epskie

Hello Everyone,

I made real progress last year and I was sober for about 6 months. In December I went on an all inclusive holiday and now I'm back to square one. I desperately want to get back to where I was but I can't seem to find the certainty and confidence I had before. I have watched 'Rain In My Heart' again but when the weekend arrives I cannot seem to resist. What am I missing? Why can't I get the resolve back that I so desperately need?

Thanks, Em

Sapling

I haven't seen Rain In My Heart....Is that supposed to make you stop drinking...? I just got to a point that alcohol wasn't working for me anymore...I had lost and destroyed everything I had in life. I was beaten and finished. Done. I couldn't do it on my own so I found a program I could get support. Scared ****less I walked into an AA meeting...I was willing to try anything....I left there with hope. I didn't think I had any left. I listened...Did what I was told...Studied the Big Book...Got a sponser and made it my mission to work the program of AA...The 12 steps. It worked...Because I wanted it to...I can finally see what alcohol did to me and what it is to enjoy living without it. Simple. Maybe I'll watch that movie sometime...Maybe not.

augustwest

i don't know what you were doing, but my experience has been that when i failed, in order to get a different and better result i had to do something different. what i had been doing obviously didn't work. i'm not saying throw the baby out with the bath water though. i was using the 12-steps to get sober. i use the term loosely, as really i was just hanging around hoping that stuff would rub off on me. after my last relapse, doing something different entailed not being halfassed about the process and actually doing the program and following some suggestions of people who had success. i basically picked out some people who i admired in the program and copied them verbatim. after a while i was able to put my personal spin on recovery but for the first several months just being a copycat was critical. and honestly, even now what i do isn't much different from what was suggested at first.

epskie

Thanks guys. 'Rain In My Heart' is a documentary that was made over here in the UK, I forced myself to watch it last time and it gave me what I needed to stop drinking - its is heart wrenching, vile, tragic and extremely hard to watch. I think anybody who has alcohol problems should watch it really, but it is very difficult.
Yep, I need to break my old habits and not make the age old mistake of thinking 'I am on holiday, it's only one.'
I just wish I could feel the empowerment I felt last time, perhaps it will come.....

Sapling

I can look at my past and see that...Find something that works for you. If you want it bad enough...You'll find it.

augustwest

In other words, it's what my life used to look like. If you're not there yet you don't have to end up there, but chances are good you will if you continue drinking.

evilhalf

I relapsed too and its hard to get back on the wagon. I try to start my day off with a meeting or chat and it usually gives me the strength I need to make it through the day.

bostonluv

Em - An idea that helped me in rehab was to write a Farewell to my addiction. It's like a Dear John letter. I found it incredibly helpful. After that I wrote a Hello to Myself. To my new sober self. It was very theraputic for me.

Are you going to meetings? I know. I know. This is always asked but they are useful. There is an on-line meeting and also phone meetings if you aren't ready to face the public yet. Please check these out and send me a message if you want more details.

Are you starting the day asking God or your Higher Power to remove the obsession? Are you reading a devotion like Daily Bread? Or reading page 86-87 in the Big Book? Doing Yoga or trying meditation?

Are you coming here daily posting and reading others posts?

Are you taking care of yourself (i.e. eating breakfast, getting enough sleep, being gentle with yourself)?

These are helpful tools. Take what you want from this "advice" and leave the rest.

artsoul

I've relapsed twice and can say the it was harder to get back after the second time, even though I had more knowledge at that point and knew (intellectually) what I needed to do. So, I can relate.....

I think I just finally realized that it wasn't going to get any easier and that I had to make sobriety #1, in spite of how I felt, or didn't feel. I knew I'd have to quit at some point, and the sooner I did it, the sooner I could get on with my life (and free from those obsessive thoughts!)

We're here for you..... You can use the confidence of others to lean on while you're building your own.......

Dee74

i think it is harder to come back from a relapse sometimes - I used to have all the fight knocked out of me...

But I came back from that - and you guys can too

I think we get out of our recovery what we put into it.
So I guess my question is what are you putting into it right now?

D

debsam

Not trying to be cheeky here, but I bet you think about "rain in my heart", more so when lying there with a dreadful hangover than before you pick up that first drink.

I'll echo what Sapling said - keep trying something new until it sticks. You had 6 months under you belt so you how good it feels to be rid of your poison.

jocata

It was much harder for me to come back after relapses. Couldn't find that "groove" that I got in the first time around.
The reason I relapsed in the first place was because I stopped working my program, AA. I didn't stop working it all at once, but slowly over time. I got content, thought I could handle sobriety on my own. Well that didn't go so well.

I have to have a program and work it relentlessly, because my addiction is just as relentless.

Get something that works for you, and DON'T STOP.

God bless.