Am i an alcoholic?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 6
Am i an alcoholic?
I'm 29 years old and 6 months sober. I attend an AA meeting once a week and have a sponsor. I'm working my steps and have a home group. On the outside, everything looks about right, I'm following directions and love my life sober. I do not want to drink. I am not on here asking this because I want to go out in drink. In fact, I'm 4 months pregnant! LOL It was a surprise indeed! But this question has been haunting me.. am I REALLY an alcoholic? My father is 27 years sober next monday. He's my hero. His word and approval mean more to me than my very own husband. I love him very much. He's been telling me that I would probably be an alcoholic since I can remember. I've been attending meetings with him all my life and grew up in the rooms. I've always been able to "talk the talk" but still drank. I drank pretty much every day. A glass of wine some days, a couple shots others, but usually at home with my husband. I kept a job, personal relationships, a fairly tidy home (but with 2 babies it's tough). I blacked out when I drank liquor, quit often. I didn't like beer because I had to drink too much for the effect. I drank for the effect, absolutely. I did enjoy a good beer here and there or a nice glass of wine, but my goal was to catch a buzz. As a mother, I found that alcohol was effecting my life. I was drinking more liquor and waking up hazy, not hung over. The lack of a hangover kind of worried me. I never became physically addicted to alcohol. I never had cravings. I could drink a beer or glass of wine and not have any more if I didn't feel like getting high. (buzzed, whatever) This is my first time trying to quit and I've done very well. I haven't had even a threat! I don't want to drink. And really, I could care less to ever drink again! But the question still nags at me... am I an alcoholic? Or was I exposed to AA so intensley growing up and was seeking my fathers approval for a sober lifestyle so desperately... Is this my addiction talking now, or have I been conditioned to think I am an addict? I'm very confused about it all. Should I determine that I am not, I am still going to live a sober life but I worry that I may not representing myself truthfully in AA as I've admitted to the world that I'm an alcoholic, but inside, I still question whether I am. 
Please tell me what you think. Thank you.
Please tell me what you think. Thank you.
One Foot in Front of the Other
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 582
IMHO, that is a very personal question that only you can answer with a lot of introspection and soul-searching. Sorry, I know that answer seems like a cop-out. But if you think you may have a problem, it's probably worth a little more examination.
Congrats on the sober time as well as your pregnancy!
Congrats on the sober time as well as your pregnancy!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 156
That's a very interesting history. My first post on this site asked the exact same question but from a different perspective. Several people responded to the post
After I read their responses my opinion became that the label wasn't important; alcohol was interfering with me having a full life (and I didn't know how much it was interfering) and better to quit forever than to continue suffering over if I could manage my drinking.
However, your past and immersion into a social group at such a young age could have had quite an influence over you. But only you can figure that out. As much as I don't like therapists I've found them to be quite helpful at assisting me in sorting out my feelings at certain times in my life. I'd suggest you meet with one, even for a short period.
After I read their responses my opinion became that the label wasn't important; alcohol was interfering with me having a full life (and I didn't know how much it was interfering) and better to quit forever than to continue suffering over if I could manage my drinking.
However, your past and immersion into a social group at such a young age could have had quite an influence over you. But only you can figure that out. As much as I don't like therapists I've found them to be quite helpful at assisting me in sorting out my feelings at certain times in my life. I'd suggest you meet with one, even for a short period.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Welcome Stuknreality 
None here can tell you if you're an alcoholic or not...and sometimes I'm not even sure the label matters that much - in the sense that you used to feel alcohol was adversely affecting yr life...so you gave up alcohol...and now everything is better.
You identified a problem and you dealt with it - thats a win
I think questioning whether we're an alcoholic is a hallmark of our condition...many times I decided I was not, but the first thing I did is crack open a bottle to celebrate....
Personally I hope you'll decide to stick with abstinence for good. A life without alcohol gave me my life back
D
None here can tell you if you're an alcoholic or not...and sometimes I'm not even sure the label matters that much - in the sense that you used to feel alcohol was adversely affecting yr life...so you gave up alcohol...and now everything is better.
You identified a problem and you dealt with it - thats a win
I think questioning whether we're an alcoholic is a hallmark of our condition...many times I decided I was not, but the first thing I did is crack open a bottle to celebrate....
Personally I hope you'll decide to stick with abstinence for good. A life without alcohol gave me my life back
D
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
Try reading Alcoholics Anonymous as different types of alcoholics are described in it. Talk with your sponsor, network, & dad for their experiences. You decide! I think you know the real answer.
Congrats on the babe!
Congrats on the babe!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,146
I'd not worry too much about it. I bet within a year you'll know for sure.
I notice that you don't mention what was going on prior to 6 months ago, but I doubt if you were enjoying just one glass of wine as you are now remembering fondly was your custom to do often.
After 6 months you may have seen people come and go who don't understand their alcoholism and figure they'd do just fine out there because they were certain that deep down they weren't the real thing.
Sometimes that's a good thing, it's not always a bad thing.
What you might do is ask your Dad to tell you about way back early on when he was pretty darn sure he'd overreacted on this alcoholism thing and was probably not really alcoholic like the bad drunks in the meetings, and also about the times in his drinking when he just quiety enjoyed one glass of wine or bottle of beer and stopped.
May as well get some useful information from a source you can trust before ending your AA involvement.
Oh, and do ask him what your childhood would have been like if he'd dropped out of AA.
I notice that you don't mention what was going on prior to 6 months ago, but I doubt if you were enjoying just one glass of wine as you are now remembering fondly was your custom to do often.
After 6 months you may have seen people come and go who don't understand their alcoholism and figure they'd do just fine out there because they were certain that deep down they weren't the real thing.
Sometimes that's a good thing, it's not always a bad thing.
