SunSailor59

I just found this forum a couple days ago, and already I owe a debt of gratitude to many of you. Most of those I would like to thank don't even know they helped me, because their help was in the form of posting supportive or thoughtful messages that I read on older threads.

My recovery had been progressing remarkably quickly, and I found lots of emotional trauma from my past to deal with. I have devoured books on many subjects related to self-help, addiction recovery, and co-dependency. I also go to weekly therapy sessions (recently increased to twice-weekly), and many AA meetings. My life has become fixing my life, and it was going great.

Last week, out of the blue, I was hit with a bout of anger. Throughout my recovery so far, anger had not been part of my emotional makeup at all. It had been all sadness, depression, and guilt, and I had developed effective techniques to manage them. When the anger hit I had no tools yet to recognize it or to deal with it, and I lashed out inappropriately, alienating the few who had been offering me any support.

Of course that was the straw that broke the camel's back, and I spiraled back down into depression and guilt. And this time I had fewer options for any emotional support. For the first time in my 74 days of sobriety I thought about drowning my sorrows again. (I held strong on that front at least)

That was when this site was recommended to me. As with the books previously, I have been devouring the threads on this forum and learning a lot, as well as interacting with some of you.

I am happy to say that the turnaround has been amazing! Some of you who have been on this forum for a long time might not be reminded often enough, but you really do provide inspiration and support to us newly sober people. For that I want to thank you and let you know that I really appreciate having this resource.



I plan to be here for a long time to come, and to someday return that hope and support to those who come along later.

SunSailor59

Scolova

Congrats Sailor, I'm also very grateful for SR and come here daily when I can. I truly believe had I not found this forum I would not still be breathing right now or would be very close to death, still stuck in the sickness. It was incredibly empowering hearing all the messages of alcoholics who have broken free of the cycle and stay that way. I have met with some old family friends who cannot believe their own eyes when they look at me now. (and hear me order a diet coke)
I Seriously have a hard time not tearing up with gratitude at times, but I know every day's a new challenge and I have to stay strong, remembering all the reasons why I got sober.
I'm certain your post(s) will help others, if not now, in due time.

Dee74

We're glad to have you with us, SunSailor

D

JayAngel

I'm only on forums for my favorite sports team, but I'm very private on there. This forum is the first one where I've opened up and shared some very personal information. I think it's great. That support system of knowing everyone here is in a similar situation, without the clique-y vibe I get from AA...you can't beat it.

I know exactly what you mean!
I've read so many posts that I relate to, read through countless threads that have left me stunned...and it's only my second day here lol.

debsam

Thanks for the post SunSailor

I learned very quickly that giving back to help others is a key part to on-going recovery...still is and always will be. For me, I feel compelled to help and share in any way I can...because, I've BEEN THERE!!

isabella1bella

Thanks for this post ... it's too true day 18 for me and I wouldnt be even on day one if it wasnt for SR and the support here ... best of luck with ur journey xxx

jocata

That is so awesome sailor, that you were able to resist that urge and not pick up a drink! Sometimes my emotions, especially anger, it me out of the blue. I am slowly learning to deal with that in more positive ways. Writing down what is bugging me is a huge help.

SR has been huge in my recovery! The support is out of this world!

Keep posting and sharing, please. Posts like the one you did above help me out.

Hang tough.

God bless.

Dazee

I too find SR very helpful. I'm on day 3 and it's so helpful to be able to pick up the computer and find some help rather than waiting for a meeting. This forum is wonderful.

LoftyIdeals

Thanks for your post, SunSailor. I am also very grateful for the fine people here on SR. It's a lifesaver.

Congrats on 74 days. That's awesome.

About your anger: if anger first surfaced around 74 days or so, I'd count myself lucky. I think feeling, recognizing and realizing anger is overall a positive thing, although others might not agree, especially if it was directed at them. If you've been reading up on our condition, you probably also know that you can't stew about it, but have to go to those you expressed your anger to and explain yourself, apologetically.

My anger has been my source of energy and drive to change. Most of my anger is with myself, but that doesn't necessarily mean I don't direct it at others. My propensity is also toward depression, but that doesn't feed the energy needed for me to change my thinking. Anger does. Properly directed and managed, anger can be a good thing. There can be lots to be angry about in this world, whether alcoholic or not. It's how we respond to it that matters.

Keep posting, I enjoyed reading yours.

sissy07

Welcome to SR! This site is helping me save myself.

recoverywfaith

LovesToTravel

I found SR a few weeks into my recovery. I read and read and was amazed that so many people had the same exact thoughts and actions as I had. Welcome all and keep reading and posting. It does get better...

micealc

Thanks Sunsailer and all of you that have posted here.
ANGER...........Is never too far away in my Life.
Angry with GOD
Angry with my Parents
Angry with Greed and Corruption
Angry that I have to be Honest.....while others do what the like
Angry with myself that I can never say the right thing to Help my wife with her Problems.
Angry with myself that I have wasted so many years.......Addicted to ~~~~~~
It goes on and on.

These Personal Angers are not felt by anyone else......only me.
What can I do with them.......
I try each day to do the next right.

Tantrums of a 3 year old comes to mind.
I need to Re Parent my Inner Feelings..........the feelings of My Inner Child.
I feel I have been given a Raw Deal........

This is all Wrong.........One emotion I have left out is Gratitude.
I have been given this opertunity to Right the Wrongs that I feel have been done to me.
I attend ACA......Is Wonderful....Its helping me Change my Thinking and turn everything round to my advantage.
I will not avoid the Hassle of Daily Living, I will be helped by an Invisable Power that is always with me............
No Matter what I've done wrong I can Be forgiven by this power..... So I have to allow others the same.....Forgive them for they no not what they Do.

With the Tools of the Program I can accept the Things I cant Change and Have the Courage to change the Things I can.

1undone

SunSailor, hey anger and entitlement were some of the emotions that lead me to relapse after 90 days! I wish I would have spoke up in a meeting or to a new sober friend. One of my character defects is I have a REALLY hard time asking for help.

I'm glad you made it through! Congrats!