DesperadoBlond

I too am really an introvert. But making a living as an extreme introvert, especially if you want to have your own business in my field etc. is very hard. Oh well, personal growth often comes from being challenged, no?

DesperadoBlond

Hi! Yes, I just beat two big waves of alcohol cravings today. One big craving because of anxiety and another wave of craving alcohol to reward myself for doing a good job. I had some carrots instead.

DesperadoBlond

Hi! No joke! Counselors can be expensive and no good. Sometimes you find the best answers on forums like this.

DesperadoBlond

Yeah, practice does help. My problem is, every time I have a few days of not meeting new people, I revert back to my old shy self. I need to socialize non-stop I guess.

DesperadoBlond

Thanks Anna! I will look up some breathing techniques. Like Dee pointed out, they probably take practice and don't work when you try to apply them cold turkey.

kiknit

YAYY! That's how it's done. Carrots are a pretty innocent indulgence. I would at least dip them in Chocolate or something.

DesperadoBlond

Haha would love to! But I was always very skinny and during my last year of drinking I gained like 20 pounds! Shocking to me, very shocking. So now I am trying the Low carb high fat diet. No chocolate!

Pigtails

Hi Desperado. I can relate to you as I have social anxiety, I'm shy and reserved (except when I was drinking... my "bottle personality" was outgoing and fun, if not downright obnoxious), and I too am just starting my own business and learning how to deal with people and situations sober. I think that most humans get nervous and scared and anxious about meeting people, but as problem drinkers, we escaped having to deal with this issue by turning to alcohol, and now we have to just put our best selves out there and let people take us or leave us, and feel confident in ourselves. I know that's not always easy, and I'm working on it, with AA, meditation, therapy, good nutrition and trying to care more about how I look and working out etc. But mostly I just tell myself I just have to go for it and I usually feel stronger once I come out the other side, sober and having survived a social situation! Ironically I think I did many silly/stupid things around people when I was drunk, but I didn't notice it or care because I had my buddy alcohol giving me my liquid courage and my false sense of self-esteem. Now that I'm working on true self-esteem, I don't make nearly such a fool of myself, but I am more self-conscious since I don't have the mask of alcohol to hide behind. Best wishes, you can do it!

DesperadoBlond

Hi! Thank you so much for your response! Nice to hear from someone who is in pretty much an identical situation! Loved your way of putting it: "and now we have to just put our best selves out there and let people take us or leave us, and feel confident in ourselves."

Pigtails

Glad I could help. I know it's tough but we need to learn to do it. Don't be afraid... you are a beautiful, intelligent person who has a lot to offer the world!! Best wishes.

OCDDan

I agree with all that say practice practice, more practice. I've had social anxiety over 50 years, anyways I had to learn the hard way, while still drinking and the next day at work hung over I'd have to report out in a room full of upper management. It was especially bad when they expected me to report on something other than to just say "nothing to report today". Sometimes my heart would be pounding so bad my body would actually be moving with each beat, and i had that fight or flight thing going on so I felt like just running out of the room some times, sweaty palms, all of it. But the more you get exposed to it, the easier it gets, especially now that you are sober it will be much easier than hungover. Sometimes I think of what I need to do after the stressfull situation and that helps calm me down. it gets easier once the brain calms down and repairs a little.

Zeba

Thanks for this thread Desperado! I used to drink to pretend I was an extrovert and am just now beginning to learn about my real self. There's lots of great support here

JayAngel

My mother and I have anxiety problems. She meditates, works out and does Kundalini Yoga...all that's helped her.

I just breathe deep... remember my qualities, smile, and try to be as welcome as I can. It's hard but we're all human, and we're all a little mad lol

DesperadoBlond

Hi! Thanks for sharing your experience with me! That reminds me of something I feel grateful for: not having to face social anxiety while being hung over. That must be the worst feeling.

DesperadoBlond

Hi! The thread turned out great thanks to all those experienced people here who so generously share their advice!

I'm not sure I was supposed to be an introvert. I have everything it takes to be a great socialte. haha EXCEPT I get all nervous about meeting new people. Not always, but often. And my symptoms are sometimes physically very obvious. Heart racing so my whole body moves etc.

Oh well, who doesn't love a challenge?

SoberRightNow

I'm not the best socially, especially in big groups. I always felt I should be more extrovert, I guess to protect myself.

Since I've got sober, I've actually got a lot more comfortable with not being extrovert and not being great in big groups. It's just part of who I am and I'm not so bothered about it now. Not everyone has to be the life of the party - plenty of better qualified people to perform that role.

It is extraordinarily liberating to be happy thinking like this.

DesperadoBlond

Thanks to everyone who has been willing to share their advice on the subject!

So, today I am off to a new meeting with a possible future collaborator. I'm trying to meet a maximum amount of new people, relevant to my business, since I just moved to a country from where I have been away for the past 10 years. She's a professional lecturer who read an article about me and what I do in the local paper a while back and now wants to hire me as a lecturer.

Now hows that for a challenge, for someone with severe social anxiety?

I think I need to sign up for an acting class to pull this off. I have a theater actress friend who is willing to give me some coaching. Maybe challenging myself and pulling off things like this can also be good to keep me distracted and not think of drinking.

I might sound totally crazy with all this stuff, but my life has always been like this. Odd scenarios and drama (good and bad) tend to accompany me. Thank God I am now sober and feel that I can make intelligent decisions! Unmanageable changed into manageable finally?

DesperadoBlond

Amen to that!

Ms.TimmyV

You can do it. What is your business? Being an extreme introvert isn't some sort of disability that prevents you from making a decent living for yourself. Bill Gates is an introvert, and so is Warren Buffett; they're not doing too shabby.

Since I have learned this about myself, I have sought out things I can do comfortably. I like knowing how things work, and inherently I like to fix things that do not. I am also detailed oriented. This has lead me to transcription, proofreading and scoping ("translating" court reporter notes). The weird thing is that I do not like writing; I simply like to make sure what you're writing is mechanically correct.

I only found this out after I stopped trying to do things that everyone else thought was cool. Believe me, there is no glamour to what I do, but I like it very much.

How do you know you're socially anxious? Do you feel people are looking at you and judging you? Do you have physical symptoms? I'm not socially anxious at all but I'd rather not go to parties, because they wear me down. I can go for a bit, but pulling an all nighter is out of the question. I don't like small talk because I think it's a waste of energy. I am very direct in what I say. Why? Because I've worked out what I need to say while you've been talking to me; I don't think and talk at the same time. An extrovert would totally tell you have some sort of problem (there are more extroverts than introverts, by the way).

Once I learned the difference between the two I felt much more comfortable in my own skin. I let my husband do the talking, the schmoozing and massage difficult situations. He's the good cop and I definitely the bad cop! Just make sure you're not an extrovert with social anxiety...that's a whole other hill of beans!

scrambled2012

I try to always have a book or some work to do, so my mind is divided between the person im anxious about (fear of rejection) and something else i want to accomplish. that way, if things go south with the social setting, i can react as if my time is too valuable to be concerned with it.

Might not be ideal, but its what i do.