SASA

You made me smile reading this. I was craving cookies tonight and went out to get them and whipped cream. My partner told me thecsame thing that i should not eat them. How unhealthy they are and that i will gain weight again. I dropped 70 pounds since stopping and over christmas gained 5. I call it winter weight.... i still ate the cookies. Lol and enjoyed every bite of them right in front of him....

neferkamichael

Ummm! Skittles is good. If he dont gettu for ya, go gettum yourself. Nothin wrong with eatin a big bag of skittles. Thanks I think I'm gonna go get me a big bag of skittles right now. Enjoy!

Tigger41

The other day my partner was like - "maybe I'll get you a tummy tuck for your 50th" - I was like "huh?" (I've actually been losing weight and thought I was looking pretty good).

When I said "no I don't want one of them"
she replied "how about a face life then?"

So - I'm with you - buy the skittles. Me - I'm going to go out and buy a bikini and take my size 14 butt (and gut hanging over) onto the beach and sun my face until it wrinkles into a prune.

susanlauren

Oh well, we can't be perfect, now can we? (Smile and wink.) Go buy those Skittles, come home and eat the entire bag in front of him. He'll figure it out (or not). Susan

1undone

Nope, he won't. Trust me this guy has issues with body types. Before I married him I was at a mall with my mom and we were sitting at a fountain together. She asked me what I thought of DH when we first started dating legit. We've known eachother for a long time. And I said, "I don't know, I'm worried he will be bad for me in terms of body image and being critical." Here is a perfect example of a girl who didn't listen to her gut (no pun intended). But isn't this an issue for so many. As I've seen in this thread, clearly it's an issue in most relationships.

Expectations are the makins of a really good resentment. Here we have two people who resent eachother, one because the other has boarderline abused me with the stupid list that I seem to be holding onto the anger from. And then the other who gave the list to thinking it was reasonable and is probably wondering why I haven't followed through.

So it goes. I've even gone so far in my mind to try to figure out when to leave him. As he has me. It's so stupid.

In AA I've been told not to make any big decisions in the first year. Also to give yourself one year and your partner one year. Then pray. Only I don't pray. Yadda yadda...

Who knows what this next year will bring. Who knows what 5yrs will bring. I'm trying not to think about it now and follow the advise of those before me.

DayTrader

lol...... another non-AA one liner that's tossed around AA meetings like it means something or comes from the AA program.

whoever told you that must not have looked at the 3rd step - or they expect it will take over a year to get to it. There's a doosie of a decision in 3. Not to mention, you have to decide to even BE in AA and decide to work the program or not....you can't work the program at all without a bunch of maaaajor decisions along the way. Next time you hear that, ask 'em if they consider the 3rd step decision to be a decision..... lol


What the AA program really teaches is to make decisions......but to not make them from a selfish, self-centered, "what's in it for me," emotionally immature standpoint.

While it sounds funny......I don't see anything healthy or "recovery oriented" in behavior that's meant to antagonize him either. I don't like that stuff being done to me......and just because it happens TO me, I don't suddenly have the right to do it back to someone else. That makes me no better than "him".....and isn't recovery about getting better, being a better person and living a better life?

nel68

I would of said to him "I think I'm gonna get you a brain tranplant!"..lol

Fandy

reading this thread reminds me of how many POUNDS of TWIZZLERS I consumed....i'm especially partial to the rainbow and the tart filled ones. they have great chomp value so you burn calories while eating them.

skittles don't do it for me...but nothing gets between me and my Twizzlers

Pigtails

If I may offer a slightly different take on this. I don’t think it’s right of your husband to criticize what you eat or your body etc. I also understand that our first priority is to not drink, and we hope the rest falls into place later. On the other hand, I have found that I can quickly substitute an addiction to alcohol with an addiction to sugar/junk food. Yes, it’s a huge step up from alcoholism!!, but if you do research into sugar, processed foods, and additives, you will find that the effects on our emotional and physical health can be dangerous, and actually close in resemblance to alcohol—both are empty calories full of sugar that give us a spike/rush and then a crash. Both are easy to get dependent on/ addicted to. But keep us grumpy and irritated if we are dependent on them and can’t have them. An addiction to sugar and stimulants like caffeine and nicotine can cause anxiety and depression in people… just like alcohol.

Perhaps I am just speaking about myself here (I struggle with weight issues and with consistent healthy eating and exercise) but in sobriety I have felt I feel much, much better when I not only make it a priority not to drink but also make it a priority to think about what I’m putting into my body and why. I am responsible for my own self-image—not my partner or anyone else, just like I am responsible for my own sobriety—not my partner or anyone else. And if I give into my urges and cravings to eat a lot of sugar and junk food, I feel and look just awful—lethargic, on edge, frumpy, the list goes on. I feel so much better inside and out when I am taking care of my body and not putting “poisons” into it—and I view sugar and junk/overly processed foods to be poison for my body.