What you might do is ask your Dad to tell you about way back early on when he was pretty darn sure he'd overreacted on this alcoholism thing and was probably not really alcoholic like the bad drunks in the meetings, and also about the times in his drinking when he just quiety enjoyed one glass of wine or bottle of beer and stopped.
May as well get some useful information from a source you can trust before ending your AA involvement.
Oh, and do ask him what your childhood would have been like if he'd dropped out of AA.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 6
Thank you for all of your answers. I don't feel any really helped me figure anything out though. I've read the big book. I read it at night, in the morning, in the dr. waiting office. My meeting is a big book meeting. I've talked to my dad. I've had 29 years to talk with him. I know all about his drinking past and it is nothing like mine. He was hopelessly addicted, jailed many times and forced into rehab, and by the grace of God, The Big Book inspired him to look within. What was I doing 6 months ago? I was a stay at home mother with my two kids cleaning the house, doing laundry, changing diapers, cooking meals and when all was said and done, I either drank a couple shots of 99 bananas or a couple glasses of wine. My husband is an addict that is not in recovery. He tries to get sober, but has been unsuccessful. Even tried rehab. I'm lonely a lot. Stressed a lot. And alcohol was simply my means of running and hiding. I used it to deal with my problems. I guess I should've included this in the first post. I realized that I couldn't change him and drinking wasn't helping, so I stopped. I stopped for me first, my children second and as an example for my husband thirdly. I know that the label isn't really important, but I guess I feel like I've been labeled an alcoholic my entire life, even much younger than the days before I started drinking. So it is important to me, even if it shoudn't be, it is. Just to know what other alcoholics think. I've been listening for others to relate with, but I have yet to hear stories like mine. And when I open up and talk to people about it I get answers like "if you're here, then you are". And like I said before, no answer is going to change my decision about sobriety. I love being sober. I'm not going to stop going to meetings either. I love AA. I'm just trying to answer the question that has been burning in my ears since I was 8 years old...AM I AN ALCOHOLIC? Either way, I'm grateful for where I am. You're right, it is a win. I conquered my problem nonetheless, and although life hasn't actually gotten easier, my ability to face life on life's terms has me feeling like a much more accomplished mother and human being in general.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 6
Oh, and do ask him what your childhood would have been like if he'd dropped out of AA.[/QUOTE]
I don't plan on dropping out of AA. And I'm sure he wouldn't be a part of my life if he didn't stop drinking as my mother was leaving him. He stopped for me. He's my hero.
I don't plan on dropping out of AA. And I'm sure he wouldn't be a part of my life if he didn't stop drinking as my mother was leaving him. He stopped for me. He's my hero.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Sorry you didn't get the answers you were looking for, but I'm not surprised.
I needed to look for the answer myself to find the answer, if that makes sense.
I looked for years for someone to tell if if I was an alcoholic or not...in the end I had get back to basics and admit my drinking caused me problems, and that I better stop.
It may not be a Derridean analysis, but it got me to where I needed to be
Later on I decided that, yeah I was.
I'm not a mom (or a dad) but I was stuck at home a lot due to physical problems. I'd had to give up my job. I was angry.
A few drinks took my pain level down, helped my mood, helped to pass the time, helped relieve boredom, helped make working on that project more fun...but it all turned on me after a few months.
I had a lot of underlying problems too that led me to drinking in the beginning, but by the end 20 years later, I also developed a hefty case of alcoholism along the way.
I nearly died from my drinking - thats pretty definitive - and I still couldn't see it...
I hope you find your answers - and hope you'll stick around here too
D
I needed to look for the answer myself to find the answer, if that makes sense.
I looked for years for someone to tell if if I was an alcoholic or not...in the end I had get back to basics and admit my drinking caused me problems, and that I better stop.
It may not be a Derridean analysis, but it got me to where I needed to be
Later on I decided that, yeah I was.
I'm not a mom (or a dad) but I was stuck at home a lot due to physical problems. I'd had to give up my job. I was angry.
A few drinks took my pain level down, helped my mood, helped to pass the time, helped relieve boredom, helped make working on that project more fun...but it all turned on me after a few months.
I had a lot of underlying problems too that led me to drinking in the beginning, but by the end 20 years later, I also developed a hefty case of alcoholism along the way.
I nearly died from my drinking - thats pretty definitive - and I still couldn't see it...
I hope you find your answers - and hope you'll stick around here too
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,733
I remember coming on this website and wanting a clear cut answer to that question and getting what I thought was a lot of wishy washy answers at the time. I found it very frustrating. But you know how we all have a conscience? Something inside us that guides us to the truth. Ask God, or the universe to reveal the answer to you. Ask for wisdom. Specifically ask to know the answer. Be persistent. You will get an answer in time.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 6
I've been up and down with this since day one and it's bothered me because the first step is to admit to myself that I am an alcoholic and although I said it loud and proud and it felt good, in my mind still lies that question mark, perhaps just the tattoo the addiction has left. But you know, I am an alcoholic. I may not have developed the physical dependency but who is to say I wouldn't have should I have continued my pattern. I think the question at hand is more of a psychological issue built upon years of being labeled an alcoholic mixed with a bit of denial. I talked with my husband about it for quite some time tonight and found that what has been said to me by a few of you here, and others in the room really is the answer. It's up to me and the bottom line is I've found the answer to ALL of my question is the rooms and that is what matters, not the label itself. Thanks for all of your thoughts and I pray that each of you finds another day of sobriety. To thine own self be true.
I talked with my husband about it for quite some time tonight and found that what has been said to me by a few of you here, and others in the room really is the answer. It's up to me and the bottom line is I've found the answer to ALL of my question is the rooms and that is what matters, not the label itself. Thanks for all of your thoughts and I pray that each of you finds another day of sobriety. To thine own self be true.
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