KanDoIt

Hello. I am a 45 year old woman. I have been widowed over a year now. I have been drinking every single day for over 3 years. I used to be a very structured person. These days my car doesn't leave the garage unless it is to go to the liquor store. I have gotten nothing accomplished. If I manage to shower every three days I consider that a successful week. I don't have anyone to talk to. I live in a small town and because I know people in this community I won't go to a live meeting. I am going to try to not drink today. There is no alcohol in the house currently. The car is in the garage however. I used to think it was a mind over matter thing. I now know that is not the case. There is an actual physical addiction and I don't like being a slave like that to something that can kill me. I have a second chance at a real life now. I am working on the psychological issues that are preventing me from going out there and making that life. I thought I would start here today. I hope I can get through at least just today. I might be a pain at first...posting a lot. Please bear with me. Thanks.

ownmybehavior

I'm new also, to the entire process. I'm sorry for how you feel but can offer you my support as a rookie at this. Stay strong and good luck.

chicory

Welcome Kandoit!

Glad you are here with us on SR. It is a great place for support.

I am sorry for your loss.

Recovery is a beautiful thing-it isn't easy, but people do recover. wishing you well, and offering my support,
chicory

Lind

Welome Kandoit! I am new here too!! On my third day! You can do this!! Stay strong and know that you re not alone!! Lind

sugarbear1

Welcome to SR!

I'm not sure why you won't go to meetings since even in large towns/areas most people already know you drink....we're the last to know that others know who we are while drinking...I'm trying to give you some reality...

I lost my man 4 years ago, I understand grieving & not getting anything done as I drank & stopped, going to meetings when not drinking & avoiding them when I did drink until 8 months ago...

Try staying stopped, you can do it! There are other recovery programs available other than AA. Do yourself a favor & look into them.

Peace & Love,

Threshold

Welcome Kan, you are in the right place.

desertsong

Kandoit, I feel your pain. It just resonates in your post. *hugs*

I also live in a small town and hesitated to go to AA for that reason. But "what happens in AA, stays in AA," at least as far as our group is concerned. Please don't let that be a reason for you not getting the support you need. Just my humble opinion.

You are not, and will not be a "pain" for seeking support. Thank God that you did, and that we can be here for you. I'm grateful you came and hope that I, and if not I but others, can help you. You have taken a courageous first step posting your story and putting it out there for all of us to see. As Threshold said, you are in the right place. While our stories are different, the agony is the same among this group. We know where you are and what you're dealing with. And we can help if you let us. Thank you for coming here and giving US an opportunity to help. Helping you, helps us. You will find much support here.

Zebra1275

Welcome. Signing up to SR and making your first post is a start. Stuck around SR and do a lot of reading, it can really help.

hector

Hello, Kandoit. Welcome to SR. Thanks for posting.

I encourage you to go to a "live meeting". You'll meet people who don't want you to tell anyone they were there either. Anonymity is a mutual desire and trust. Please go.

Physical neglect of oneself is serious. I think you need help soon. Stop trying to fight this monster - alcoholism - alone. Most of us find it doesn't work.

Keep posting. We care about you. It (sobriety) can be done. My sobriety date is Nov. 27, 1988.

2granddaughters

+1

Get out to the AA meetings in your area. Get active. Embrace AA with both arms.
Best wishes to all the newcomers here. I posted the AA Promises on another thread but perhaps they would serve a purpose here too. They keep me coming ......

"The Promises"
From the Book ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS
Chapter 6 - "INTO ACTION" (Page 86)

.....If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.

1. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness,

2. We will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it,

3. We will comprehend the word serenity,

4. And we will know peace.

5. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.

6. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.

7. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain insight into our fellows.

8. Self-seeking will slip away.

9. Our whole attitude and outlook will change.

10. Fear of people and economic insecurity will leave us.

11. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.

12. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us--sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.....

NewMe11109

Hi KanDoIt -

Welcome to SR. I am glad you are here.

Many of us have used alcohol to remain a state that does not require us to mourn or face difficult feelings. One of the keys of happiness for me is developing the tools to deal with loss and failure. The only way that I can do this is to not drink.

I had to stop drinking long enough to clear me head enough so that I could work on my real problems. Once I realized that I couldn't do it alone and most people wanted to help me stay sober, I just gave up and let other people help me.

As others have said, everyone probably already knows - so why not go to a place where everyone else is like you and understands what you are going through?

My program of recovery is a combination of AA + SR + helping other alcoholics.

I'm still think of myself as pretty new to all this ... as I'm learning new things every day.

Please just go to a meeting today. Don't wait until tomorrow. You may be surprised.

Take care.

DarrenW

Did you avoid drinking today? I like your name "Kandoit" not just do it!

Dee74

Welcome to SR Kandoit

I was lost when I found this place - the support and encouragement I found helped me find my way again

I know we can do that for you too - keep posting!

D