I am not trying to be too tough on you—I know it is just one bag of skittles and I say everything (except alcohol!!) in moderation… I am certainly not against a bag of skittles here and there, or a piece of birthday cake etc. But I cringe when I hear people cheerleading sugar as the answer to alcohol withdrawal because in my opinion it feeds the same vicious cycle. My own cravings for alcohol dramatically decrease when I stay away from sugar and junk food. For me these two areas are very much linked, so I just wanted to point it out in case it can help you/others. For me, it’s easy to sit on the couch and eat chocolate or ice cream or McDonalds, but I know I should be putting better things in my body… and this directly correlates to the feelings I used to get when I knew it was easy to sit on a bar stool and drink beer or shots or mixed cocktails… there is a better way in most things, even if it’s not the easiest way, and I just encourage you to think about your overall nutrition because your body needs healing as it withdraws from alcohol, and sugar is not the way to heal a body! Sorry if I am lecturing too much. :-/ I’m just trying to share what is working for me. Best wishes.

Fandy

I think the key here is your last sentance... it works for YOU. congrats on your almost 3 months.

I ate a lot more cookies and chocolate when I first stopped drinking..it was February. (2010) as spring/summer approached, I was becoming more active and feeling/sleeping better, i switched out a lot of the refined sugar/candy for fresh seasonal fruit. I think this is true for a lot of people from what I've read here on the boards. Initially we consume a lot more sugar than when drinking, but it tapers off, at least it did for me.

I wouldn't worry about the sugar calories right out of the gate and as for hubby, you could sit down and tell him, you are feeling a bit more vulnerable these days, so perhaps he could remember that and speak accordingly.

soberlicious

I say...TASTE THE RAINBOW.

Pointing out others' perceived superficial flaws is pathetic and speaks volumes about pointer. No one can make me feel inferior without my consent (Thank you, Eleanor).

1undone

Pigtails I completely agree. I didn't eat skittles as much as I do from time to time now but I know I eat very well. My husband is attracted to tall skinny - like actress skinny women. As much as he would like to tell me he just wants me to be healthy really he wants a trophy wife. I've known him since he was 13yrs old.

Shame on me for knowing what he would like and ignoring it when we were considering spending our lives together. He does compliment me all the time; I am attactive and I do look much younger than my age but I am by no means skinny nor am I fat.

What my point in all of this thread was he's unrealistic and it makes me resentful. When my blood work is done and all the other tests I've made my doctors do come back great I make it a point to tell him about them. So when he tells me, "I just want you to be healthy" I'm laughing inside - translation, "I just want you to look like that chick on ____ (insert Scifi program)." LOLOLOLOL

soberlicious

Yes, actually this has nothing to do with skittles at all, does it?

Stretz

midgetcop

Well geez, unless he's a Brad Pitt clone he should probably shut his yap.

Fandy

i just loved this one, because it's so true.

wednesday18

Great, hadnt thought of the fact that i may get fat! i already struggle with weight (however 5'6 and 135 so not overweight)and thought quitting drinking would save me over 1000 calories a day and i may lose a few...from reading this maybe not

Pigtails

Right, it works for me and is only something that I recenly feel strong/motivated enough to do. At first all my energy went to staying sober and I did indeed eat lots of sugar and chocolate and ice cream and fast food etc. I was just trying to say that this didn't "work" for me for long because it left me feeling bloated and sluggish and with many of the same emotional symptoms as when I was drinking! So now I'm discovering that an overall healthy approach is best, and was sharing that that is helping me, but, I do understand the initial "dive into sugar" phase. I'm not sure how far along in soberiety 1undone is, but I have to motivate/discipline myself to make healthy nutrition changes even if I don't feel like it, or I would drag it out indefinitely and have heard people in AA talk about exchanging an alcohol addicton for a food addiction/problem, so, I just think it helps to caution on these matters. Even if we don't practice healthy nutrition for awhile, it's nice to keep it on the radar. I agree with the advice of communication to the husband-- he needs to undersatnd where she's coming from and that she feels emotional/vulnerable and needs support right now, not criticism.

Pigtails

Good for you for eating well... you are far ahead of me, so, disregard my advice. This is something I struggle with and constantly lose/gain weight... although in my last couple years of drinking, all I did was keep gaining weight. So I aspire to be consistently healthy and eat well.

I get what you mean about your husband; it does seem like he has unrealistic expectations and a false image of real beauty. As hard as it is, try to focus on yourself right now, and don't let him get to you!!

Pigtails

Take heart, Wednesday. I actually lost weight right away because of not drinking all those extra calories. I think the weight issue can be negated if you start trying to replace the empty calories from alcohol with just as many empty calories from sweets/snacks... but there's room for even some sweets/snacks and weight loss. :-) You can do it!!