NoHo

"You don't have a problem" can be terrific motivation. Making a positive life change can be uncomfortable for those not following your path. If they don't see themselves as being different from you, then your problem suggests one with them. Instead of debating the degree to which alcoholism was an issue, why not accentuate the fact that you are moving beyond it.

When asked why he doesn't drink anymore, a good friend of mine always answers "I just got sick of it." I like that; it's empowering. In his case, he was the typical, controlled social drinker who would later drink himself silly in the privacy of his home - with no one aware of how serious his problem was.

Pete55

I had no friends left when finally got sober.


No one can say if you are alcoholic or not, it's impossible because the alcohol is in your body, not theirs.

Consider: How on earth can others pass judgment of your own
drinking experience?

miamifella

I suspect that these unsupportive friends are people you drank with.

What about the friends you did not drink with? What do they say?

What about the other 3 in your circle?

isabella1bella

the other 3 wud be more longterm friends ... we met thru our chosen careers and yes the 3 trying to talk me out of drinking would be the ones who enabled me in my chaotic drinking patterns.
one of them keeps callin me, texting me, saying I cant lock myself away from them that I need to be seeing them in what he deems as normal situations ie ... the pub ... the girl sent me an email in work telling me today how i missed "the best" night out with the girls and how hungover she was today ... i dont get it ...

flutter

I got rid of my drinking buddies, and found new friends... it was tough at first because I truly believed my drinking buddies WERE my friends, but over the weeks that followed my start of sobriety, none of them found any reason to speak to me anymore.

One of many life changes that recovery can bring. Hang in there!

PaperDolls

In my case, the friend that didn't think I had a problem was not what I would consider a drinking friend although we did drink together on occasion he was definitely not an alcoholic. I believe he just had absolutely no understand of what an alcoholic is AND I did much of my drinking alone. Many people in my life didn't know the extent.

Bottom line. To Thine Own Self Be True.

NewBeginning010

Oh how I understand Isaberlla, I posted a simular thread with my experience a while back. I hope there is some helpful info there as well. Since that time one of my friends who was really struggling with it has invited me out to do some other fun activities (playing guitar & snowshoeing) and the other invited me over for new years at their cabin in the mountains for a quiet new years eve (he even got me NA beer, the intention was good at least lol).

Here is my thread http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ill-drink.html

All of that being said it is still an ongoing process (over a year later), friends birthday parties etc. where people want to go out to clubs or drink/party at their place. I find myself going earlier having fun & leaving earlier so that I dont have to be around any drunk people... they are annoying lol.

The good news is I now know who my real friends are :-)

All of the best in your recover

P.S. Your friend showing up with her baby & trying to stop you going in with your counselor... major red flag there... is she an alcoholic?

Stretz

Sounds like "Mary" should consider making her own appointment. That is odd behavior to say the least.

beyondthesky

Hi there. I'm having the same difficulties with two, "friends" that I work with. But, my own mother reacted with such fierce anger (when she found out I'd relapsed multiple times) that I honestly thought that she was going to beat the crap out of me and disown me. You're not alone in these struggles; a lot of people can't grasp the concept of quitting, or abstaining for awhile, and many of them will tell you to ignore it, or say that you don't have a problem.

Dee74

some great advice here Isabella

When I got sober I made the decision to surround myself with positive people. My true friends were the ones who supported me in my recovery

D

miamifella

I was never part of a drinking or drugging circle, so I was spared the torture you are going through.

If they cannot be in a social situation without drinking, then they do have some sort of problem. You just have to not engage since they think that by tearing you down, they are somehow proving that they are okay. And they are not okay.

isabella1bella

Funny reaction in work today, I tried the empowering "I don't drink anymore" that Ive heard people mention here since I signed up.

We have a important group meeting in the building tomorrow towards the end of the day, where afterwards the client is taking everyone out for food and drinks. I've already said Ill attend the meeting but not the food and drinks afterwards. A lot of staff were wondering why I wont come out after, truth is because I still dont want to be around drink or drinking situations so early into recovery but instead I said "I don't drink anymore so Im just going to head home" ... all replies were "what? (shock) you're not drinking EVER again" "but ... whyyyyy" and then the suspicious looks as they try to figure out what lunacy would lead you to give up drink forever.

It's not uncomfortable though, it IS empowering to say ... but the reaction is amusing that still in this day and age in Ireland NOT drinking is seen as a suspicious not to be trusted activity ... gave me a smile this morning if nothing else

isabella1bella

Glad to update that there are many hung-over and sore heads with some embaressing stories from office drinks last night all of which i'm not tied to as I did not carry on for the drinks-after-meeting .. now this feeling .. THIS is empowering (",)

Pete55

Yes!!, such an amusement to watch the "horror show" "whyyyyyy"
lol
Basically it's all an act, but they don't know they are acting!! It's what's been done to us, the "why we drank" in the first place.

WHY do we drink? Think about it, what's the big deal?

I've fine tuned the "not drinking anymore", to "not drinking today"...
It evades explaining a life story they won't remember the next day anyway except the "don't drink anymore" part.
It may cause it to become an office joke or a "challenge" to get you to drink next time round.

"I'm not drinking today", can go on forever, cos the next day it's the same reply, "no thanks, not drinking today", and so on.
It works!

I was then asked by a persistent relative, "what about tomorrow"?
Said back to that relative, "tomorrow is a mystery, wait and see".

But they sooner or later get the point without the attention, and ya slate is clean.

isabella1bella

haha Thanks Pete ... ur persistant cousin made me smile .. I will try the "not today" approach from now on xxx

JayAngel

I've noticed this as well. Unsupportive friends usually have alcohol problems themselves. They get defensive when you tell them you've quit and they try to justify their drinking. They say things like, "ahh you've done this before. i give it a month. you'll be back there slamming them down with me!"
What an inconsiderate thing to say. Chances are I'll see him in a meeting later on down the road lol

I say we trim the fat and cut out all the people who dont support us. They're not "friends" anyway