Unsupportive family
Grateful AA member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: In the middle of the woods, NJ
Posts: 567
Unsupportive family
It seems like everyone I know have very supportive families. Even those who have problems with addictions or depression.
I grew up as the black sheep. I was verbally abused by my mother and ignored and judged by her side of the family. I grew up with issues like depression, eating disorders, and self destructive traits. I was also the first to graduate from college, get high grades in college, win a scholarship to study abroad but nothing was ever good enough for my family.
My sister dropped out of college and partied in her late teen years got pregnant and that was more of an accomplishment.
I drank at my family for many years. Especially being around them and those feelings I felt as a child always came back hit me head on so I would find myself in fits of tears and binge drinking.
Both my parents drank a lot while I was growing up but they dont seem their drinking as a problem but even today they put the blame on me for everything.
While I was in the psych hospital two weeks ago over Christmas and NY Eve my dad didnt even call me once to see how I was doing. It hurt a lot. We are British living in America and my father has the mentality get the eff over **** and move on with your life. He cant understand I have dealt with depression and anxiety for years.
Ive had many therapists over the years and they have all the say the same thing. Avoid your family dont tell them anything bc they will not be supportive of you. It hurts a lot but now I have to learn how to deal with this anger without drinking.
I grew up as the black sheep. I was verbally abused by my mother and ignored and judged by her side of the family. I grew up with issues like depression, eating disorders, and self destructive traits. I was also the first to graduate from college, get high grades in college, win a scholarship to study abroad but nothing was ever good enough for my family.
My sister dropped out of college and partied in her late teen years got pregnant and that was more of an accomplishment.
I drank at my family for many years. Especially being around them and those feelings I felt as a child always came back hit me head on so I would find myself in fits of tears and binge drinking.
Both my parents drank a lot while I was growing up but they dont seem their drinking as a problem but even today they put the blame on me for everything.
While I was in the psych hospital two weeks ago over Christmas and NY Eve my dad didnt even call me once to see how I was doing. It hurt a lot. We are British living in America and my father has the mentality get the eff over **** and move on with your life. He cant understand I have dealt with depression and anxiety for years.
Ive had many therapists over the years and they have all the say the same thing. Avoid your family dont tell them anything bc they will not be supportive of you. It hurts a lot but now I have to learn how to deal with this anger without drinking.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Yes, it does hurt.
My family also didn't understand how hard it was to struggle with anxiety and depression. It's very hard for others to know how difficult it is to get through some days.
One thing I learned and that I know for sure, is that I could and did stop drinking for myself. I had played the victim/martyr role for a very long time and I hated it. I wanted to take control of my life and be responsible.
It's okay if others don't understand how you feel. You can do this.
My family also didn't understand how hard it was to struggle with anxiety and depression. It's very hard for others to know how difficult it is to get through some days.
One thing I learned and that I know for sure, is that I could and did stop drinking for myself. I had played the victim/martyr role for a very long time and I hated it. I wanted to take control of my life and be responsible.
It's okay if others don't understand how you feel. You can do this.
Grateful AA member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: In the middle of the woods, NJ
Posts: 567
Thanks Anna. One of my therapists once told me the best revenge is to get better and set to accomplish all the goals I have. Also that once I get better my family will find somene else to make the target bc they are not happy with themselves so have always looked at me as the problem. I wish I stuck by this in the past loll
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
I think it's hard to leave behind the roles that we've played in our families. I played the victim role very well and didn't know what I would do with that persona. Take a leap of faith and find out who the real you is going to be.
Take a leap of faith and find out who the real you is going to be.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 462
I don't have one supportive person in my family. I can sympathise with you.
It can feel very lonely but it does get better. I tend to say the serenity prayer and awful lot when I think about my family situation and I now realise that I can't change them. I can change the way I react to them and that's it
I am seeing a 1-1 therapist once a week to deal with family stuff, alongside AA meetings and it's helping.
I wish you luck xxxx
It can feel very lonely but it does get better. I tend to say the serenity prayer and awful lot when I think about my family situation and I now realise that I can't change them. I can change the way I react to them and that's it
I am seeing a 1-1 therapist once a week to deal with family stuff, alongside AA meetings and it's helping.
I wish you luck xxxx
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Inner, your situation sounds very similar to mine. This is what I am reminding myself, and maybe it could help you as well "I didn't have them supporting my active addiction, yet I didn't let that stop me, and their lack of support for my recovery isn't going to stop me either!"
Active addiction took a good bit of energy, now I will apply that more purposefully.
It still hurts, of course.
Active addiction took a good bit of energy, now I will apply that more purposefully.
It still hurts, of course.
JEANS
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Manchester
Posts: 132
Innerchild, I completely understand where you are coming from and I know how much it hurts inside. My mum disliked me when I was a child and regularly told me she didn't love me. My dad was too busy drinking with his mates or with one of his girlfriends to pay me any attention.
I wonder if your family are jealous of your ability to learn and get qualifications.
Anyway, I just wanted to say that I can relate to how you feel and you are not alone. I get insanely jealous when my friends talk about meeting up with their families for meals or christmas day. It's not a nice feeling.
I wonder if your family are jealous of your ability to learn and get qualifications.
Anyway, I just wanted to say that I can relate to how you feel and you are not alone. I get insanely jealous when my friends talk about meeting up with their families for meals or christmas day. It's not a nice feeling.
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