asked for mine which I felt obliged to do and for the first few days she called alot, I didnt answer and now she has stopped as in her last message she said "I must have taken the number down wrong" to be honest my gut-feeling just didnt sit right with her and I've been feeling guilty ever since for not answering or calling her back ... I felt maybe it was an obligation as part of the "norm" of AA ... I'm relieved to know it is not xxx Thank you xxx
THANK U Threshold - I was given 2 numbers at my first AA meeting by 2 women and they seemed nice but definately from very different backgrounds to me, one of them women asked for mine which I felt obliged to do and for the first few days she called alot, I didnt answer and now she has stopped as in her last message she said "I must have taken the number down wrong" to be honest my gut-feeling just didnt sit right with her and I've been feeling guilty ever since for not answering or calling her back ... I felt maybe it was an obligation as part of the "norm" of AA ... I'm relieved to know it is not xxx Thank you xxx
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