crazyboy

Okay. I am in my mid twenties and starting to realize that I binge drink every weekend. I make psycho decisions that I would NEVER make when I am that drunk. My partner and I both do it together and we are both interested in stopping. The thing is, time will go by and we wont drink. Then, something happens ie. a party, the holidays etc and we will climb right back on our binging wagon. Hundreds of bars are all over the neighborhood I live. That could be a contributing factor, I realize.

So when I drink, I become loud, crazy, and wander the streets looking for... "love" that I neve would want when I'm sober. This is when I start to reach blackout zone. I have had near miss after near miss (my partner knows about most of them) but this last weekend I went off and actually went to somebody's apartment with them. Nothing risky happened partially because I started to pass out on their FLOOR! So realize I wasn't going to give them any, they kicked me out... thank god. I am really scared that I keep doing this to be honest. One day, that russian roulette bullet is going to click I feel like and I won't be lucky. I will be either dead or with an uncurable illness.

Why can't I moderate all the time? I will be doing well for months. Get tipsy here and there and then BAAM the big one hits and I wind up doing crazy things that I would never do! Guilty feelings. Dirty feelings. Totally embarassed... I need to have a plan with my partner but I'm not sure if we're ready for any counciling or meetings related to our alcohol issues. Any advice?

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

Alcoholics can't moderate, at least not for long. If we could, none of us would be here.

I'm glad you recognize that your behaviour is dangerous and that drinking is causing you problems in your life. You'll find lots of support here, if you decide to stop drinking.

I would also be very cautious about stopping drinking as a couple. It's very hard to do and to stay sober and if you pin your hopes on someone else, things could go very badly. This is really something that you have to do for yourself and ultimately, by yourself.

Dano1975

You have an opportunity to open the parachute right before you slam into the ground here. What you're describing has happened to so many of us. Know a couple things: you can't and will never be able to drink like a normal person, and if you quit now, none of these horrible embarassing things will happen again. I was really resistant to AA at first too, but it's pretty much saved my life. Check out a couple different meetings, what do you have to lose?

artsoul

Welcome crazyboy!

It's unclear whether you want to quit drinking completely or not...... Most of us have found that once we were unable to moderate consistently, abstinence was the only choice.

Maybe you and your partner could find some activities to do together that don't involve parties, bars, etc,.... After I got sober, I discovered that there's a lot to do out there - the world doesn't revolve around alcohol after all!

quitforme79

Yup crazyboy, I wish I could moderate too. BUT, I get to that black out point too at times and do things I would never do sober. It's almost as if I am compromising my soul and it's a horrible feeling. I am less than 2 weeks in so I don't have much advice to give except that you should rally the biggest support system you can; dr's therapists, family/friends, AA and of course SR is always here for you. I have included all of the above in my recent quit and so far so good. Best of luck to you

crazyboy

Thanks everyone for your replies. I knew reading all of these posts on here that I am not as alone as I feel. People do horrible things when they can't moderate. Its such a scary thought to quit drinking all together though! I do want to though (open my parachute). I find the times in my life I don't drink go waaay smoother. I am going to try to get through this weekend drink free and see what happens. I think that busying myself on weekends with activities will be a great way to redefine myself. We were talking tonight about this and we have been binging for about 7 years straight. We're still young. There will be more and more consequences as time progresses. I read somewhere it is a disease that is progressive and have noticed it is getting worse and worse through the years.

JayAngel

We're in similar boats in terms of alcoholic tendencies. I don't mean to assume, but I think we CANNOT continue this path, it'll assuredly ruin us. We should act now. At the very least, stay sober for a while - just to see what the other side is like. Like you said, we're young...we have many years ahead of us. I know several 30-something recovering alcoholics that relapse, but they feel guilty and simply start again. It's a disease, like you said, and unfortunately...I don't think it's going anywhere. Congratulations on your enlightenment and good luck!

crazyboy

I am going to stay sober for a while and see what the other side is like. I like that. Last time I stopped for 3 months or so. I hope I can do that again at the very least. However, my short term goal is 30 days just to not pressure myself too greatly but still start to feel the benefits of abstinence from ETOH. thanks

Dee74

Welcome Crazyboy

I thoink a lof of us have found we can 'control' our drinking for a period - but it takes a lot of work and it never lasts....as much as we'd like it to be it's not our defualt position...my default position was passing out and putting myself in danger - physical danger from possible falls/injury in my case as I'm disabled already...add alcohol into the mix and it's a miracle I'm still here to tell the tale.

The fact is - even if that only happens once a year - it's still one time too many.

I'm glad you're here with us - you'll find a lot of support and understanding

D

instant

Crazyboy have you read the Big Book (free online) and done the short course on AVRT on rational recovery? if not I suggest you do,